BIGOT LOSES HIS RAG.......AGAIN............... ( Article by Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber )

Poor old Bigot. He had single-handedly and valiantly managed to claw back a half-time 1000 point deficit in a teams match against a sided captained by his arch-enemy Percy Pantopod. Much now depended on getting a big score on the penultimate hand to engineer a last final push to secure victory. His partner had picked up an enormous red two suiter : x ....AKQxx......A98xxx....Q.

Bigot unfortunately was looking down at AK10....9....Jx......KJ10xxxx. Classic misfit time. Naturally partner opened 1D only for the man to respond 2C. Next came a forcing reverse bid 0f 2H, and so Bigot decided on 2S ( 4th suit forcing ) for want of a more constructive bid. Failing to have a stopper in spades, his partner bid 3H to confirm a 6-5 distribtion in the red suits. Seeing no better contract than 3NT, the hog decided anyway he was best placed to play the contract. Three more passes ended the auction Somehow the irritating Percy Pantopod found an inspired lead of the queen of spades ....from Qx !! Bigot was obliged to take the trick in hand with the Ace. He knew he was in trouble. If he played any club, even a half-witted defender would hop up with the Ace, to fire back a heart and lock declarer in dummy. Now if hearts broke 5-2, nothing could be done to avoid the defence enjoying 2D, 2H and 1C to defeat the contract.

So Bigot tried another plan by playing on diamonds at trick 2, hoping that even with a bad heart break, but a favourable 3-2 diamond split, defence might err allowing him to make 3H, 4D and 2S. He gave himself an extra chance by playing the diamond jack to pin a stiff 10. No such luck. The jack ran round to be taken by South's queen. Back came a second heart. Doomed.

North came up with a 2-5-3-3 distribution, while South had a 7-2-2-2 . Bigot was now well and truly pissed off.

So when partner meekly suggested that perhaps it would have been better to start on clubs, the bull began snorting. " You fool....it doesn't matter a jot whether the defence get their club trick straight away or later....the outcome was going to be the same.....8 tricks and no more. I had no communication to my hand . "

" Well, it should turn out to be flat board eh ? . "

Oooops....the red rag that Bigot had lost was now being waved back at him across the table. The bull was on the rampage.....and had partner firmly in his sights. " You thundering great numpty......knowing this rural lot of kitchen bridge bidders.....who don't know what sophisticated bidding is all about.... they will keeping keeping their 7 card club suit until the cows come home. 6C is a lay down slam.....6C, 3H, 2S, and 1D. Do you want me to thrash you now ....or later ? "

Postscript: Sure enough the opposition did end up in a club contract, but only 5. Nevertheless the 450 swing was enough to condemn Bigot to yet another first round exit from the Nicko competition .