BIGOT-JOHNSON CALLS IT A DAY...............

Dear all,

I have reluctantly decided to give up playing tournament bridge, for I'm at that point where I no longer care ! After 42 years of agonising frustration of just missing out ( time and time again ) on winning a major trophy, I have now lost all hope of ever finding a partner, who knows what the dickens is going on. No one seems to understand my visionary bids and prism signalling methods. Anyway, I'm finding more fame and glory through my blog than I ever did with my bridge prowess.

So yes...I will not miss for a second all those smart-arsed, mealy-mouthed, up-their-own arses, smug bastards that turn up to these tournaments in their droves. To hell with trying to compete against players whose bidding systems are mystery to mortal men, players who cheat, and players who go squealing to TDs on any pretext they can possibly dream up. I've had it up to my neck playing in a field that is so unlevel it's almost vertical. Because you have to ask yourselves " how was it possible for one of the world's greatest players ( that's me ) to remain so anonymous for so long ? "

Naturally, I haven't given up the game......because I'm now going to do what I was really destined to do. Bunny bashing big time. Taking competent newcomers under my wing and showing them how to murder and marmalise novice pairs, who are and will forever be clueless bumbledogs. Shooting fish in a barrel is something that immediately comes to mind. So what's wrong with wanting to establish myself as the " affordable " club professional, for all those paupers on a limited income..... who we now let into our clubs these days.

However, it is the blog which will take priority over everything else because I am on a quest. Yes, I want every bridge player in the world to know my name ........as a legend in the cyber world of bridge blogging .....after the likes of Bobby and Julie Kay Wolff. Let's face it, my blog will never be dull because the world of bridge is so damn bizarre. Every god damn bridge club is like a theatre of the absurd, where we the players are actors. So it is my duty to expose all its absurdities that most of us choose to ignore.....especially if there is half a chance I might shock, amuse and entertain my readers in the process.

Yours on a roll, Howard Bigot-Johnson