BIGOT-JOHNSON INTRODUCES MORE AWARDS FOR THE AGM'S PRIZE GIVING CEREMONY........
1. Looking Down One's Nose Award.......goes to the member who regards all others as
being grossly inferior in all aspects of the game
2. Clean Nose Award.....for the most sickening overly pious, godly , pure-as-the-driven-snow ,
goody-two-shoes
3. Toffee Nose Award.......ear-marked for the member whose upper-class, aristocratic ,
condescending attitude riles everyone he/she meets
4. Bloody Nose Award......for the poor inattentive fool who failed to observe a flying
bridge mate zooming in at head height
5. Red Nose Award.......... for the member whose consumption of alcohol brings real colour to
specific protrusions on his/her face
6. Poking One's Nose Award.......obviously goes to the person with a nasty habit of interfering
with other members' business and/or private affairs
7. Get Up One's Nose Award.......for the most irritating player , who possesses an amazing
knack of annoying every opponent he/she encounters
8. Brown Nose Award .......bestowed only to the most obnoxious sycophant in the club ,whose
willingness to lick the arses of the elite knows no bounds
9. Nose To The Grindstone Awards.....goes to most hard-working committee members who
choose to keep their heads down oblivious to the
shenanigans going on around them
10. Cut Off One's Nose Off To Spite One's Face Awards.....for all those committee
members who foolishly engage in needlessly self-
destructive reactions to a problem
Monday, 31 August 2015
Saturday, 29 August 2015
NEWSFLASH : A LONG LOST LETTER WRITTEN BY VICTOR MOLLO TURNS UP AT AUCTION ONLY TO SET OFF A WORLDWIDE HUNT FOR A VERY RARE AND PRICELESS BRIDGE BOOK......
The contents of this letter revealed an amazing confession. It seems that Victor Mollo's classic masterpiece " Bridge In A Menagerie " , which depicts vivid caricatures of players with animal names and behaviours , was inspired by an much earlier book written by one of Sir Francis Dashwood's descendants.
The book in question was an early 19th century publication entitled " Having Animals As Partners Makes Bridge Far More Exciting ". The authoress was Bess T. L. Cravings , a high society woman with a penchant for the unusual. Although the book in part maintained a colourful story line through a series of exciting and entertaining deals , its other much darker content caused a public outrage.
Not surprisingly the Church of England was quick to act successfully lobbying politicians to get this offensive literature banned. Copies were quickly removed from shops , libraries and bridge clubs , only to be piled up and burnt . Nevertheless , several copies which were already out in the public domain were secretly hidden away by animal loving , bridge playing fanatics. So when Victor stumbled across one of these copies on his travels , he was so captivated by its risque content and detailed drawings , he decided to write a similar themed book as a tribute and dedication to Bess's brilliant masterpiece.
Not surprisingly, there is now a world wide hunt for this earlier book with some collectors offering unbelievable sums of money to lay their hands on a copy. When one turned up in American over a million dollars exchanged hands.
The contents of this letter revealed an amazing confession. It seems that Victor Mollo's classic masterpiece " Bridge In A Menagerie " , which depicts vivid caricatures of players with animal names and behaviours , was inspired by an much earlier book written by one of Sir Francis Dashwood's descendants.
The book in question was an early 19th century publication entitled " Having Animals As Partners Makes Bridge Far More Exciting ". The authoress was Bess T. L. Cravings , a high society woman with a penchant for the unusual. Although the book in part maintained a colourful story line through a series of exciting and entertaining deals , its other much darker content caused a public outrage.
Not surprisingly the Church of England was quick to act successfully lobbying politicians to get this offensive literature banned. Copies were quickly removed from shops , libraries and bridge clubs , only to be piled up and burnt . Nevertheless , several copies which were already out in the public domain were secretly hidden away by animal loving , bridge playing fanatics. So when Victor stumbled across one of these copies on his travels , he was so captivated by its risque content and detailed drawings , he decided to write a similar themed book as a tribute and dedication to Bess's brilliant masterpiece.
Not surprisingly, there is now a world wide hunt for this earlier book with some collectors offering unbelievable sums of money to lay their hands on a copy. When one turned up in American over a million dollars exchanged hands.
Wednesday, 26 August 2015
LAW REPORT : EBU v. BIGOT-JOHNSON (2015)
The EBU , acting on behalf of all its members , decided it was necessary to sue Bigot-Johnson for libel in order to preserve the good reputation of the game. What upset their members the most was Bigot's claim that all bridge players were clinically insane, and should be sectioned under the Mental Health Act. A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below.
Counsel for the plaintiff : Did you publish a blog which stated that all bridge players are insane ?
B-J : I certainly did ......and what's more is that they are all clinically insane
CP : So how do you define insanity ?
B-J : Well , let's look at Einstein's definition.....which states insanity is when a person does the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Bridge players are notorious for adopting the same inferior lines of play with the expectation that this time they will produce a good result , when all that happens is yet another horrendous bottom is added to their card .
Judge : I must admit....behaviour like does raise doubts about their sanity
B-J : Yes....the product of magical thinking. But that's only the tip of the iceberg.............because how does one explain why players who are clueless about the game start out each and every time expecting to win ?
Judge : How odd ....
B-J : You see insanity can also be defined as the inability to distinguish fantasy from reality. Bridge players in particular fantasise about about their great ability and lofty status when in reality they are nothing more than born losers. Most view themselves as experts even though the opposite is true.
Judge : Surely , it's natural for people to think positively about themselves ?
B-J : Not so.....in other walks of life people recognise and acknowledge their failings and shortcomings......but not bridge players.....who are so delusional they have completely lost touch with reality
Judge : Well , I never...
CP : Can I interject here......defamation is defined as a false statement of fact which has damaged a person's reputation and standing within the community to which he belongs. EBU members by and large come from a managerial and professional background , being eminent people in their local communities. These are intelligent , well-educated people. So to suggest that they are insane is both malicious and libellous.
