12 THINGS MALE BRIDGE PLAYERS DON'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE LITTLE OLD LADIES...... ( Research by Carp )

1. Why so many of them turn up to play bridge with handbag by their sides ?
2. Why are there so many items in these handbags  (and what are they all for ) ?
3. Why ladies regard bridge as a " social " event when they know the competitive nature of the
    game brings about the complete opposite ?
4. What possesses them to partner one another on a regular basis when history tells them 
    their results will be nothing more than abysmal ?
5. Why female players regard honest and frank remarks about their play as unwarranted and
    vindictive criticism ?
6. Why they always have innocent and legitimate excuses for their rather dubious and highly
    suspicious hesitations ?
7. Why timid bidding and routine play continues to be their only strategic game plan ?
8. Why they choose to partner their bridge playing husbands given the fact they can't abide
    their chauvinistic , sexist attitudes and irritating bad habits ?
9. Why lady players are so completely obsessed with the Losing Trick Count approach to 
    bidding , rather than employ obvious sacrifices and bold , daring initiatives ?
10. Why they always over-dress for the occasion , in sharp contrast to the men who turn up to
    the club looking like tramps ?
11. Why they arrive early at the club only to go straight to the tables, rather than " socialise and
    banter " in the bar room ? 
12. Why they seek to take up teaching beginners ,  given their chronic lack of achievement
    and success at the game ?