HOW TO BECOME A BIG FISH IN A SMALL POND.......
( Article By Carp )

Most bridge clubs are small voluntary associations made up of people who have a passion for playing a very social yet immensely challenging game. Nevertheless, members use bridge clubs to fulfil many other ulterior motives. These venues are places  where one can acquire recognition, prestige and  importance,  thereby fulfilling some of the higher goals listed in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Certain individuals just love the idea of acquiring status and privilege, being in a position of " power and control ". Self-actualisation is achieved when they see themselves as the top dog, the big fish, the number one,  and in some  instances.... God. 
However, don't let the reality of your current situation leave you as one of the dead-beats, the faceless, the riff raff and worthless nobodies. Don't let that view of being an anonymous, unimportant  and insignificant person hold you back : go out there and change people's perceptions about who you really are. This of course can be easily done by following my guide on How To Gain Importance And Win Prestige :
1. Worm your way into as many of the club's top teams as possible
2. Become a very active and hands-on committee member
3. Campaign for change even if you don't believe in it
4. Stick as many fingers into as many pies as you can 
5. Walk about the place as though you always have a vital mission to fulfil
6. Speak up at AGMs in a commanding way, but only on issues where the majority of members are on your side
7. Only mix with the riff raff for fleeting seconds
8. Make sure you are always seen hobnobbing with the club's elite
9. Beckon people to approach you
10. Wear a club badge of some kind, or clothing that shouts " authority figure "
11. Do whatever it takes get photographs of yourself stuck up on the walls
12. Own that chair you are sitting on,  by spreading out in all directions
13. Hold and play the cards with an air of smug satisfaction and self-assuredness 
14. Get involved in major disputes, but only back the likely winners
15. Volunteer for all good causes
16. Donate a fabulous trophy ( named after you ) while you are still alive
17. Start rumours about yourself which will certainly enhance your fame and reputation
18. Become the fountain of knowledge, over every bit of gossip going
19. Make yourself indispensable
20. Take on the club's Newsletter, packing it full of articles about yourself
21. Appear likeable and friendly even to those you loathe
22. Only make promises on which you can deliver ( usually small ones )
23. Aim to dress a cut above the rest, especially at big events
24. Immediately assume authority in sudden mini-crisis situations