NEWSFLASH : BIGOT-JOHNSON GETS STITCHED UP GOOD AND PROPER

( Large numbers of police burst into the Slaughter House Bridge Club, midway through a duplicate, to arrest Bigot-Johnson. Pointed out to them by Percy Pantopod, poor Bigot was seized before he could make his escape. The charges laid against him related to keeping members in the dark, and the reckless and needless waste of the club's precious cash funds. Moreover, anyone who dared to question the misuse of the members' money was dealt with in the most brutal and unsavoury way.   Outside the packed courtroom an angry,  volatile crowd was gathering.  Once described as upstanding, deceit, law abiding club members,  this baying mob were clearly hell bent on seeing Bigot get his comeuppance.  Nevertheless, the man in the dock decided  yet again,  with the aid of club funds,  to defend himself. A short extract from the trial's transcript can be seen below.)

Judge : Call the next witness, Percy Pantopod, to the stand
Prosecutor (Pros) : Do you Percy know the accused ?
PP : Yes I do.....he's the devil incarnate.......the antichrist
Pros : Were you there when he was arrested ?
PP : Yes....I was the one who pointed him out to the police
Pros : How did you do that ?
PP : With a kiss
B-J :  You Judas !
Pros : Is that the man over there.... sporting that hideous moustache... and wearing that insane mariner's hat.....Bigot-Johnson ?
PP : Yes it is
Pros : So what happened to his disciples.....his chosen flock....I mean his inner circle of cronies and hired thugs ?
PP : They legged it
B-J : Whatever happened to the commandment of loving one's enemies ?
PP : It doesn't apply....to the likes of you
Pros : And did Bigot-Johnson really keep all the club members in the dark and squander thousands of pounds of the club funds ?
PP : Oh yes.....the man is extremely devious......always getting the club into trouble with the law ....and then having the nerve to spend club funds on paying his legal expenses for taking on the job of counsel for the defence. The man has made himself very rich with all this litigation work.
B-J : But I was attempting to save on legal costs. Real lawyers would charge twice as much
PP:  And I would also like to add that he has demonised the game of bridge to such an extent that cheating, physical violence, and all out slanging matches are commonplace activities at our club.  In fact, he is personally responsible for plunging the club into a world of darkness, sin and eternal torment.
Judge : My God....are you saying that the accused has converted players to take up to follow his dark teachings and practices ?
PP and Pros ( in unison ) : Yes....
Judge : Well, unfortunately he hasn't committed any crimes as laid down by statute.....therefore he is beyond the kind of justice I can administer......despite being a very dangerous and subversive man.......
B-J ( interjecting ) : Hoorah ! Three rounds of cheers for the judge !
Judge : Consequently, I am compelled to wash my hands of this responsibility....
Pros :  Just like Caesar ?
Judge : Yes indeed....and this simply means I can throw this man to the lynch mob that has gathered outside the courtroom.......to administer justice in a good old fashioned kangaroo court way........... ideal for this kind of situation
PP : Yes..Yes........how ironic is that........ Bigot ....a former carpenter......minutes away from having to build and carry his own wooden cross
B-J : I demand to be locked up
Judge : Sorry, can't oblige.... I'm off.....and any way....the cells aren't in operation anymore .....government cuts you know
B-J : Bugger....