( Bigot-Johnson was making front page headline news again in the Bawtry Gazette, when having been accused of racial discrimination by his female bridge partner, the Crown prosecution Service decided to charge him with offences under the Race Relations Act. Bigot, who had by now become very accustomed to court room practices and procedures, decided yet again elect to defend himself. An extract from the trial's transcript appears below .)
Prosecutor : Is it not the case Bigot, that your own own club committee upheld a complaint from a lady member concerning several racial slurs you made about her nationality and ethnic origins....all of which were made during a bridge game on April 17th 2010 ?
B-J: I don't recall making any such slurs......
P : Allow me to remind you ............there was one instance where you referred to her as a " darkie "
B-J : No.....I did not......I merely asked if the object I had found on the floor by her feet was her " door key "
P : And what about these words, which you whispered across to her that evening : " I hate niggers ! "
B-J : No....no...she got it all wrong .....I said to her : " I hate enigmas "
P : And then there was your remark about " give me the Black Bottom any day "
B-J : Well....that remark was in reply to her waxing lyrical about the Charleston......
P : You sir are despicable.....and I'm sure the jurors do not believe a word you say. Indeed, throughout the whole duplicate game you made countless Afro-Caribbean references by constantly using the word " black " . Examples include black suits, blackout, blackberries, blackwood, faces as black as thunder, black sheep and so on....................And don't let's forgot the numerous times you asked about her spade holding.......
B-J : But many of these are bridge related terms, and the others are commonly used idioms in everyday speech
P : That is as may be.....but you used them in such a way as to convey sinister and racist undertones. This is evidenced by your contrasting use of " white " references, where you described yourself as a white knight, having gone as " white as a sheet ", and a teller of little " white lies ".
B-J : Hold on a mo...this is all conjecture and mere speculation. This evidence you have seems very grey to me.....
P : Well, from my point of view....it is all black and white ( laughter echoes around the courtroom )
B-J : So let's me get this straight. If I partner then an American Indian .....or a Russian......I can never use the word "red " , or any words that have red connotations ?
P : Correct.....
B-J : And if my partner comes from the planet Mars I mustn't make any " green " references whatsoever for fear of causing racial offence ?
P : Correct.....
B-J : Well, I can assure you that I never consciously intended to make any detrimental racist remarks or innuendos whatsoever .....
P : Ah yes, but in your sub-conscious your racist attitudes lurk with intent, occasionally forcing their way through into your conscious thoughts, speech and writing....
B-J : Upon my soul....you could be right.....but if that is the case then you are prosecuting the wrong person. You should be bringing charges against my inner self.
Judge : This would be utterly preposterous.....that would be like bringing charges against an invisible man! And I'm not having that !
B-J : What .....are you discriminating against my inner self because of his invisibility ?
Judge : Oops....I think you've got me there, Bigot. Hell, I'm stopping this trial right now before I embarrass myself even more.....This case is dismissed
P : On what grounds ?.........
Judge : That all allegations of discrimination are acts of discrimination in themselves. Hypocrisy appears to be rife in this court. Anyway I'm off..... I've got tickets for tonight's Black and White Minstrel Show. ....Good day to you all...
B-J : Well, I'll be buggered.....
Judge : Not by me ......you puff.....
No comments:
Post a Comment