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Monday, 31 October 2011
Sunday, 30 October 2011
A SHOCKING REALITY THAT PERVADES ALL CLUB COMMITTEES....... ( Article by Professor Hu Chi Ku Chi )
A reality of all club committees , including those from the world of bridge , is that elected group members often fall victim to self-justification, self-serving bias , and a " we " mentality invoking conformity and the suppression of dissension .
The mode of thinking that committee members adopt is one of concurrence-seeking , which becomes so dominant in a highly cohesive " in-group ". Not surprisingly, in this situation there is an unshakable desire to over-ride any minority points of view , appraisal of a situation and alternative courses of action.
The starting point of this phenomenon is the initial belief of the ruling majority that " might is right ", which is then followed up by a belief in their own morality. The next stage comes when the committee begins to discount challenges from a dissenting member by collectively justifying their decisions. Following this basic rule to conform , group members soon recognise the need for self-censorship , accepting the illusion of unanimity, and putting up the necessary mind guards. Ultimately, there will be a failure to seek and discuss contrary information and alternative possibilities, because when the leader promotes or endorses an idea the rest will extricate and distance themselves from any dissenting views.
Within any committee all types of bias will undermine the decision making process. Gender bias is all too evident when the group is predominantly all male , or all female. Then there is the in-group bias where there is a tendency to favour one's own group. Also group members might fall victim to self-serving bias , compelling them to adopt the superior identity of " we " , in order to maintain a lofty position from where they can look down on the ordinary rank and file members with an air of distain and contempt.
Inevitably, in situations where committees have to deal with troublesome members already labelled as " undesirable ", then the risk of a collective and deeply entrenched prejudice is all too apparent. Indeed, wherever there is prejudice there is prejudgement , and prejudgements serve only to guide their memories, attention, and interpretation of the evidence down a particular path. Social psychologists have long recognised the presence of confirmation bias, where there is a compelling tendency to search for, and unearth only damning information , thereby confirming their own preconceptions or prejudices. However, if these prejudices were present at the outset, then the errant members are likely to be hung, drawn and quartered long before the rubber stamp disciplinary process gets into full swing .
All too often , when a troublesome member fits their negative stereotyping, these prejudicial attitudes tend to surface with a vengence , completely undermining the manner and way in which the disciplinary process is carried out. Indeed, it is these prejudices which persuade or coerce wavering committee members to follow the party line for the sake of conformity, appeasement and co-operation.
Is it therefore possible for committee members , if asked to discipline an unpopular and disliked club member , to step outside themselves and act independently with a blank or open mind ? I think not , and especially so when the evidence against him or her is ambiguous. We are all shaped by our genetic flaws, upbringing, and life's experiences. We are all prone to wanting power , only to abuse it when given the opportunity to rule . The shocking reality of all club committees simply reflects the shocking reality of The Human Condition and " The Beast In Man " .
Saturday, 29 October 2011
BRIDGE BOOKS TO BUY YOURSELF FOR CHRISTMAS......... ( Suggestions from Pun )
- She's 94 But She Still Loves Her Bridge...............Gay M. Olberd
- Things I Need To Drum Into Partner...................Tim Panney
- What Bridge Players Hate Most...........................Constance Bickering
- This Bloody Game Tears Me To Bits.....................Art Hake
- I Love Big Turnouts.............................................Morris Merrier
- I've Got A Partner Who Plays Lightning Quick......Jack B. Nimble
- I Like Partnering Young Buxom Females.............Randy Alman
- Sometimes In Bridge You Just Have To Grin........Ann Berritt
- You Won Crockfords, You're Having Me On ! ......Paul N. McChain
- Partner, Just Look What You Made Me Do.......... P. D. Masself
Friday, 28 October 2011
WHY TOP CLASS BRIDGE PLAYERS ARE VIEWED AS MAGICIANS ....... ( Article by Pun )
Like all good magicians expert bridge players are always capable of ............