B-J : Have you ever seen them behave at the bridge tables ? No....you haven't. Given that insanity can be defined as extreme foolishness or irrationality , I can assure you that in the bidding and play of the cards these two qualities are in abundance. You only have to hear the incessant chastising and berating which takes place after each and every hand to realise how true this is. The game is so littered with irrational and foolish decisions , the winners of an event are simply the ones who make the fewest.
CP : Again I say to you that in every aspect of our lives we will all make bad decisions , some I agree are based on foolish and irrational considerations....but it's human nature to make mistakes.
B-J : Listen muppet head......in bridge there are many, many maxims which dictate what the right course of action is. If insanity is the inability to distinguish right from wrong , then clearly bridge players meet that criterion. They will take finesses when the bidding clearly suggests that the king is off-side , rather than doing the right thing. This of course might involve engineering an end play , playing for the drop....or executing a squeeze.
Judge : Yes Bigot.... a valid argument there
CP : Is there any more evidence to justify your claim ?
B-J : I should say so. Nothing is as insane as spending thousands of pounds in the quest for green points to climb up the rankings ladder. The whole process is a complete farce because everyone knows that promotions are based on attendance not ability. I've seen complete numpties reaching regional master status, but no one is prepared to tell these trumped-up emperors that they are not only lacking clothes.... but ability as well
Judge : Is that true ?
B-J: Too right it is......have you ever known a sport where you can improve your ranking simply by turning up at an event and yet again never being placed in the top half ?
Judge : Unbelievable
B-J : But what really hammers home the fact that insanity pervades the world of bridge is when bridge players get themselves onto committees. All rational thinking and common sense flies straight out of the window
Judge : Can you give me an example ?
B-J : By what reason other than insanity...........would a committee decide to take a legal dispute all the way to court costing the club tens of thousands, when (a) there was never any guarantee of winning ,and (b) far cheaper options were available earlier on.... by which a mutually acceptable resolution could have been achieved ?
Judge : You've got me there.....I can't think of one
CP : Me neither....
Judge : Well , on that sobering thought.....I agree with you Bigot..... bridge players are insane..... and that the world which they belong to is indeed the theatre of the absurd
The EBU , acting on behalf of all its members , decided it was necessary to sue Bigot-Johnson for libel in order to preserve the good reputation of the game. What upset their members the most was Bigot's claim that all bridge players were clinically insane, and should be sectioned under the Mental Health Act. A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below.
Counsel for the plaintiff : Did you publish a blog which stated that all bridge players are insane ?
B-J : I certainly did ......and what's more is that they are all clinically insane
CP : So how do you define insanity ?
B-J : Well , let's look at Einstein's definition.....which states insanity is when a person does the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Bridge players are notorious for adopting the same inferior lines of play with the expectation that this time they will produce a good result , when all that happens is yet another horrendous bottom is added to their card .
Judge : I must admit....behaviour like does raise doubts about their sanity
B-J : Yes....the product of magical thinking. But that's only the tip of the iceberg.............because how does one explain why players who are clueless about the game start out each and every time expecting to win ?
Judge : How odd ....
B-J : You see insanity can also be defined as the inability to distinguish fantasy from reality. Bridge players in particular fantasise about about their great ability and lofty status when in reality they are nothing more than born losers. Most view themselves as experts even though the opposite is true.
Judge : Surely , it's natural for people to think positively about themselves ?
B-J : Not so.....in other walks of life people recognise and acknowledge their failings and shortcomings......but not bridge players.....who are so delusional they have completely lost touch with reality
Judge : Well , I never...
CP : Can I interject here......defamation is defined as a false statement of fact which has damaged a person's reputation and standing within the community to which he belongs. EBU members by and large come from a managerial and professional background , being eminent people in their local communities. These are intelligent , well-educated people. So to suggest that they are insane is both malicious and libellous.
B-J : Have you ever seen them behave at the bridge tables ? No....you haven't. Given that insanity can be defined as extreme foolishness or irrationality , I can assure you that in the bidding and play of the cards these two qualities are in abundance. You only have to hear the incessant chastising and berating which takes place after each and every hand to realise how true this is. The game is so littered with irrational and foolish decisions , the winners of an event are simply the ones who make the fewest.
CP : Again I say to you that in every aspect of our lives we will all make bad decisions , some I agree are based on foolish and irrational considerations....but it's human nature to make mistakes.
B-J : Listen muppet head......in bridge there are many, many maxims which dictate what the right course of action is. If insanity is the inability to distinguish right from wrong , then clearly bridge players meet that criterion. They will take finesses when the bidding clearly suggests that the king is off-side , rather than doing the right thing. This of course might involve engineering an end play , playing for the drop....or executing a squeeze.
Judge : Yes Bigot.... a valid argument there
CP : Is there any more evidence to justify your claim ?
B-J : I should say so. Nothing is as insane as spending thousands of pounds in the quest for green points to climb up the rankings ladder. The whole process is a complete farce because everyone knows that promotions are based on attendance not ability. I've seen complete numpties reaching regional master status, but no one is prepared to tell these trumped-up emperors that they are not only lacking clothes.... but ability as well
Judge : Is that true ?
B-J: Too right it is......have you ever known a sport where you can improve your ranking simply by turning up at an event and yet again never being placed in the top half ?
Judge : Unbelievable
B-J : But what really hammers home the fact that insanity pervades the world of bridge is when bridge players get themselves onto committees. All rational thinking and common sense flies straight out of the window
Judge : Can you give me an example ?
B-J : By what reason other than insanity...........would a committee decide to take a legal dispute all the way to court costing the club tens of thousands, when (a) there was never any guarantee of winning ,and (b) far cheaper options were available earlier on.... by which a mutually acceptable resolution could have been achieved ?
Judge : You've got me there.....I can't think of one
CP : Me neither....
Judge : Well , on that sobering thought.....I agree with you Bigot..... bridge players are insane..... and that the world which they belong to is indeed the theatre of the absurd
Tuesday, 25 August 2015
Sunday, 23 August 2015
LAW REPORT : ARDUNTOO v. BIGOT-JOHNSON AND OTHERS ( 2015)
Having been thrown out of the SHBC for offensive and aggressive behaviour , Arduntoo felt obliged to sue the committee for substantial damages on the grounds that the expulsion was wrongful and malicious. A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below.
