( As usual Bigot-Johnson was upsetting the club's officers despite being one of the first members to pay next year's subs. Strangely, this simple act incurred the wrath of the committee members to such an extent, they rapidly summoned him to a disciplinary hearing. An explanation behind this mischievous act was at the forefront of their minds. A transcript of this most unusual hearing appears below . )
Chairman ( C ) : Is it true Bigot that you wrote out a cheque for next year's subs on an egg ?....
B-J : As I recall......yes
C : A giant goose's egg .....no less
B-J : The biggest and best I could get my hands on
C : Well, we take this " joke " of yours very seriously indeed. This was nothing more than a blatant act of mischievousness on your part.....
B-J : But I ran out of proper cheques......and plain writing paper........and my good wife........God bless her.....had just arrived home with a basketful of geese eggs.
C : Did it not occur to you Bigot that such an object cannot be processed in the same way as proper cheques ? Moreover, I am absolutely certain that banks would not entertain the idea of handling such an object to go all the way through their clearing system. Surely, it would require the employment of special receptacles and messengers ?
B-J : Might I remind the committee that any legal object can be adapted and used as a cheque, providing all the necessary requirements and details are present, and made clearly visible. Napkins and labels of brandy bottles come to mind. I recall seeing dozens of lottery winners receiving giant over-sized cheques, and in 2003 a certain Mr. Nick Buxton wrote a £120 cheque to pay a court fine on a concrete slab.......which had the appearance of a mock gravestone. Indeed, there have been other precedents of bizarre cheques.....none of which could compete with a farmer who wrote a rent cheque on the side of a live cow !
C : But no doubt these people were lunatics with grudges.....
B-J : Or....... they were great improvisers....
C: I've heard enough......the fact remains your cheque was written on a freshly laid egg, which was..... to say the least....... both delicate and fragile to handle.......at risk of cracking open if dropped.
B-J : Ah...you're right....I should have hard boiled it first
C : Your cheek beggars belief.....so I put it to you Bigot.....your motive behind all this seems all too obvious.....you were out to make life difficult for us, and that any attempt by us to process the egg through the banks would have incurred an a substantial handling and levy charge. So unless you pay over a proper cheque, or make the payment in cash, we will presume that you don't intend to renew your membership for the coming year.
B-J : OK then,......but I want my egg back....
C : You can't...
B-J : Why not ?
C : My wife and I ate it for breakfast this morning....
B-J : Bugger.....
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