- working minor miracles
- pulling things out of the hat
- turning bottoms into tops
- reading the cards correctly
- producing something from nothing
- keeping cards close to their chest
- creating illusions designed to deceive
- conjuring up one trick after another
- keeping one or two Aces up their sleeves
- turning hands quickly ( in the twinkling of an eye )
- stuffing rabbits into big black holes
- perfecting the art of mind reading
- finding an extra trick from somewhere
- taking centre stage
- safeguarding their treasured secrets
- giving performances with style and finesse
- picking the pockets of others
- mesmerising those who seek to catch them out
- becoming grand masters of their craft
- saving their best tricks till last
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
LITTLE RABBITS HAVE BIG EARS : THE PROVERB'S TRUE ORIGIN REVEALED.......... ( Article by Professor Hu Chi Ku Chi )
Many people wrongly believe that this proverb was a 20th century Australian modification of an earlier one " little pitchers have great ears ". The "ear" of the pitcher of course was the handle, which always had an ear-shaped design. The old adage was then modified further into " asses as well as pitchers have big ears ".
However, today most people have come to associate the meaning of the term as useful advice to grown ups, who need to watch what they say in front of children, in case the little ones hear something extremely sensitive or confidential , or bad language that should never be allowed to enter their vocabulary.
Yet the truth is this : only in bridge circles is the proverb used wisely and correctly, since its true origin dates back to the days when duplicate bridge became extremely popular. The advice given to many players was that one never talk about the hands after having just played them, because inferior ( little ) players, referred to as " rabbits " are more prone to eavesdropping than any one else. Desperate for any help or freely given information to help improve their scores, they would " tune in " to table post mortems on hands they were about to play. This desire to elicit valuable information caused them to " prick up " their ears , which to anyone looking on made it seem as though their ears were actually growing in size.
Clearly, this big ear , growth phenomenon became associated with players of little ability, integrity and honesty, hence the importance of the advice emanating from this wise old proverb " little rabbits have big ears ". When it comes to post-board discussions , either talk very very quietly or say nothing at all...........because the frightening reality is ......... the walls have ears too !
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
REBECCA ROOD'S MAILBAG........
Dear Rebecca ,
What do you do when playing 5 card majors and your partner opens 1S, with this miserable collection in your hand : x.....xxxxx.....Qxxx.....KJx ?
Well , I bid 1NT and sure as eggs are eggs he rebid 2S. In comes the loudest double ever by my LHO , passed round to me. Oh what to do ? Having nothing more to say, I passed and the contract went down 3 for 800.
Yours Enna Pickle
...
...
Dear Enna ,
Your 1NT is a perfectly sound bid , and has everything going for it. Any rebid by partner (2C/2D/2H) will be gratefully received and passed. Moreover 1NT might well be passed out , and even if partner does rebid his spades , the suit may be ( or should be ) robust enough to withstand a double. On occasions declarer will come up against a very nasty trump break, but there again so will every other declarer that night , which should make it a flat board.
Mind you we have a pair of dodgy grandmasters in our club who use a very simple system to cater for this awkward type of hand which have descibed . Any long delay before bidding 1NT tells partner you have a void or singleton in spades and not much in the way of outside values. A moderate delay shows a weak hand with a doubleton spade , whereas an instant 1NT response shows top-of-the-range points with a doubleton spade. It works a treat but please only use it at centres for approved cheating.
Yours never missing a trick, Rebecca
LAW REPORT : R v BIGOT-JOHNSON AND OTHERS ( 2009 )
( In this epic landmark case Bigot and two others were charged with offences under the Theft Act , when it appeared that a title, trophy and prize money had been obtained as a result of cheating by their two team mates . Bigot , who had never won a proper competition before , denied any wrongdoing on his part, and consequently refused to hand back these ill-gotten gains. A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below, with Bigot of course conducting his own defence . )
Prosecuting Counsel (PC) : Please tell the court, Bigot....were you aware of your team mates cheating ?
B-J : What .....members of my team cheating...... a preposterous suggestion !
PC : Well, we have their written confessions in court...
B-J : Forced out of them no doubt under duress....
PC : No...they were freely and openly made without fuss
B-J : Well, that just goes to show what honest cheaters they were......unlike all those bastards who cheat and remain dishonestly dumb
PC : Are you suggesting that cheating is a widespread practice in the game ?
B-J : Have you ever played the game yourself ?
PC : No
B-J : Well, if you had then you would know the answer to that question
PC : Well, let's get down to the nitty gritty of this case. Under Section 5 (4) of the Theft Act a person is guilty of theft if he/she obtained property by another's mistake, and was subsequently under an obligation to make restoration of the property, or its proceeds, or the value thereof, but fails to do so.
B-J : God you know your stuff....