Counsel for the plaintiff : So please tell the court Bigot.... what precisely was this the alleged assault all about ?
B-J : It was horrible.....tantamount to a terrorist attack using biological weapons...putting all those in close proximity at risk for their lives
CP : You mean my client sneezed ?
B-J : Exactly.......releasing tens of thousands of nasty germs into the air ......apparently aimed at his left-hand opponent.......poor sod..... who took the brunt of this airborne attack. He was almost blown off his chair !
CP : Might I remind you that my client suffers from acute hay fever ......not the plague , ebola or a deadly strain of the flu
B-J : Nevertheless .....what he committed was an offensive and aggressive act , leaving the committee to cough up a solution to resolve this potentially lethal problem
CP : Like killing the millions of dust-mites lurking in the club's grubby carpets and upholstery.....or like providing the man with some tissues.......
B-J : Listen up you .......sneezes can kill........in fact we should have done him for attempted murder
CP : Excuse me....but your reaction to this sneeze was clearly laced with bias
B-J : How dare you suggest we were biased in any way towards that snotty-nosed , snivelling ,
red-eyed , toss pot like Arduntoo
CP : But I have documented evidence we clearly demonstrates a history of animosity against my client...... by certain committee members..... long before the sneezing incident occurred ......indeed , the fact that you promised to " sort this man out for once and for all " leads one to suspect that any step he took out of line was going to be his last
B-J : Arduntoo is a trouble-maker who has a habit of getting up everyone's nose......or at least his germs do ! The decision to expel this germ bag was made without any bias or prejudice whatsoever. We had a job to do and by God we did it....... in a thoroughly professional manner .... and in accordance with the club's laid down disciplinary procedures
CP : So how come he didn't get an initial hearing ?
B-J : Couldn't risk bringing him in......the man's a walking plague......I was obliged to use my discretion.........especially when the outcome was a foregone conclusion
CP : No bias then......just pre-judgement ? Or was it simply the fulfilment of long held dreams by
certain committee members ?
B-J : Yes ....you could say that .......but as a committee we approached the task in a fair and impartial way
CP : So what if other members are caught sneezing.....will they receive the same treatment ?
B-J : Not a chance.....the committee would see these unfortunate incidents in a completely different light
CP : Why is that ?
B-J : Well , as you know.....some faces fit......others don't........and as committee members we use our vast experience and knowledge to determine which members deserve to stay ....and which deserve to go
CP : No bias then ?
B-J : Absolutely not....
Having been thrown out of the SHBC for offensive and aggressive behaviour , Arduntoo felt obliged to sue the committee for substantial damages on the grounds that the expulsion was wrongful and malicious. A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below.
Counsel for the plaintiff : So please tell the court Bigot.... what precisely was this the alleged assault all about ?
B-J : It was horrible.....tantamount to a terrorist attack using biological weapons...putting all those in close proximity at risk for their lives
CP : You mean my client sneezed ?
B-J : Exactly.......releasing tens of thousands of nasty germs into the air ......apparently aimed at his left-hand opponent.......poor sod..... who took the brunt of this airborne attack. He was almost blown off his chair !
CP : Might I remind you that my client suffers from acute hay fever ......not the plague , ebola or a deadly strain of the flu
B-J : Nevertheless .....what he committed was an offensive and aggressive act , leaving the committee to cough up a solution to resolve this potentially lethal problem
CP : Like killing the millions of dust-mites lurking in the club's grubby carpets and upholstery.....or like providing the man with some tissues.......
B-J : Listen up you .......sneezes can kill........in fact we should have done him for attempted murder
CP : Excuse me....but your reaction to this sneeze was clearly laced with bias
B-J : How dare you suggest we were biased in any way towards that snotty-nosed , snivelling ,
red-eyed , toss pot like Arduntoo
CP : But I have documented evidence we clearly demonstrates a history of animosity against my client...... by certain committee members..... long before the sneezing incident occurred ......indeed , the fact that you promised to " sort this man out for once and for all " leads one to suspect that any step he took out of line was going to be his last
B-J : Arduntoo is a trouble-maker who has a habit of getting up everyone's nose......or at least his germs do ! The decision to expel this germ bag was made without any bias or prejudice whatsoever. We had a job to do and by God we did it....... in a thoroughly professional manner .... and in accordance with the club's laid down disciplinary procedures
CP : So how come he didn't get an initial hearing ?
B-J : Couldn't risk bringing him in......the man's a walking plague......I was obliged to use my discretion.........especially when the outcome was a foregone conclusion
CP : No bias then......just pre-judgement ? Or was it simply the fulfilment of long held dreams by
certain committee members ?
B-J : Yes ....you could say that .......but as a committee we approached the task in a fair and impartial way
CP : So what if other members are caught sneezing.....will they receive the same treatment ?
B-J : Not a chance.....the committee would see these unfortunate incidents in a completely different light
CP : Why is that ?
B-J : Well , as you know.....some faces fit......others don't........and as committee members we use our vast experience and knowledge to determine which members deserve to stay ....and which deserve to go
CP : No bias then ?
B-J : Absolutely not....
BRIDGE BOOKS FOR GRUMPY OLD BUGGERS......( Like Pun )
- Some Players Really Give Me The Creeps........................................E. B. G. Bees
- Whenever I Look At Opponents I'll Tell You What I See.....................Vic Timms
- Playing Bridge With Young Boys Is What He Prefers.......................Peter Fyle
- That Chinese Bloke Can Recall Every Hand He's Ever Played..........Ho Lee Fuk
- Play Bridge In A Blustering, Swaggering , Boisterous Way................Roy Stirrer
- The Speed At Which She Plays The Cards.......................................Ena Rush
- That Defeat we Suffered Bordered On An Annihilation.......................Des Aster
- If Partner Acts Like He's Deaf Then Try Shouting.............................Belle O. Lauder
- What's This Club Coming To With No Inside Toilet ?.......................John Outhouse
- Slow Players Are Going To Be The Death Of Me.............................Diana Bordam
Wednesday, 19 August 2015
BRIDGE : A GAME OF DRACONIAN RULES....... ( Article by Carp )
In America to " prearrange a deal or part thereof including one card " can it seems lead to a 2 year suspension or expulsion. Indeed , it was recently reported by Paul Cronin that Mike Passall , a member of the ACBL Hall of Fame had been placed on probation for 13 months with 25% of his 77,000 MPs removed for such an ethical violation. My My.
