THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY.......................

• Double : the order you give to the steward when in desperate need of something to calm your nerves
• Penalty doubles : the ones you are always put upon to pay for at the club's bar
• Axe : ( i ) slang term for double , or ( ii ) a sharp metal object you like to have on your person when high and mighty opponents need cutting down to size
• Whack : ( i ) another slang term for double, or ( ii ) the unfortunate sound that occurs when hard steel comes into sharp contact brittle leg bones
• Sputnik double : an out-of-the-world bid that cleverly shows possession of two suits, without even having to name one
• Sucker double : one that a muppet partner is likely to make, which is destined to convert a harmless part-score into a match winning game score...... for your opponents
• Striped-tail ape double : an apt name given to an opponents' double, which your monkey of a partner allows to stand. Only then, after realizing that the doubled contract ( with overtricks ) produces a far inferior score to the slam he's been huffed out of bidding....does he go ape-shit. Usually, this would be the appropriate time for his partner to ram a whole bunch of bananas down his throat. This of course requires partner to have both the good fortune and foresight to carry them on his person ......along with his axe.