PC : The property in question was the national title, the silver cup, and the prize money.....which I might add rightfully belonged to the runners up. The competition organisers mistakenly declared you the winners, despite being made aware of the cheating allegations. The spoils were wrongly handed over to you, but once your unscrupulous team mates had confessed to cheating , you were duty bound to transfer the property back to the rightful winners.
B-J : Ah....but isn't bridge a game of chance ? A game in which big money can ultimately be won on the turn of a card ?
PC : Please explain....
B-J : You see ....the entrance money is like the stake , and all entrants have a chance of winning it back plus more. Given that there is only going to be one winning team, it is often down to chance as to which team will eventually walk away with the money. This means therefore that the tournament is a wagering and gaming event . Therefore, I was not under a legal obligation to restore anything as payouts and /or paybacks are not recognised as legally enforceable. Moreover, even if property had been handed over to us by mistake , there is no form of civil restitution that applies to ill-gotten gambling proceeds.
PC : An interesting observation I might say...but one which is totally flawed. Bridge is not a game of chance but one of skill. Entering a bridge venue is not the same as walking into a betting shop. Even if you were not under a legal obligation to restore the property to its rightful owners , there was an overwhelming moral obligation to do so.
B-J : Ah....but what you have failed to establish is the mens rea element of theft.....which is dishonesty. Firstly, the cheating carried out by my team mates was not dishonest.....their actions were nothing more than frowned upon table antics......naughty school boy pranks.......inappropriate behaviour.......but as for " dishonest " I reject that claim entirely. And secondly, my motives were honest in that I genuinely felt we deserved that title for the way the three of us had played out of our skins.
PC : Bigot.....you know full well that the trophy would not have been won but for the cheating by your other two team mates. Closing your eyes to this reality, and condoning the cheating of your team mates, all fuelled no doubt by your insatiable greed for fame, glory and money, makes you an extremely dishonest person.
Judge : Well said that man.....clearly there's nothing left to argue over............. so will you jury members nip off for 5 minutes and return with your guilty verdict.....then we can all be home for tea-time
B-J: But I haven't finished my defence yet...
Judge : No point...
B-J : Bugger
( This law report was inspired by a recent , must-read , hard hitting article written by Cam French involving a major incident with a similar story line...but as yet with an unresolved outcome to correct an ongoing injustice . )
Sunday, 23 October 2011
" CARVING UP THE OPPONENTS" : THE ORIGIN OF THE PHRASE........ ( Article by Professor Hu Chi Ku Chi )
Many scholars believe that the phrase " carve up " was an English bridge term meaning to spoil a player's chances, or to scupper his prospects of making the contract. Other scholars claim that the term referred to the share out of prize money illicitly earned by players , who had taken the art of cheating to unprecedented levels.
However, they are all wrong. The phrase " to carve up your opponents " goes back back to the days of Sir Francis Dashwood, who formed a private bridge club like no other. Here such words had a more literal meaning, in that Sir Francis mercilessly picked off and gruesomely murdered any opponents , who dared to breach the rules of acceptable play and etiquette. Inevitably, the end-of-year profits of the club would be carved up between Sir Francis and the few surviving members, giving them a far bigger share than they deserved.
The term " carve up " had since been applied to motorists, who aggressively cut in front of another driver, an action which has led to the phenomenon of " road age ". In fact today, there are now all sorts of " rage " situations to describe the frustrations of modern life. " Trolley rage " in supermarkets when shoppers get carved up by queue jumpers. " Air rage " when passengers on board a plane have their itinerary plans carved up when told of unscheduled diversions, landings and stop-overs at another airports.
However, in the modern game of bridge , carving up the opponents has now come to mean beating them hands down, and metaphorically tearing up their score cards into tiny meaningless shreds. Not surprisingly, the victims then display a behavioural phenomenon that dates back centuries , but one which has become far more extreme in today's highly competitive world of bridge ....... " TABLE RAGE " .
