" All those in favour of me stepping down please raise your hands "
Showing posts with label Shenanigans BC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shenanigans BC. Show all posts
Sunday, 1 March 2015
Wednesday, 18 June 2014
Wednesday, 2 April 2014
Thursday, 20 February 2014
WHAT SHENANIGANS GO ON INSIDE YOUR CLUB ? WHAT KIND OF COMMITTEE HAVE YOU GOT RUNNING THE PLACE ?.... DOES ANY OF THE FOLLOWING SOUND FAMILIAR ?
- Fingers of suspicion pointing in all directions
- Members in denial of any blame or responsibility
- A faction within the club demanding that the " whole committee should stand down "
- Jealousy and bitterness between key rivals
- Sabotage of rivals' prize-winning aspirations
- A chairman who gives the appearance of being " an emperor "
- A chairman who is resented by many but who thinks " he's Mr. Wonderful and everyone loves him "
- A treasurer who has been " less than rigorous with the accounts "
- Threats of possible law suits
All sounds too incredible ? You'd better believe it.... and you will do if you read the following article taken from The Times a few years ago........
Wednesday, 29 January 2014
NEWSFLASH : SURVEY RESULTS THROWS UP AMAZING COINCIDENCES AT THE COINCIDENCE BRIDGE CLUB.....
Survey result after survey result kept producing answers of 2%. This almost magical number appeared on every key statistic following a detailed analysis of the data. The following results demonstrate these amazing coincidences , which all seem to suggest that whoever named this club had a real vision of what these surveys results were going to produce.
1. 2% represented the undesirable element within the membership , which the other 98% were desperate to see turfed out
2. The club's top players represented just 2% of the total membership who as a close-knit elite always elected to pair up, or team up, with each other in all club competitions
3. Only 2% of all the players had warm kind words to describe their partners
4. Close scrutiny of players at the table revealed 2% as the only ones who didn't resort to soft cheating , coffee-housing or other unethical tactics to improve their chances of getting a good board
5. Every year to date membership numbers dropped by 2%
6. 2% represents the small group of members who are prepared to put something back into the club, by means of donations , fund raising activities , unpaid work behind the scenes and carrying out committee member responsibilities
7. Just 2% of the silverware went to pairs /teams which were made up of unrated players, who managed to defy the odds even in some non-handicapped competitions
8. Only 2% of the players surveyed admitted to ever reading the club's constitution and regulations , committee minutes and the orange book
9. Of those who knew the orange book rules , only 2% steadfastly refused to use their knowledge to seek favourable TD rulings against those guilty of harmless, innocent , and unintentional mistakes
10. The proportion of players who took the time and effort to read their opponents' system cards was a very disappointing 2% , choosing instead to ask time-wasting questions on each and every board regarding conventional bids used against them
Survey result after survey result kept producing answers of 2%. This almost magical number appeared on every key statistic following a detailed analysis of the data. The following results demonstrate these amazing coincidences , which all seem to suggest that whoever named this club had a real vision of what these surveys results were going to produce.
1. 2% represented the undesirable element within the membership , which the other 98% were desperate to see turfed out
2. The club's top players represented just 2% of the total membership who as a close-knit elite always elected to pair up, or team up, with each other in all club competitions
3. Only 2% of all the players had warm kind words to describe their partners
4. Close scrutiny of players at the table revealed 2% as the only ones who didn't resort to soft cheating , coffee-housing or other unethical tactics to improve their chances of getting a good board
5. Every year to date membership numbers dropped by 2%
6. 2% represents the small group of members who are prepared to put something back into the club, by means of donations , fund raising activities , unpaid work behind the scenes and carrying out committee member responsibilities
7. Just 2% of the silverware went to pairs /teams which were made up of unrated players, who managed to defy the odds even in some non-handicapped competitions
8. Only 2% of the players surveyed admitted to ever reading the club's constitution and regulations , committee minutes and the orange book
9. Of those who knew the orange book rules , only 2% steadfastly refused to use their knowledge to seek favourable TD rulings against those guilty of harmless, innocent , and unintentional mistakes
10. The proportion of players who took the time and effort to read their opponents' system cards was a very disappointing 2% , choosing instead to ask time-wasting questions on each and every board regarding conventional bids used against them
Wednesday, 4 December 2013
BIGOT-JOHNSON PULLS OFF AN AMAZING COUP AT THE SHENANIGANS CENTER OF APPROVED CHEATING......
