SHBC DISCIPLINARY HEARING No. 5613
( Philibert Pantopod , youngest nephew of Percy , was next up in the firing line having been forced to attend a military court style hearing , as the grand purge continued unabated.....)

B-J ( Chairman ) : Your name ?
PP : Philibert Pantopod
B-J : Your rank ?
PP : County master
B-J : And your soon-to-be expired membership number ?
PP : 4...2...7
B-J  : Well...Philibert....you have been charged on several counts of  " conduct unbecoming of a club member...."
PP : Such as ?
B-J : Many things ...like scratching your scrotum whilst fidgeting about in your chair.....for starters !
PP : Any others ?
B-J : Strumming the table top with your fingers as though you were playing an imaginary piano.....sniffing the seats of chairs vacated by young ladies.........and biting your finger nails when stressed
PP : Am I allowed to refute these outrageous charges ?
B-J : No....they've all been proven to be true
PP : Who by ?  .....And when ?
B-J : By seconded members who were instructed to perform carefully choreographed re-enactments of your crimes.......... when you weren't around of course 
PP : Am I allowed to say anything in my defence ? 
B-J : No
PP : What about in mitigation ?
B-J : No
PP : So I suppose now you're going to vote now on whether or not I'm guilty ?
B-J : No need to do that.....we decided well in advance what punishment we had in mind for you .....long before these charges were ever dreamed up
PP : Does that mean then I'm about to be suspended ?
B-J : Good God man.....are you blind or what ? Can't you see we've all been sitting here wearing little black caps on our heads !
PP : How could I ? ......This meeting has been conducted from start to finish in total darkness
B-J : Listen you muppet head .....we're saving on electricity
PP : Why's that ?
B-J : We need it all for the electric chair which is waiting for you downstairs . That damn thing can use up a week's supply in just one massive 10 second surge
PP : Yes , I see where you're coming from..... that does seem to make good sense
B-J : Well......I guess that's that......so can someone take this reprobate .......this total waste of space....downstairs......to administer his last rites 
PP : Can I make one last phone call ?
B-J : No....we trying to economise on that expense as well
PP : Oh...
B-J : And will you stop asking all these pointless and irrelevant questions.......it's time I buggered off.....the test match coverage is just about to start on Sky TV

" Well chairman .....I hope I wasn't being too presumptuous........but I thought it would save time if we got Philibert to sit in this chair from the off......."