Saturday, 22 October 2011
LAW REPORT : BURK & HARE v. BIGOT-JOHNSON ( 2011)
( In this civil action Bigot-Johnson was being sued under Occupiers' Liability for negligence. The plaintiffs were claiming breach of a statutory duty under the 1957 Act . Bigot of course elected to defend himself, and a short extract from the trial's transcript appears below. )
Counsel for the plaintiffs ( CP ) : Bigot .....I put it to you that as owner occupier of the Slaughter House Bridge Club you were under a statutory duty of care to see that all lawful visitors would be " reasonably safe in using the premises for the purposes for which they were invited or permitted by you to be there "
B-J : For God's sake man.....my premises are always safe for both lawful and unlawful visitors . Carpets are regularly nailed down.....big holes in the car park get immediately filled in with bodies of ex-members and quick-setting cement.......the vicious rottweilers are always kept chained up the cellar.....and all the highly toxic poisons we keep for emergencies are safely locked away in the boot of my car.....
CP : That may be all well and good , but the real danger that pervades your club house has nothing to do with the premises itself or its contents , fixtures and fittings....it has everything to do with the type of people you allow to play there !
B-J : What on earth are you insinuating .......that some my members pose risks to others ?
CP : Exactly, some of your more undesirable members are walking death traps, lethal assassins....ticking time bombs......posing danger at every turn and at every table . Error prone newcomers , especially beginners, are put at constant risk....
B-J : Ok...I must admit that from time to time a few players go a little bit over the top , when irritated or upset, but all that comes with the territory.
CP : Excuse me...but these so called merchants of death display all the characteristics of vicious psychopaths, looking out for any opportunity to sadistically bully and mentally torture helpless human prey. Look at these two clients of mine......psychologically broken and maimed....both now in constant need of psychiatric care.......mentally crippled for life.
B-J : Hold on there a mo.....these two bunnies only got what all bunnies get.....loads and loads of bollockings.
CP : Well, can I point out to you that in the case of Cunningham v Reading Bridge Club 1991 the court held that in certain circumstances an occupier may be liable for negligently failing to prevent deliberate injury done by one visitor to another. Throwing insults and abuse is no different from throwing stones, bricks and bridgemates........ they all cause severe injury and damage.
B-J : Oh....
CP : What won the case for the plaintiff was the fact that the wrong-doing was foreseeable.....and nothing was done to prevent it........no warnings, no interventions,....a complete absence of any supervision or control
B-J : Ah ....but surely these two numpties were equally aware of the risks and were quite prepared to accept them..... permitting me, therefore , to use the defence of consent.....referred to by you smart arse lawyers as volenti non fit injuria
CP: Nice try..... but no....the dangers they fell victim to were extra hazardous and out of the ordinary, being well outside what one would normally expect to encounter at a bridge club..... risks far beyond what they could be expected to foresee. To put it frankly.....they were victims of brutal psychological assaults that would make KGB torture methods look soft and fluffy in comparison
B-J : Oh....
Judge : " Oh " indeed....I have heard enough....You , Bigot, have created a club which truly lives up to its name. There was a duty of care imposed upon you, which you flagrantly breached by failing to ensure that novices and newcomers would be safe from known psychopathic bullies and predators,.....thugs..... who you allowed to go about their business with your obvious blessing. Therefore, I find in favour of the plaintiffs with each to receive £50,000 damages.....
BJ : Bugger .....there's goes my new Porsche and 3 month winter Mediterranean cruise
Friday, 21 October 2011
Thursday, 20 October 2011
PISSING IN THE WIND ....... ( Another poetic masterpiece from the pen of Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber, a true fan and ardent admire of Bob Dylan )
How many times must a man misbehave
Before he obeys a command
How many players does he need to upset
Before he gets verbally panned
How many times must a bridgemate fly
Before he is eventually banned
Getting answers , my friend, is like pissing in the wind
Getting answers is like pissing in the wind
How many years can a committee exist
Before it's cast out in a vote
How many years can a dissenter survive
Before he is hung by the throat
How many times must a chairman be told
That his smile looks more like a gloat
Getting answers, my friend, is like pissing in the wind
Getting answers is like pissing in the wind
How many times must a committee look up
Before eventually seeing the light
How many warnings need to be heard
Before agreeing to give up the fight
How much money will have to be spent
Before knowing they weren't in the right
Getting answers, my friend, is like pissing in the wind
Getting answers is like pissing in the wind
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
BRIDGE BOOKS MASTERPOINT PRESS CHOSE TO IGNORE..... ( And quite rightly so says Pun )
- My Partner Just Never Shuts Up.................................Des E. Harpon
- " I've Got Two Big'uns For You, Partner ".....................May I. Oldham
- As Bridge Celebrities Go, She's The Biggest..................Ella Fantine
- The Only Way I Can Keep My Partner Happy...............Alec Hiscock
- Jesus , They've Sussed Out Our Cheating Methods.......Bess B. Hoff
- This Partnership Is Made In Heaven...........................Ewan Mee
- Even At 50 I'm Seen As A Juvenile Club Member .......Mia Youngblood
- At Last Partner You've Calmed Your Bidding Down....Alisha Passmore
- We Need To Be Frank And Honest With Each Other.....Les. B. Blunt
- Some Players Can Be Very Prickly Indeed..................Rose Bush
DR JOHN HAS IRREFUTABLE PROOF THAT BRIDGE PLAYERS ARE INDEED EXTREMELY ODD......