It was committee time and a crucial vote was about to be taken on an amendment to The Constitution , which would give even more power to the chairman " to do as he sees fit ". Bigot knew well in advance that quite a few of the committee members had grave reservations about this proposal, and might well vote against it. And so slyness and deception was needed.
Not surprisingly a fierce debate took place between Bigot and his main adversaries , which as planned gave no opportunity or scope for the silent majority to have their say or voice their opinions. Many of them just simply looked on in sheer disbelief.
As soon as tempers settled down the voting forms were handed out with a yes/no box to be ticked ( in secret ). The folded forms were collected in, and carefully scrutinised, before being separated into two piles. As planned the larger pile represented the " yes " votes , and a declaration was made stating the 8 members voted in favour of the proposed amendment for change. With only 4 voting against, this meant that the 2/3 majority requirement had been met to give Bigot his hard earned victory.
After the meeting had ended , all the disgruntled committee members headed off into the night to drown their sorrows. Shyster , the Center's exceedingly sly and shadowy secretary , approached Bigot to query how the vote went 8-4 in his favour " when the secret surveillance cameras revealed that 6 had definitely voted against the proposed amendment ".
" Ah " said Bigot , " I anticipated this scenario ......and with slight of hand any magician would have been proud of........ I switched a doctored set of voting returns for the set that was done in the room. Relying on the fact that some of the objectors would not know about others , no one would suspect any foul play on my part. And that's why..........of course....... this place is called Shenanigans ! "
It was committee time and a crucial vote was about to be taken on an amendment to The Constitution , which would give even more power to the chairman " to do as he sees fit ". Bigot knew well in advance that quite a few of the committee members had grave reservations about this proposal, and might well vote against it. And so slyness and deception was needed.
Not surprisingly a fierce debate took place between Bigot and his main adversaries , which as planned gave no opportunity or scope for the silent majority to have their say or voice their opinions. Many of them just simply looked on in sheer disbelief.
As soon as tempers settled down the voting forms were handed out with a yes/no box to be ticked ( in secret ). The folded forms were collected in, and carefully scrutinised, before being separated into two piles. As planned the larger pile represented the " yes " votes , and a declaration was made stating the 8 members voted in favour of the proposed amendment for change. With only 4 voting against, this meant that the 2/3 majority requirement had been met to give Bigot his hard earned victory.
After the meeting had ended , all the disgruntled committee members headed off into the night to drown their sorrows. Shyster , the Center's exceedingly sly and shadowy secretary , approached Bigot to query how the vote went 8-4 in his favour " when the secret surveillance cameras revealed that 6 had definitely voted against the proposed amendment ".
" Ah " said Bigot , " I anticipated this scenario ......and with slight of hand any magician would have been proud of........ I switched a doctored set of voting returns for the set that was done in the room. Relying on the fact that some of the objectors would not know about others , no one would suspect any foul play on my part. And that's why..........of course....... this place is called Shenanigans ! "
Tuesday, 3 December 2013
NEWSFLASH : ALARMING DEVELOPMENTS AT SHENANIGANS BC CAUSE THE EBU TO GET EXTREMELY WORRIED............
It was bound to happen with Bigot-Johnson in charge. The ultimate chairman is on the verge of changing the name of the club to Shenanigans Center of Approved Cheating , such is the widespread practice of peeking , eavesdropping , walkabouts , expressive body language , coded card placements and gestures , loaded questions , hesitations and cunning use of TDs.
When questioned the chairman firmly believed that the best way to create a level playing field " was to provide everyone with the same opportunities to develop and harness their cheating methods to the same universal standard ".
As a result of this bold brave initiative, special classes are being planned by the Bigot to educate those not yet familiar with the dark arts. Students will be taught and encouraged to use all the techniques so successfully employed by him over the years.
Indeed, the potential take up for these classes seems to be massive, with non-members from far and wide expected to join up. These are likely to include keen tournament players yet to achieve any level success , given their modest ability at the game.
