WHY CAN'T I EVER UNDERSTAND MY PARTNER'S BIDS !
........( Another true story of what went off at a bridge table by Bridgemeister Gibson )  

There are some bridge players who can never be pleased, quick to condemn your bids but never their own. 
One night I was partnering a player who firmly believes he is always in the right , despite his penchant for making outrageous psychs and off-centre bids. A great lover of  pre-emtive opening bids, he opened a non-vulnerable 3H , as I was purring over a lovely 20 HCP hand :  AKx....Axx....KQ109 .....A109. Without any hesitation I bid 3NT ultra confident in seeing this contract come rolling in.
A few minutes later I was entering a rock bottom 3NT- 3 result onto the score card. His hand was an entry-less  xx...J10xxxx....xxx....Qxx , and with 2 spades , 2 hearts, 2 diamonds and a club to lose did I hear any words of comfort or an apology ? Not a chance ! But what I did hear was this sharp-tongued condemnation of my bid.
" Partner.....get it into your thick head that I only open at the three level on ABSOLUTE FILTH ! "