"  DON'T COURT DISASTER  "....... ( A short play by Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber especially written for patrons of the absurd )

Judge :  I must say that with the possible exception of party political leaders engaged in a TV podium debate , there is nothing like litigation to provide a theatre for the drama known as life
Counsel for the plaintiff : Oh ,  I thought this court case would equate more with a farce given the bizarre and unusual events which have led up to it. Punishing my client with a life ban for ripping up his scorecard , and then to deposit the tiny pieces on top of his partner's head , seems both disproportional and vindictive
Counsel for the defendants : My clients totally disagree. They subscribe to the view that a bridge club , like a church , constitutes a place of sanctuary. Consequently , a duty is placed on all its members who turn up to play not to commit any transgressions whatsoever. What the plaintiff did was an unforgivable sin ,  which merited punishment in keeping with a biblical stoning. 
Judge : As the appointed judge in this case I am deeply concerned about the costs you will both incur , and given the amount of money you have already spent on legal fees I am perplexed as to why you have failed to find a resolution to this dispute. Therefore I feel it necessary to offer you the opportunity here and now to go into the room next door , with your legal counsel , in one last ditch attempt effort to reconcile your differences and reach an amicable settlement 
Counsel for the plaintiff : My client is adamant it's all or nothing for him
Council for the defendants : My clients will not concede an inch. In their fixed and rigid minds even partial surrender is not an option.  It's death or glory for them
Judge : Nevertheless , you are all going into that room to discuss an out of court settlement , and to reasonably consider all the implications of a lengthy trial , in which each side could well be asked to meet their own costs

( At this point both counsel and their clients , as instructed , slouch off into the room to talk things over , but within ten minutes they were back before the judge )

Judge : So I take it then you have failed to settle this dispute ?
Counsel for the plaintiff : A correct observation indeed ,  your Honour 
Judge : How close were you ?
Counsel for the defendants : I'm afraid to say we were not in the same universe
Judge : So I am being held hostage to a lengthy trial simply because both your clients want their day in court simply to get an authoritative verdict over whether the expulsion was right or wrong. Yet the sad fact remains it is a fundamental cornerstone of our judicial system to be given the opportunity to go to court , when all other avenues for resolving the dispute have been explored and exhausted. However , if this has happened as a consequence of insanity prevailing over common sense , then I regard both parties as being cast as pantomime villains.......Ah well , let the show commence,,,,,,