Even the £100 session fee is not expected to curb demand as everyone seems utterly fascinated by the abstract beauty and subtlety of Bigot's dark and dastardly table antics, so full of invention , creativity and cunning.
It was bound to happen with Bigot-Johnson in charge. The ultimate chairman is on the verge of changing the name of the club to Shenanigans Center of Approved Cheating , such is the widespread practice of peeking , eavesdropping , walkabouts , expressive body language , coded card placements and gestures , loaded questions , hesitations and cunning use of TDs.
When questioned the chairman firmly believed that the best way to create a level playing field " was to provide everyone with the same opportunities to develop and harness their cheating methods to the same universal standard ".
As a result of this bold brave initiative, special classes are being planned by the Bigot to educate those not yet familiar with the dark arts. Students will be taught and encouraged to use all the techniques so successfully employed by him over the years.
Indeed, the potential take up for these classes seems to be massive, with non-members from far and wide expected to join up. These are likely to include keen tournament players yet to achieve any level success , given their modest ability at the game.
Even the £100 session fee is not expected to curb demand as everyone seems utterly fascinated by the abstract beauty and subtlety of Bigot's dark and dastardly table antics, so full of invention , creativity and cunning.
Friday, 29 November 2013
NEWSFLASH : MORE SHENANIGANS AT THE SHENANIGANS BC
Typically it is the club chairman, Bigot-Johnson , who calls all the shots at committee meetings, but for once he was kowtowing to a higher authority within the ranks of the membership.
Fearful of upsetting the club's star players he felt compelled to respond. With their threats to leave the club ringing in his ears, the beleaguered chairman had to take the bull by the horns. Bigot had to meet all their demands and steer the committee towards endorsing some unpalatable decisions , which in the normal course of events would have been rejected out of hand.
Bigot had to box clever. There were going to one or two dissenting committee members who might well challenge these decisions and ask awkward questions. He needed to nail them down straightaway, by hammering home the message " needs must when the devil drives ". So five minutes into the meeting, Bigot declared in no uncertain terms that any opposing points of view would cruelly undermine all the predetermined outcomes he, and his close confidantes , had previously worked so hard to engineer. The chairman also informed the group that any dissent would be treated as " acts of betrayal , injurious to the best interests of the club " . This would result in objectors facing disciplinary hearings with serious consequences. A super fast schedule for the meeting had also been drawn up , in order to reduce both the time and opportunity for objections to be lodged. Furthermore, the decisions that had already been made were all based on sound evidence and argument, which the chairman is his infinitive wisdom had prejudged as the only " credible and permissible " kind. Finally , in a bold attempt to let everyone know he meant business , Bigot handed out voting papers with pre-ticked " yes " boxes, which was just as well as no-one had access to any pens , which happened to be safely locked away inside a stationery cupboard with no one being allowed to look for the keys.
All in all then, a thoroughly well executed exercise in getting one's way.
Typically it is the club chairman, Bigot-Johnson , who calls all the shots at committee meetings, but for once he was kowtowing to a higher authority within the ranks of the membership.
Fearful of upsetting the club's star players he felt compelled to respond. With their threats to leave the club ringing in his ears, the beleaguered chairman had to take the bull by the horns. Bigot had to meet all their demands and steer the committee towards endorsing some unpalatable decisions , which in the normal course of events would have been rejected out of hand.
Bigot had to box clever. There were going to one or two dissenting committee members who might well challenge these decisions and ask awkward questions. He needed to nail them down straightaway, by hammering home the message " needs must when the devil drives ". So five minutes into the meeting, Bigot declared in no uncertain terms that any opposing points of view would cruelly undermine all the predetermined outcomes he, and his close confidantes , had previously worked so hard to engineer. The chairman also informed the group that any dissent would be treated as " acts of betrayal , injurious to the best interests of the club " . This would result in objectors facing disciplinary hearings with serious consequences. A super fast schedule for the meeting had also been drawn up , in order to reduce both the time and opportunity for objections to be lodged. Furthermore, the decisions that had already been made were all based on sound evidence and argument, which the chairman is his infinitive wisdom had prejudged as the only " credible and permissible " kind. Finally , in a bold attempt to let everyone know he meant business , Bigot handed out voting papers with pre-ticked " yes " boxes, which was just as well as no-one had access to any pens , which happened to be safely locked away inside a stationery cupboard with no one being allowed to look for the keys.