I have always been fascinating by the fact that so many bridge players come across as cantankerous , stubborn , mule-headed, awkward, ill-tempered and quarrelsome. Why is it I asked myself ?
Was it down to these players being well into their 60's, where being grumpy and miserable has become part and parcel of being old and cynical ? Was it down to the nature of the game which draws out from players their darker side and inner demons ? Or was it down to a specific as yet undiagnosed psychiatric disorder ?
Well , my research initially focused on the idea that such behavioural traits suggested victims were suffering from clinical anxiety, but the reality proved to be something else. Bridge players are oddly aggressive, because ODD is what they are. All of them have simply fallen victim to an OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER, which as it happens sits at the far end of the stubbornness spectrum. The line that divides being just difficult and stubborn from ODD has its own set of diagnostic criteria.
Players diagnosed as ODD quickly develop a pattern of negativistic, hostile and defiant behaviour which if unchallenged and untreated will last forever. The game of bridge seems to nurture and exacerbate this condition tenfold. Conflict situations crop up on almost every hand , where players feel compelled to argue with one another, to lose their temper, to actively defy or refuse to comply with requests, rules and TD decisions. Moreover, their inability to cope with bad scores fuels a burning desire to feel angry, resentful, spiteful and vindictive, whilst getting extremely touchy when others behave in a like way towards them.
So concerned have I been about ODD bridge players, I felt obliged to do this blog in order to stimulate more research into this alarming problem that is blighting bridge clubs the world over. However, what I have found to be the key criteria for ODD is spitefulness and vindictiveness. Bridge players cannot stop themselves from blaming others for their mistakes. In my view, " their destructiveness and disagreeableness " are purposeful in that afflicted players actively seek revenge by getting others mad. They choose to be " oppositional " not because of some stubborn streak they have suddenly developed, but because of an irresistible desire to rile those that have upset them.
If club committees would like to know more about this disorder, and what can be done to combat it, then I suggest they send off a cheque for a copy of my latest book entitled..... The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of ODD and The Study of the Ongoing Pattern of Disobedient, Hostile and Defiant Behaviour in Bridge Clubs. Most of the material involves clinical case studies of the ODDest bridge players I have ever encountered.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
BIGOT-JOHNSON TEACHES HIS STUDENTS A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON.......
During one heated session a smart alec student stood up and asked the great man how important was it to heed all the advice that was being spewed out in class.
Bigot was incensed . There he was giving out pearls of wisdom and wonderful tips on how to play winning bridge , only for this egit to dare question the value and worth of his teaching.
" Listen you muttonhead .....never ignore good advice. So please pay attention to the story I'm about to tell you........ and try to grasp the message it carries.......
It was a burning hot day and a local businessman had stopped to fix his broken-down car on remote stretch of road high up on the moors , when a man approached him begging for a drink of water...............with deep regret the businessman said he had no water to give him, but would he like to buy his tie for £5......immediately, the thirsty man snapped back telling him what an idiot he was...... it was water he had asked for..... and not a naff second-hand tie. The businessman was then asked if there was any place nearby where water could be purchased...... and to his great relief he was told that 2 miles further up the road was a privately run Country Club but that.........
Abrupt to the point of being rude the dying man had sped off in pursuit of a drink even before the sentence had been completed. Two hours later when the makeshift repairs on his car had been done, but who should be staggering back down the road towards him was the very same thirsty man..... looking in far worse shape than he was before.......hardly able to speak , he eventually managed to whisper the following words ....why on earth did you send me to that unforgiving place.....that stubborn doorman brother of yours wouldn't let me in without a bloody tie !! ..............
I DO HOPE THIS STORY ANSWERS YOUR STUPID QUESTION "
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