Not knowing the precise circumstances of incident I can only comment on the wider issues concerning this rule. Clearly , when a player rigs a hand there is intent either to cheat by using the unauthorised information about the hand to his/her advantage , or to cause bidding and play problems to the rest of the field. Both acts amount to a serious form of cheating which necessitates the full force of disciplinary sanctions to be applied against all wrongdoers.
Nevertheless , there are always good reasons why such extreme sanctions should not be used , in that the punishment must be proportionate to the crime.
For instance , a single violation might be so slight as to deny the offending party with no opportunity whatsoever to gain advantage from it. This may be case if the board in question is one which the player is not scheduled to play. Similarly, if a player shuffles a board in a goulash manner ( 4's and 3's ) with the intent to a create wildly distributional hand, this kind of pre-arranged deal creates the same risks for all players including him/herself. The only advantage gained appears to be the knowledge that all hands may be wildly distributional. The motive of course may be just to create a " fun " or " devilish " hand to play.
Thirdly , if a player replaces an exposed 2 of diamonds back with the other twelve into the East pocket , rather than deal out the whole hand again , the likelihood of gaining any advantage of this one card location is almost zero. Yes , he/she does know that East does not have a void in diamonds , but so does everyone else should East bid diamonds or open 1NT/2NT.
In my book , it is always the player's intent which determines the gravity of the offence , and usually this intent is to gain a significant advantage to the detriment of the field. Any form of blatant cheating or spitefully-motivated card manipulation warrants severe punishment , but anything of a minor , zero-damage nature warrants only an apology with a promise not to do it again.
What Mike Passall lost was his reputation . That punishment raised questions about his ethical conduct , but if the incident was slight and with no intent to gain advantage or to harm the field , then the punishment was unfair and unjust. If ethics is all about doing the " right " thing then those who sit on these ethical boards passing judgement on others should lead be example.
In America to " prearrange a deal or part thereof including one card " can it seems lead to a 2 year suspension or expulsion. Indeed , it was recently reported by Paul Cronin that Mike Passall , a member of the ACBL Hall of Fame had been placed on probation for 13 months with 25% of his 77,000 MPs removed for such an ethical violation. My My.
Not knowing the precise circumstances of incident I can only comment on the wider issues concerning this rule. Clearly , when a player rigs a hand there is intent either to cheat by using the unauthorised information about the hand to his/her advantage , or to cause bidding and play problems to the rest of the field. Both acts amount to a serious form of cheating which necessitates the full force of disciplinary sanctions to be applied against all wrongdoers.
Nevertheless , there are always good reasons why such extreme sanctions should not be used , in that the punishment must be proportionate to the crime.
For instance , a single violation might be so slight as to deny the offending party with no opportunity whatsoever to gain advantage from it. This may be case if the board in question is one which the player is not scheduled to play. Similarly, if a player shuffles a board in a goulash manner ( 4's and 3's ) with the intent to a create wildly distributional hand, this kind of pre-arranged deal creates the same risks for all players including him/herself. The only advantage gained appears to be the knowledge that all hands may be wildly distributional. The motive of course may be just to create a " fun " or " devilish " hand to play.
Thirdly , if a player replaces an exposed 2 of diamonds back with the other twelve into the East pocket , rather than deal out the whole hand again , the likelihood of gaining any advantage of this one card location is almost zero. Yes , he/she does know that East does not have a void in diamonds , but so does everyone else should East bid diamonds or open 1NT/2NT.
In my book , it is always the player's intent which determines the gravity of the offence , and usually this intent is to gain a significant advantage to the detriment of the field. Any form of blatant cheating or spitefully-motivated card manipulation warrants severe punishment , but anything of a minor , zero-damage nature warrants only an apology with a promise not to do it again.
What Mike Passall lost was his reputation . That punishment raised questions about his ethical conduct , but if the incident was slight and with no intent to gain advantage or to harm the field , then the punishment was unfair and unjust. If ethics is all about doing the " right " thing then those who sit on these ethical boards passing judgement on others should lead be example.
Tuesday, 18 August 2015
TRUSTEES : THEIR ROLES AND RESPONSIBILITIES.....
( Article by Professor Hu Chi Ku Chi )
Many private , unincorporated social clubs have a set up which empowers the committee to manage and run the club, with trustees reassuringly there in the background with an crucial , overseeing guardianship role.
Ideally , the trustees should diligently monitor the committee's capital and revenue expenditure,
ensuring that financial risks are kept to a minimum , as well as ensuring that the organisation has the necessary funding and reserves to carry out its intended activities.
Their primary focus must always be the long term survival of the club , and to advise the committee against taking any decisions, which could put the organisation's financial assets in jeopardy. In addition to that the trustees have a legal responsibility to ensure that the club is managed in accordance with the law , and its own governing documents , such as the Constitution and other binding policy statements. Moreover , they must always act in the best interests of the organisation and its wider membership , avoiding any conflicts of interest which could potentially arise. For instance awkward questions might be asked if a trustee had a close relative who was a committee member or officer , since the collusion and the exercise of undue influence could easily arise.
Trustees of an incorporated association, such as a private social club , do run a risk in respect to incurring personal liability should something go wrong. Club committees might for instance enter into very costly building contracts , and should these go belly up resulting in significant losses or pay outs , then the trustees in certain situations may find themselves personally accountable. Much depends of course on the precise wording of the Constitution with regards to their defined roles and responsibilities. Nevertheless , it makes good sense for clubs to obtain some form of Directors' and Officers ' Liability Insurance cover , which will provide protection against incurring personal liability.