All in all then, a thoroughly well executed exercise in getting one's way.
Saturday, 16 November 2013
BC CHAIRMAN
( THE
INFAMOUS
BIGOT-
JOHNSON )
YET AGAIN
PUTS HIS
COMMITTEE
MEMBERS
RIGHT
ON A
POINT OF
CONSTITUTIONAL
IMPORTANCE
.......
" How dare you insinuate that we are not doing things by the rules........of course we are......but unfortunately for the unknowing membership they just happen to be MY RULES "
BC CHAIRMAN
PUTS
COMMITTEE
MEMBERS
RIGHT
ON A
MATTER
OF
PROTOCOL
.......
" What do you mean ?........We're conducting our meetings in secret , demonstrating a total lack of transparency........For God's sake you lot.......... just look at the door......it's not closed at all.......in fact it's completely wide open "
Friday, 8 November 2013
EVEN MORE SHENANIGANS AND SHENANIGANS BC.....
Bigot-Johnson was really into his stride having secured as second year in office as Chairman of club's committee. In keeping with the initiatives introduced at the Slaughter House , Bigot was keen to unleash the following Charter on this new bunch of innocent, unsuspecting members, simply to bolster the already draconian Constitution recently implemented at an unscheduled , unreported, clandestine committee meeting. The primary aim of the new Charter was to safeguard the privileges and rights bestowed upon the chosen few , as currently laid down in the club's deviously drafted Constitution.
Some of the terms listed in this amazing document can be seen below :
This Charter is hereby ordained by a special resolution passed without opposition on the back of sack loads of proxy votes , as requested by Bigot-Johnson's call-to-arms. Designed to set up a framework of regulations, this document will allow the committee to crack down heavily on errant members, who in bad faith or without word of warning seek to expose perceived abuses of power by voicing their unwanted criticisms and concerns .
The provisions of the Charter are as follows :
1. A new sub-committee shall be established to undertake surveillance , intelligence and covert operations , referred to as SICO , but only by those who are in the know. This group will be fully independent, financed by the club's newly created secret slush fund, having complete anonymity along with an open cheque book. These group of carefully selected and highly motivated people will bug , listen into , intercept and report on any and all communication, oral, written and electronic , which ordinary club members foolishly choose to get involved in, especially the type of tittle-tattle which relates to , directly or indirectly , the activities undertaken or intended by the committee or individuals who serve upon it.
2. The sub-committee will be entitled to wield the proverbial sword on any irresponsible member who dares to publicise or broadcast derogatory or injurious comments about the committee , using such words as " biased , corruptible , money grabbing , covert , secretive , untrustworthy , despotic , nepotistic , Stalinist , and fascist ". Unsavoury words about the Chairman must never be used , such as " tosspot , fool and buffoon " at any time within the perceived 30 year period Bigot-Johnson intends stay on as chairman.
3. The sub-committee will rein in any and all members who are responsible for bad mouthing the committee or its officers, including those who are responsible for passing on illicit or damaging information onto newsletter , blog or local newspaper editors, which attempt to expose (a) the perceived abuses of power or ( b ) additional rights and privileges the committee may wish to bestow upon themselves. These reprobates will be subjected to a brutal and ruthlessly administered disciplinary process , which under the existing Constitution is exempt from (a) acting in good faith and (b) adhering to rules of natural justice.
4. The sub-committee shall also have the power to deal with any ordinary member whose actions or words cause unnecessary distress , pain or suffering to members or officers on the committee. Although power in invested in SICO requires intrusion into the private lives of the club members , the reverse of this situation is absolutely forbidden. The dirty laundry , skeletons in the closet , dark secrets , and never-ending scandals linked to committee members must never be brought out into the open , since the committee must be allowed to get on with its work , without fear or worry of unwanted interference , investigations, recriminations and rebellion from within.
5 -100 ( Secret and highly confidential )
In conclusion , this Charter will enhance the prospects of the committee to fulfil its aims in ridding the club , in accordance with the rules and regulations of the Constitution , of all troublemakers, undesirables , reprobates, pantopods , and unpleasant riff raff , on any whim or pretext whatsoever., in order to promote and enhance absolute loyalty and obedience from its compliant down trodden members.
