THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY REVISITED .......

• Average - the term which perfectly describes up to 95% of all people who purport to play bridge :  their ability to improve is severely restricted by their inability to think and/or count
• Expert - the grossly absurd and delusional belief an average player has of himself/herself
• MUD - what usually gets slung around at committee meetings when members start falling out with each other
• Field - a place where seeded players rise above the riff raff to reap and harvest the spoils 
• Ladders - ranking lists which aspiring players like to climb in order to look down on those less gifted themselves with joyous contempt
• Good raise - the essential attribute a needy lady player expects of her male partner before play commences
• Pack - what any devious chairman aims to do at important AGMs by filling every single seat with committee supporters : a tactic more commonly known as gerrymandering
• Suit - the practice sheep-like members adopt at AGMs when following the lead of their highly controlling and manipulative chairman
• Spot - the awkward and embarrassing position a less than ethical player finds him/herself in when accused and exposed as a cheat
• Rank - a term which appropriately describes the smell which emanates from the seat recently vacated by an elderly player not well versed in personal hygiene matters