Often clubs will have within their Constitution a rule, which enables trustees to be indemnified out of club funds , and this should hopefully provide another safeguard against incurring personal liability. If however a situation arises where the liability incurred by the club is not adequately covered by any insurance policy , and/or their total assets , there is still the threat that the trustees , along with the management committee and its officers , will be seriously out of pocket.
In conclusion , trustees have a fundamental duty to protect the club from serious financial risk . Caution and prudence are the two golden rules they must follow. They are entrusted to guarantee the club's long term future by making sure costly or risky ventures are never undertaken. Would any trustee of sound mind and intelligence sanction the decision of a committee to stake £60,000 on an evens favourite horse, or stake the same amount of money in some other kind of lottery ? Not a chance !. So what would anyone make of trusties who failed to stop a committee opting to fight a case in court , where the costs can frighteningly run into tens of thousands with the outcome being scarily uncertain ( especially when cheaper , damage limitation options were readily available earlier on ) ?
( Article by Professor Hu Chi Ku Chi )
Many private , unincorporated social clubs have a set up which empowers the committee to manage and run the club, with trustees reassuringly there in the background with an crucial , overseeing guardianship role.
Ideally , the trustees should diligently monitor the committee's capital and revenue expenditure,
ensuring that financial risks are kept to a minimum , as well as ensuring that the organisation has the necessary funding and reserves to carry out its intended activities.
Their primary focus must always be the long term survival of the club , and to advise the committee against taking any decisions, which could put the organisation's financial assets in jeopardy. In addition to that the trustees have a legal responsibility to ensure that the club is managed in accordance with the law , and its own governing documents , such as the Constitution and other binding policy statements. Moreover , they must always act in the best interests of the organisation and its wider membership , avoiding any conflicts of interest which could potentially arise. For instance awkward questions might be asked if a trustee had a close relative who was a committee member or officer , since the collusion and the exercise of undue influence could easily arise.
Trustees of an incorporated association, such as a private social club , do run a risk in respect to incurring personal liability should something go wrong. Club committees might for instance enter into very costly building contracts , and should these go belly up resulting in significant losses or pay outs , then the trustees in certain situations may find themselves personally accountable. Much depends of course on the precise wording of the Constitution with regards to their defined roles and responsibilities. Nevertheless , it makes good sense for clubs to obtain some form of Directors' and Officers ' Liability Insurance cover , which will provide protection against incurring personal liability.
Often clubs will have within their Constitution a rule, which enables trustees to be indemnified out of club funds , and this should hopefully provide another safeguard against incurring personal liability. If however a situation arises where the liability incurred by the club is not adequately covered by any insurance policy , and/or their total assets , there is still the threat that the trustees , along with the management committee and its officers , will be seriously out of pocket.
In conclusion , trustees have a fundamental duty to protect the club from serious financial risk . Caution and prudence are the two golden rules they must follow. They are entrusted to guarantee the club's long term future by making sure costly or risky ventures are never undertaken. Would any trustee of sound mind and intelligence sanction the decision of a committee to stake £60,000 on an evens favourite horse, or stake the same amount of money in some other kind of lottery ? Not a chance !. So what would anyone make of trusties who failed to stop a committee opting to fight a case in court , where the costs can frighteningly run into tens of thousands with the outcome being scarily uncertain ( especially when cheaper , damage limitation options were readily available earlier on ) ?
Sunday, 16 August 2015
AT THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE BC AGM THE TREASURER IS ASKED TO DO SOME EXPLAINING.......
- As an ordinary member I'm concerned that £42,608 has been spent on miscellaneous
expenses , which is up from last year's figure of £20, 520. I insist on knowing what this
spending includes ?
- Well....in a club like ours there are jobs to be done.....and people who are expected to
carry them out need financial incentives. These are to ensure that the jobs are done quickly,
efficiently and correctly.....often with no questions asked. Committee members have of course
put in a great deal of effort , energy and time to see jobs through, and in many cases deserve
to be rewarded. Moreover , certain jobs can only be done at a price !
- Yes....yes...but what the hell was this £42,608 actually spent on ?
- Please allow me to put it this way. That modest figure included perks , back-handers , bribes ,
sweeteners , tips , extras , hush money payments , kick-backs , inducements , bonuses ,
add-ons , over-and-above supplementaries , commission , frostings , and gratuities
- You haven't answered my question......What services were purchased with this money ?
- You want a list ?
- Yes
- A detailed list
- Yes
- Well , first off.... jollies for the committee members don't come cheap. Then there are crippling
legal bills which have to be paid for......not to mention the ongoing costs of removing
mysterious deposits of elephant dung which keep popping up during the committee meetings.
Add to that the money spent on the maintenance and upgrading of our surveillance of unruly ,
dissident members....and we've already accounted for £30,000 plus
- What...you mean there are other hefty miscellaneous expenses ?
- Indeed.....the committee blew £2000 on a bulk purchase of lottery tickets hoping to win big
money in a desperate attempt to repay outstanding loans. Then another few thousand was
spent on the production and storage of dossiers , which were kept on all club members the
committee considered as undesirable.
- I'm shocked and appalled ......
- All expenditure like this is best kept under wraps.......as with the gerrymandering costs of
rigging AGM voting , involving bribes and transport expenses..... in order to get obliging
members to elect the right people onto committee.....and to back their draconian proposals
- Oh my God.....
- And let's not forget the money shelled out in converting the flower beds in the club's grounds
into hidden away burial plots....... indeed , landscapers and fully grown privet bushes don't
come cheap
- I think you answered my question....thank you
- And I think you're your name has just been assigned to one of those plots
- As an ordinary member I'm concerned that £42,608 has been spent on miscellaneous
expenses , which is up from last year's figure of £20, 520. I insist on knowing what this
spending includes ?
- Well....in a club like ours there are jobs to be done.....and people who are expected to
carry them out need financial incentives. These are to ensure that the jobs are done quickly,
efficiently and correctly.....often with no questions asked. Committee members have of course
put in a great deal of effort , energy and time to see jobs through, and in many cases deserve
to be rewarded. Moreover , certain jobs can only be done at a price !
- Yes....yes...but what the hell was this £42,608 actually spent on ?