Bigot-Johnson was really into his stride having secured as second year in office as Chairman of club's committee. In keeping with the initiatives introduced at the Slaughter House , Bigot was keen to unleash the following Charter on this new bunch of innocent, unsuspecting members, simply to bolster the already draconian Constitution recently implemented at an unscheduled , unreported, clandestine committee meeting. The primary aim of the new Charter was to safeguard the privileges and rights bestowed upon the chosen few , as currently laid down in the club's deviously drafted Constitution.
Some of the terms listed in this amazing document can be seen below :
This Charter is hereby ordained by a special resolution passed without opposition on the back of sack loads of proxy votes , as requested by Bigot-Johnson's call-to-arms. Designed to set up a framework of regulations, this document will allow the committee to crack down heavily on errant members, who in bad faith or without word of warning seek to expose perceived abuses of power by voicing their unwanted criticisms and concerns .
The provisions of the Charter are as follows :
1. A new sub-committee shall be established to undertake surveillance , intelligence and covert operations , referred to as SICO , but only by those who are in the know. This group will be fully independent, financed by the club's newly created secret slush fund, having complete anonymity along with an open cheque book. These group of carefully selected and highly motivated people will bug , listen into , intercept and report on any and all communication, oral, written and electronic , which ordinary club members foolishly choose to get involved in, especially the type of tittle-tattle which relates to , directly or indirectly , the activities undertaken or intended by the committee or individuals who serve upon it.
2. The sub-committee will be entitled to wield the proverbial sword on any irresponsible member who dares to publicise or broadcast derogatory or injurious comments about the committee , using such words as " biased , corruptible , money grabbing , covert , secretive , untrustworthy , despotic , nepotistic , Stalinist , and fascist ". Unsavoury words about the Chairman must never be used , such as " tosspot , fool and buffoon " at any time within the perceived 30 year period Bigot-Johnson intends stay on as chairman.
3. The sub-committee will rein in any and all members who are responsible for bad mouthing the committee or its officers, including those who are responsible for passing on illicit or damaging information onto newsletter , blog or local newspaper editors, which attempt to expose (a) the perceived abuses of power or ( b ) additional rights and privileges the committee may wish to bestow upon themselves. These reprobates will be subjected to a brutal and ruthlessly administered disciplinary process , which under the existing Constitution is exempt from (a) acting in good faith and (b) adhering to rules of natural justice.
4. The sub-committee shall also have the power to deal with any ordinary member whose actions or words cause unnecessary distress , pain or suffering to members or officers on the committee. Although power in invested in SICO requires intrusion into the private lives of the club members , the reverse of this situation is absolutely forbidden. The dirty laundry , skeletons in the closet , dark secrets , and never-ending scandals linked to committee members must never be brought out into the open , since the committee must be allowed to get on with its work , without fear or worry of unwanted interference , investigations, recriminations and rebellion from within.
5 -100 ( Secret and highly confidential )
In conclusion , this Charter will enhance the prospects of the committee to fulfil its aims in ridding the club , in accordance with the rules and regulations of the Constitution , of all troublemakers, undesirables , reprobates, pantopods , and unpleasant riff raff , on any whim or pretext whatsoever., in order to promote and enhance absolute loyalty and obedience from its compliant down trodden members.
Thursday, 7 November 2013
NEWSFLASH : MORE SHENANIGANS AT SHENANIGANS BC.........
A year in and the AGM was just a few weeks away. With only one another person standing against the existing Chairman , Bigot-Johnson , the time had come for his pre-emptive push for re-election , in a determined attempt to hold onto his power and privileges. So not surprisingly Bigot took on the unusual step of issuing next month's results in advance.
" As Chairman , I felt this action was absolutely necessary if only to stop dissident members wasting time , effort and money in campaigning for a lost cause. What was the point of turning up to an AGM to vote on a forgone conclusion. Having sent out Ronnie and Reggie to sound out members' voting intentions , it become quickly apparent that my re-election was going to be complete walk-over. Given this survey was all above board , I welcome doubting observers to come in and see all the blood-stained written statements of intent , secured by my two very trustworthy and handy lieutenants.