- Please allow me to put it this way. That modest figure included perks , back-handers , bribes ,
sweeteners , tips , extras , hush money payments , kick-backs , inducements , bonuses ,
add-ons , over-and-above supplementaries , commission , frostings , and gratuities
- You haven't answered my question......What services were purchased with this money ?
- You want a list ?
- Yes
- A detailed list
- Yes
- Well , first off.... jollies for the committee members don't come cheap. Then there are crippling
legal bills which have to be paid for......not to mention the ongoing costs of removing
mysterious deposits of elephant dung which keep popping up during the committee meetings.
Add to that the money spent on the maintenance and upgrading of our surveillance of unruly ,
dissident members....and we've already accounted for £30,000 plus
- What...you mean there are other hefty miscellaneous expenses ?
- Indeed.....the committee blew £2000 on a bulk purchase of lottery tickets hoping to win big
money in a desperate attempt to repay outstanding loans. Then another few thousand was
spent on the production and storage of dossiers , which were kept on all club members the
committee considered as undesirable.
- I'm shocked and appalled ......
- All expenditure like this is best kept under wraps.......as with the gerrymandering costs of
rigging AGM voting , involving bribes and transport expenses..... in order to get obliging
members to elect the right people onto committee.....and to back their draconian proposals
- Oh my God.....
- And let's not forget the money shelled out in converting the flower beds in the club's grounds
into hidden away burial plots....... indeed , landscapers and fully grown privet bushes don't
come cheap
- I think you answered my question....thank you
- And I think you're your name has just been assigned to one of those plots
Thursday, 13 August 2015
Sunday, 9 August 2015
A PERFECT PARTNER MUST BE ALL THINGS TO ALL MEN....... ( Article by Carp )
Many bridge blogs have attempted to define the perfect partner but all have missed the mark by a country mile. A perfect partner has to possess many virtues , if he or she is to satisfy the needs of the most demanding players.
Indeed these demanding players look to the partners to fulfil a multitude of roles. The person who can fulfil the most clearly has the credentials to be classed as the perfect partner. The following list provides the most sought after attributes . These are to act as :
1. A stepping stone on which to progress into the rarefied world of elite top class players
2. A scapegoat taking all the blame for every bottom and below average score recorded
3. A punch bag who is forever on the receiving end of vitriolic abuse and insults from players
who unfortunately possess both foul tempers and foul mouths
4. A crutch on which inferior players can stand firm when up against strong and ruthless
opponents
5. A mirror enabling the players' movements and actions to be reciprocated and matched in
perfect harmony , as though the partnership understanding was of one mind being forever
on the same wavelength
6. A mute, unable to voice disapproval , or answer back, to anything said or done which would
normally warrant verbal retaliation
7. A sycophant who is well schooled in the art of boosting a player's ego and spewing out
obsequious grovelling compliments
8. A toilet brush enabling all the shit that crude and dirty players leave behind to be easily
removed
9. A handkerchief to provide a distraught, emotionally crippled player the means to wipe clean
his bloody nose , or the tears falling down his grief stricken face
10. A rock on which a shipwrecked player can clamber on all , escaping a watery death when
others around him are lost at sea
11. A dog who despite gross mistreatment and abuse will remain a true , stubbornly loyal and
loving friend
12. A giant sponge capable of absorbing all the information and instructions which inevitably
pours down upon him from above
Recently I spoke to Bigot-Johnson about this very subject , He told me that his partner " only possessed 6 of these qualities " which still made him by his reckoning " a complete tosser
who is about to get the boot ". So this of course brings me onto the final and most noble attribute of all......
13. A hard bottom which can withstand the biggest kick up the ass ever likely to be
encountered , should a swift and emphatic end to an unsatisfactory partnership take place
Many bridge blogs have attempted to define the perfect partner but all have missed the mark by a country mile. A perfect partner has to possess many virtues , if he or she is to satisfy the needs of the most demanding players.
Indeed these demanding players look to the partners to fulfil a multitude of roles. The person who can fulfil the most clearly has the credentials to be classed as the perfect partner. The following list provides the most sought after attributes . These are to act as :
1. A stepping stone on which to progress into the rarefied world of elite top class players
2. A scapegoat taking all the blame for every bottom and below average score recorded
3. A punch bag who is forever on the receiving end of vitriolic abuse and insults from players
who unfortunately possess both foul tempers and foul mouths
4. A crutch on which inferior players can stand firm when up against strong and ruthless
opponents
5. A mirror enabling the players' movements and actions to be reciprocated and matched in
perfect harmony , as though the partnership understanding was of one mind being forever
on the same wavelength
6. A mute, unable to voice disapproval , or answer back, to anything said or done which would
normally warrant verbal retaliation
7. A sycophant who is well schooled in the art of boosting a player's ego and spewing out
obsequious grovelling compliments
8. A toilet brush enabling all the shit that crude and dirty players leave behind to be easily
removed
9. A handkerchief to provide a distraught, emotionally crippled player the means to wipe clean
his bloody nose , or the tears falling down his grief stricken face
10. A rock on which a shipwrecked player can clamber on all , escaping a watery death when
others around him are lost at sea
11. A dog who despite gross mistreatment and abuse will remain a true , stubbornly loyal and
loving friend
12. A giant sponge capable of absorbing all the information and instructions which inevitably
pours down upon him from above
Recently I spoke to Bigot-Johnson about this very subject , He told me that his partner " only possessed 6 of these qualities " which still made him by his reckoning " a complete tosser
who is about to get the boot ". So this of course brings me onto the final and most noble attribute of all......
13. A hard bottom which can withstand the biggest kick up the ass ever likely to be
encountered , should a swift and emphatic end to an unsatisfactory partnership take place
DISCIPLINARY HEARINGS : AN INTERESTING POINT OF LAW...........( Article by Professor Hu Chi Ku Chi )
When social and sports club committees get involved with disciplinary hearings , they are put into a position to make quasi-judicial decisions , albeit with little or no legal expertise.