Results in full :
Bigot-Johnson - 267 votes
Petunia Pantopod : nil votes
As it happens with Petunia having just disappeared off the face of the earth without explanation or warning , it seems my re-election turned out to be the best thing after all , especially if members were looking for a chairman full of passion , commitment and reliability. "
A year in and the AGM was just a few weeks away. With only one another person standing against the existing Chairman , Bigot-Johnson , the time had come for his pre-emptive push for re-election , in a determined attempt to hold onto his power and privileges. So not surprisingly Bigot took on the unusual step of issuing next month's results in advance.
" As Chairman , I felt this action was absolutely necessary if only to stop dissident members wasting time , effort and money in campaigning for a lost cause. What was the point of turning up to an AGM to vote on a forgone conclusion. Having sent out Ronnie and Reggie to sound out members' voting intentions , it become quickly apparent that my re-election was going to be complete walk-over. Given this survey was all above board , I welcome doubting observers to come in and see all the blood-stained written statements of intent , secured by my two very trustworthy and handy lieutenants.
Results in full :
Bigot-Johnson - 267 votes
Petunia Pantopod : nil votes
As it happens with Petunia having just disappeared off the face of the earth without explanation or warning , it seems my re-election turned out to be the best thing after all , especially if members were looking for a chairman full of passion , commitment and reliability. "
Friday, 4 October 2013
NEWSFLASH : MORE VOTING SHENANIGANS AT SHENANIGANS....
At another not-too-well-advertised EGM at the 666 Shenanigans BC, cunningly convened by Bigot-Johnson's lackeys , a proposal was put forward to employ " bouncers " to man the front door. Their job would be to refuse entry to anyone " who didn't fit the bill ". Such a proposal allowed the club committee in effect to exercise their right to bar entry to anyone they perceived as undesirable.
However, a sizeable group of members got wind of this development and they turned up in droves to attend this EGM, ready to scupper Bigot's plans. After fierce debate the proposal was put to the vote, and immediately after the counting the results were announced : those in favour 37 plus the 16 proxy votes , those against nil , and 3 abstentions.
" Hold on a mo..." screamed an irate member from the back of the room. " I voted against this proposal .....so how come it's not mentioned in the count ? In fact there are 120 members present in this room tonight, and to my knowledge there was a large number who voted along with me. So what the hell have you done with the " no " votes.
Bigot stood up, smug faced and full of glee : " Eighty voting slips were spoilt and were therefore discounted.....or should I say discarded straight into the bin. They were all incorrectly filled out ...."
" What....I know I put my cross right in the middle of the box ! "
" Yes, and so did 79 others....but you suckers had not bothered to read the notice placed outside this room, which laid down the rules about how to fill in the voting slips. This notice clearly stated that crosses must be placed " on " the box to be valid , and so anyone putting them " in " the box would have spoilt their vote. "
" This is an outrage "
" Rules are rules .......and with great vision and forethought , I had already planned for this proposal to be implemented tonight.........and so would someone kindly send for the two bouncers, who I believe have just arrived.... to come in and have this obstreperous arsehole removed from the premises...."
At another not-too-well-advertised EGM at the 666 Shenanigans BC, cunningly convened by Bigot-Johnson's lackeys , a proposal was put forward to employ " bouncers " to man the front door. Their job would be to refuse entry to anyone " who didn't fit the bill ". Such a proposal allowed the club committee in effect to exercise their right to bar entry to anyone they perceived as undesirable.
However, a sizeable group of members got wind of this development and they turned up in droves to attend this EGM, ready to scupper Bigot's plans. After fierce debate the proposal was put to the vote, and immediately after the counting the results were announced : those in favour 37 plus the 16 proxy votes , those against nil , and 3 abstentions.
" Hold on a mo..." screamed an irate member from the back of the room. " I voted against this proposal .....so how come it's not mentioned in the count ? In fact there are 120 members present in this room tonight, and to my knowledge there was a large number who voted along with me. So what the hell have you done with the " no " votes.
Bigot stood up, smug faced and full of glee : " Eighty voting slips were spoilt and were therefore discounted.....or should I say discarded straight into the bin. They were all incorrectly filled out ...."
" What....I know I put my cross right in the middle of the box ! "
" Yes, and so did 79 others....but you suckers had not bothered to read the notice placed outside this room, which laid down the rules about how to fill in the voting slips. This notice clearly stated that crosses must be placed " on " the box to be valid , and so anyone putting them " in " the box would have spoilt their vote. "
" This is an outrage "
" Rules are rules .......and with great vision and forethought , I had already planned for this proposal to be implemented tonight.........and so would someone kindly send for the two bouncers, who I believe have just arrived.... to come in and have this obstreperous arsehole removed from the premises...."
Thursday, 26 September 2013
NEWSFLASH : BIGOT-JOHNSON TAKES OVER ANOTHER BRIDGE CLUB RENAMING IT "THE 666 SHENANIGANS BC ".......
( We , mentioning no names for fear of pending lawsuits , have uncovered the initial constitution of The 666 Shenanigans BC , which can be seen below. )
Article 1. Name
The name of this unincorporated association shall be The 666 Shenanigans Bridge Club , hereinafter referred to Shenanigans.
Article 2. Mission
Shenanigans shall be compromised of society's misfits , odd bods, undesirables , dodgy characters and reckless fun lovers with a warped desire and motivation to participate in a variety of covert , underhand and highly immoral activities including , but by no means limited to, the cheating, the bullying, and the coffee-housing that regularly goes on at the bridge tables.
Article 3. Membership
Shenanigans shall maintain a minimum of 12 members , of which one-third must have shady and rather dubious past lives. Membership however is therefore open to anyone, but those with credentials of dishonesty, deception and cunning are more than welcome. For a year's membership the cost is £30, but subsequent renewals will always be at the discretion of the executive committee. However, membership rights can only be obtained by an upfront payment of £4030, of which £4000 will be returned at the end of the year, providing sufficient funds are still left in club's bank account.
Article 4. Club rules
Shenanigans acknowledges and will abide by its own constitution rules , which at this present moment of time are being mulled over by the President-For-Life, Bigot-Johnson. Irrespective of what he posts on the notice board, the executive committee under his astute stewardship and direct leadership will be fully empowered to change the rules , simply at the drop of a hat or the whim of its esteemed leader.
Article 5 : Duties to be carried out by all executive members
( a ) to attend only the meetings they have been told to attend
( b ) to vote as instructed
( c ) to ratify retrospectively changes to rules introduced by the impetuous and power
crazed President
( d ) to honour the Oath of Allegiance , and to keep quiet about all secret back-handers
( e ) to submit to the President all the names and addresses of family and friends
( f ) to pay lip service to the bogus constitution that will stay posted on the notice board
( g ) to assist in the compilation of sterile, highly sanitised minutes of the meetings , which will be either full of inventive crap of a bland , meaningless , and harmless nature , or non-incriminating facts and figures.
Article 6 : Duties of the President
( a ) to obtain and maintain total control of all the club's financial affairs
( b ) to further develop and enhance nepotism and despotism within the club
( c ) to bring gambling and rubber bridge back to the forefront of card playing activities
( d ) to collaborate and link up with The Slaughter House BC for major functions , shindigs ,
parties , orgies and satanic rituals
( e ) to organise expensive bridge holidays for himself, his family and selected members of
the executive committee
( f ) to install surveillance cameras and gadgets in all parts of the club premises
( g ) to be responsible for implementing all cover-ups , and for ensuring that all
incriminating evidence is destroyed before any law enforcement agencies starts asking
awkward questions
( h ) to keep ordinary members , and all nosey, interferingy outsiders , completely in the dark
Article 7 : Executive elections
Except for the President all executive positions will be up for re-election after each year in office. These elections will take place on an unadvertised day , when those expected to turn up will be invitees , family, friends and/or easily bribed voters. Proxy voting may be allowed in certain emergency situations to avoid the risk of an undesirable outcome.
Article 8 : Meetings
These will be held in secret , usually by the chosen few who happen to meet up in dark corridors and corners. A meeting quorum need only consist of two executive officers , one of which must be the President , or someone acting as his mule.
Article 9 : Amendments
This constitution will make do as the loose operating basis of Shenanigans. No amendment can be carried out , unless it has the President's approval. In cases where the President himself rings the changes, no initial reference to the executive committee or the membership is needed.