Firstly , they are asked to make a judgement call on whether or not an alleged offence has taken place. Secondly , they are then obliged , if the complaint is upheld , to determine a proportionate punishment in keeping with the nature and degree of the offence committed.
However , what the courts expect of committees is that they attempt to the best of their ability to remove all prejudice and bias they might harbour against the accused member. Indeed , they must strive to be " fair-minded and informed observers ".
But how does one define a fair-minded and informed observer ? From my review of some relevant case law on the subject , it would seem that each and every committee member should display the following attributes ;
1. Those involved at a disciplinary hearing need to approach the task in hand with an open mind , and without any pre-judgements in relation to the key decisions that lie ahead.
2. Judgement need to be reserved on every issue until all relevant evidence has been reviewed and all arguments and issues raised by both sides have been fully understood
3. Minority or dissenting views should be allowed and listened to carefully , so that objective assessments can be made regarding their possible validity and merit.
4. Before taking a balance approach on any information which is contentious or perhaps irrelevant, committee members need to focus solely on the information which is not in dispute , but clearly relevant to the process of responsible decision making. Hearsay information therefore should never be considered in any discussions. , or allowed to influence the making of decisions.
Although a fair-minded and informed observer is not expected by a court to possess the skills and legal know-how a lawyer, he or she will be expected to appreciate and recognise how the legal process works in practice. How basic rules of natural justice need to be applied. How the accused member is entitled to be presumed innocent as opposed to being presumed guilty. In small clubs, where legal expertise is in short supply but personal feelings , emotions and animosities often run high , there is always the risk that prejudice and pre-judgements have already become unhealthy bedfellows.
So , in summary , if bias can be established by an accused member who is alleging wrongful suspension or expulsion , the court might well instruct the committee to change its decision. Even apparent bias is sufficient to convince the court of possible wrongdoing by the committee or any of its influential members . But what is certain is that the judge will put himself in the position of a fair-minded and informed observer , being the reasonable man who will act in both an objective and impartial way.. If he believes there is enough evidence to establish the possibility of apparent bias at the time of the hearing , or within the disciplinary procedure leading up to the hearing , then he will certainly find against the club.
When social and sports club committees get involved with disciplinary hearings , they are put into a position to make quasi-judicial decisions , albeit with little or no legal expertise.
Firstly , they are asked to make a judgement call on whether or not an alleged offence has taken place. Secondly , they are then obliged , if the complaint is upheld , to determine a proportionate punishment in keeping with the nature and degree of the offence committed.
However , what the courts expect of committees is that they attempt to the best of their ability to remove all prejudice and bias they might harbour against the accused member. Indeed , they must strive to be " fair-minded and informed observers ".
But how does one define a fair-minded and informed observer ? From my review of some relevant case law on the subject , it would seem that each and every committee member should display the following attributes ;
1. Those involved at a disciplinary hearing need to approach the task in hand with an open mind , and without any pre-judgements in relation to the key decisions that lie ahead.
2. Judgement need to be reserved on every issue until all relevant evidence has been reviewed and all arguments and issues raised by both sides have been fully understood
3. Minority or dissenting views should be allowed and listened to carefully , so that objective assessments can be made regarding their possible validity and merit.
4. Before taking a balance approach on any information which is contentious or perhaps irrelevant, committee members need to focus solely on the information which is not in dispute , but clearly relevant to the process of responsible decision making. Hearsay information therefore should never be considered in any discussions. , or allowed to influence the making of decisions.
Although a fair-minded and informed observer is not expected by a court to possess the skills and legal know-how a lawyer, he or she will be expected to appreciate and recognise how the legal process works in practice. How basic rules of natural justice need to be applied. How the accused member is entitled to be presumed innocent as opposed to being presumed guilty. In small clubs, where legal expertise is in short supply but personal feelings , emotions and animosities often run high , there is always the risk that prejudice and pre-judgements have already become unhealthy bedfellows.
So , in summary , if bias can be established by an accused member who is alleging wrongful suspension or expulsion , the court might well instruct the committee to change its decision. Even apparent bias is sufficient to convince the court of possible wrongdoing by the committee or any of its influential members . But what is certain is that the judge will put himself in the position of a fair-minded and informed observer , being the reasonable man who will act in both an objective and impartial way.. If he believes there is enough evidence to establish the possibility of apparent bias at the time of the hearing , or within the disciplinary procedure leading up to the hearing , then he will certainly find against the club.
Saturday, 8 August 2015
THE BALLAD OF A FADING BRIDGE STAR...... ( By Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber )
That first look in the mirror and what did I see
A rising young bridge star, a real prodigy
Mirrors don't lie, they are made out of glass
But reflections do change when years come to pass
Now that I'm older and have mastered this game
Results remain good, always the same
A celebrity bridge star was the face staring back
A player of distinction who was on the right track
With time marching on , and years left but a few
The picture I see is both disturbing and true
A fast fading star, but that's how it goes
A faceless non-entity ....that nobody knows
That first look in the mirror and what did I see
A rising young bridge star, a real prodigy
Mirrors don't lie, they are made out of glass
But reflections do change when years come to pass
Now that I'm older and have mastered this game
Results remain good, always the same
A celebrity bridge star was the face staring back
A player of distinction who was on the right track
With time marching on , and years left but a few
The picture I see is both disturbing and true
A fast fading star, but that's how it goes
A faceless non-entity ....that nobody knows
Sunday, 2 August 2015
TOY TOWN BC DISCIPLINARY HEARING No.62
The characters : Chairman ... Clockwork Mouse
Secretary.....Miss Prim
Complainant : Bumpy Dog
The Accused ....Big Ears
Witness .....Mr. Wobbly Man
Clockwork Mouse : In this letter of complaint , Big Ears , you are accused of being an eavesdropper, because you were listening in to comments made about a board , which was heading its way towards your table
Big Ears : Who made this outrageous accusation ?
Clockwork Mouse : Bumpy Dog
Big Ears : And what else did he say about me ?
Clockwork mouse : That you have you monstrous ears ....the size of barn doors.....which can pick up any conversation from anywhere the room.....even from tables in faraway corners.
And what's more Bumpy Dog claims your ears function like antennae , capable of tuning in to any sound waves no matter how faint.....such as the dropping of a pin. Finally , he has labelled you as a serial eavesdropper
Big Ears : He's barking mad....and should be put down. The man has made a defamatory comment about me, which in my book warrants censure and expulsion from this club
Miss Prim : What needs to be put down..... on record..... is that eavesdropping is a serious form of cheating , which certainly needs to be clamped down upon
Big Ears : Hold on a moment......I heard the comments he made about the board in question , because it was impossible for me not to hear them. Bumpy's loud yapping voice is one which can penetrate even the thickest of walls ....he's so loud surely everyone would have heard him
Miss Prim : But would everyone have registered the contents of the comments ?
Big Ears : How would I know ?
Miss Prim : I call Mr. Wobbly Man as Bumpy's first witness......
Mr. Wobbly Man : Yes.... I'm here
Miss Prim : Do you recall the night in question ?
Mr. Wobbly Man : Yes I do
Miss Prim: Did you at any time hear any comments made by Bumpy Dog ?
Mr. Wobbly Man : No I didn't....I would be too busy concentrating on what was happening at my table
Miss Prim : Well Big ears.....there you have it.....it's only you who somehow tunes in to other table conversations...... but no one else
Big Ears : Have you asked other members.... present that night....... if they heard Bumpy yapping away ?
Miss Prim : We did.....and none of them could recall hearing his voice..... let alone the contents of his remarks
Big Ears : As you well know eavesdropping involves secretly listening in.....without anyone knowing that you are doing so.......but I told the TD about what I heard which proves the opposite. I wasn't acting secretly.... and there was no intent to seek... and then use..... unauthorised information to my advantage. Once I obtained details about the board , I told the TD in no uncertain terms that I couldn't possibly play that hand. You see..... ethics matter to me a great deal
Clockwork mouse : What matters to you are results. By refusing to play that board you had two objectives in mind. Firstly , you were hoping to get bumpy dog into trouble. Secondly , by having already run up an average 65% on the boards previously played , you were looking to get a 65% average on the board in question..... without ever having to play the board.
Big ears : Can't you appreciate the fact..... I was denying myself the opportunity to get a top...
Clockwork Mouse : Yes...as well as a bottom....but being a results merchant.....a guaranteed above average score on the board is what matters most
Big Ears : Nevertheless , calling me an eavesdropper implies that I am a cheat.....which is not the case .....Heaven's above....I can't help it if I'm gifted with acute hearing
Clockwork Mouse : Might I suggest then... the wearing of ear muffs ?
Big Ears : You sir can go and get stuffed
Clockwork Mouse : Something you should have done with your ears....
Big Ears : I'm off
Miss Prim : Permanently I hope....
The characters : Chairman ... Clockwork Mouse
Secretary.....Miss Prim
Complainant : Bumpy Dog
The Accused ....Big Ears
Witness .....Mr. Wobbly Man
Clockwork Mouse : In this letter of complaint , Big Ears , you are accused of being an eavesdropper, because you were listening in to comments made about a board , which was heading its way towards your table
Big Ears : Who made this outrageous accusation ?
Clockwork Mouse : Bumpy Dog
Big Ears : And what else did he say about me ?
Clockwork mouse : That you have you monstrous ears ....the size of barn doors.....which can pick up any conversation from anywhere the room.....even from tables in faraway corners.
And what's more Bumpy Dog claims your ears function like antennae , capable of tuning in to any sound waves no matter how faint.....such as the dropping of a pin. Finally , he has labelled you as a serial eavesdropper
Big Ears : He's barking mad....and should be put down. The man has made a defamatory comment about me, which in my book warrants censure and expulsion from this club
Miss Prim : What needs to be put down..... on record..... is that eavesdropping is a serious form of cheating , which certainly needs to be clamped down upon
Big Ears : Hold on a moment......I heard the comments he made about the board in question , because it was impossible for me not to hear them. Bumpy's loud yapping voice is one which can penetrate even the thickest of walls ....he's so loud surely everyone would have heard him
Miss Prim : But would everyone have registered the contents of the comments ?
Big Ears : How would I know ?
Miss Prim : I call Mr. Wobbly Man as Bumpy's first witness......
Mr. Wobbly Man : Yes.... I'm here
Miss Prim : Do you recall the night in question ?
Mr. Wobbly Man : Yes I do
Miss Prim: Did you at any time hear any comments made by Bumpy Dog ?
Mr. Wobbly Man : No I didn't....I would be too busy concentrating on what was happening at my table
Miss Prim : Well Big ears.....there you have it.....it's only you who somehow tunes in to other table conversations...... but no one else
Big Ears : Have you asked other members.... present that night....... if they heard Bumpy yapping away ?
Miss Prim : We did.....and none of them could recall hearing his voice..... let alone the contents of his remarks
Big Ears : As you well know eavesdropping involves secretly listening in.....without anyone knowing that you are doing so.......but I told the TD about what I heard which proves the opposite. I wasn't acting secretly.... and there was no intent to seek... and then use..... unauthorised information to my advantage. Once I obtained details about the board , I told the TD in no uncertain terms that I couldn't possibly play that hand. You see..... ethics matter to me a great deal
Clockwork mouse : What matters to you are results. By refusing to play that board you had two objectives in mind. Firstly , you were hoping to get bumpy dog into trouble. Secondly , by having already run up an average 65% on the boards previously played , you were looking to get a 65% average on the board in question..... without ever having to play the board.
Big ears : Can't you appreciate the fact..... I was denying myself the opportunity to get a top...
Clockwork Mouse : Yes...as well as a bottom....but being a results merchant.....a guaranteed above average score on the board is what matters most
Big Ears : Nevertheless , calling me an eavesdropper implies that I am a cheat.....which is not the case .....Heaven's above....I can't help it if I'm gifted with acute hearing
Clockwork Mouse : Might I suggest then... the wearing of ear muffs ?
Big Ears : You sir can go and get stuffed
Clockwork Mouse : Something you should have done with your ears....
Big Ears : I'm off
Miss Prim : Permanently I hope....
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