Article 10 : Dissolution
The Club automatically ceases to exist the moment the roof caves in , and the President is in flight , being compelled to change his identity and go underground. Members need not concern themselves about recovery of subscription money , or any proprietary financial interests they may have in the assets of the club , since these will have all been swiftly transferred into one of the President's many secret off-shore accounts.
( We , mentioning no names for fear of pending lawsuits , have uncovered the initial constitution of The 666 Shenanigans BC , which can be seen below. )
Article 1. Name
The name of this unincorporated association shall be The 666 Shenanigans Bridge Club , hereinafter referred to Shenanigans.
Article 2. Mission
Shenanigans shall be compromised of society's misfits , odd bods, undesirables , dodgy characters and reckless fun lovers with a warped desire and motivation to participate in a variety of covert , underhand and highly immoral activities including , but by no means limited to, the cheating, the bullying, and the coffee-housing that regularly goes on at the bridge tables.
Article 3. Membership
Shenanigans shall maintain a minimum of 12 members , of which one-third must have shady and rather dubious past lives. Membership however is therefore open to anyone, but those with credentials of dishonesty, deception and cunning are more than welcome. For a year's membership the cost is £30, but subsequent renewals will always be at the discretion of the executive committee. However, membership rights can only be obtained by an upfront payment of £4030, of which £4000 will be returned at the end of the year, providing sufficient funds are still left in club's bank account.
Article 4. Club rules
Shenanigans acknowledges and will abide by its own constitution rules , which at this present moment of time are being mulled over by the President-For-Life, Bigot-Johnson. Irrespective of what he posts on the notice board, the executive committee under his astute stewardship and direct leadership will be fully empowered to change the rules , simply at the drop of a hat or the whim of its esteemed leader.
Article 5 : Duties to be carried out by all executive members
( a ) to attend only the meetings they have been told to attend
( b ) to vote as instructed
( c ) to ratify retrospectively changes to rules introduced by the impetuous and power
crazed President
( d ) to honour the Oath of Allegiance , and to keep quiet about all secret back-handers
( e ) to submit to the President all the names and addresses of family and friends
( f ) to pay lip service to the bogus constitution that will stay posted on the notice board
( g ) to assist in the compilation of sterile, highly sanitised minutes of the meetings , which will be either full of inventive crap of a bland , meaningless , and harmless nature , or non-incriminating facts and figures.
Article 6 : Duties of the President
( a ) to obtain and maintain total control of all the club's financial affairs
( b ) to further develop and enhance nepotism and despotism within the club
( c ) to bring gambling and rubber bridge back to the forefront of card playing activities
( d ) to collaborate and link up with The Slaughter House BC for major functions , shindigs ,
parties , orgies and satanic rituals
( e ) to organise expensive bridge holidays for himself, his family and selected members of
the executive committee
( f ) to install surveillance cameras and gadgets in all parts of the club premises
( g ) to be responsible for implementing all cover-ups , and for ensuring that all
incriminating evidence is destroyed before any law enforcement agencies starts asking
awkward questions
( h ) to keep ordinary members , and all nosey, interferingy outsiders , completely in the dark
Article 7 : Executive elections
Except for the President all executive positions will be up for re-election after each year in office. These elections will take place on an unadvertised day , when those expected to turn up will be invitees , family, friends and/or easily bribed voters. Proxy voting may be allowed in certain emergency situations to avoid the risk of an undesirable outcome.
Article 8 : Meetings
These will be held in secret , usually by the chosen few who happen to meet up in dark corridors and corners. A meeting quorum need only consist of two executive officers , one of which must be the President , or someone acting as his mule.
Article 9 : Amendments
This constitution will make do as the loose operating basis of Shenanigans. No amendment can be carried out , unless it has the President's approval. In cases where the President himself rings the changes, no initial reference to the executive committee or the membership is needed.
Article 10 : Dissolution
The Club automatically ceases to exist the moment the roof caves in , and the President is in flight , being compelled to change his identity and go underground. Members need not concern themselves about recovery of subscription money , or any proprietary financial interests they may have in the assets of the club , since these will have all been swiftly transferred into one of the President's many secret off-shore accounts.
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