BIGOT-JOHNSON :  DEALING WITH EX-CHAIRMEN......

( Bigot-Johnson is not one for keeping secrets. Indeed, all the techniques The Slaughter House BC chairman has used and developed over the years have been entered up in his forthcoming publication, being a hefty looking manual on  " How To Be An Effective  Bridge Club Chairman ". One snippet from the first chapter offers advice to anyone newly elected into the post on how to deal with the out going chairman who stood against you. )

1. Summon him to attend an informal hearing , making sure the room has all the trappings and appearance of a court house.

2. Make sure he is left waiting outside for some considerable length of time.

3. Have him escorted in by two of your burliest supporters to be seated on a very small chair in front of the raised platform on which you and 4 other henchmen are positioned.

4. It is essential that the four panelists including yourself are dressed in military looking uniforms. Right at the start ,  they must plonk the heavy jack boots they're wearing onto  the bench in front of them  , such that only your face is the one which can be seen from below.

5. Tell him that you bear " no hard feelings " over the campaign he vigorously and valiantly fought against you for this coveted position of power.

6. Carefully point out all the various indignations you were subjected to prior to the campaign ,      listing all the criticisms and bad mouthing you personally received from him and his known associates.

7. Ask him what , if any , weaknesses he feels you might possess with regards to this office. If he claims you have none, point out straightaway all the contents of The Folder you have with you.  This folder , of course , contains all the written references to yourself , which  have clearly cast you in an extremely bad light. Ask him how it is possibly reconcile this sudden change of view with page after page of this defamatory bile. However, if he starts  to repeat any  of the criticisms  listed in the folder, interrupt him immediately by asking what he had in mind when he accused you of " being a troublesome member who needed to be dealt with like those arse holes before him ".  

8. Then go through the folder line by line asking him awkward questions at every turn , such as " what exactly does this mean ? "

9. After several hours of putting him through the wringer,  sarcastically remind him that by winning the vote his credentials to do the job were obviously perceived by the majority of the members as being far inferior to your own. Do not however , under any circumstances , allow him to raise the issue of gerrymandering.

10. Announce to this person your plans to remove people from the club who (a) don't toe the line. (b) are out to cause the committee, or any of its officers, heartache and trouble, or (c)  cannot be relied upon to give you, and the committee, their unwavering support. 

11. Ask him if he is willing to wear one of the recently commissioned badges " Bigot Forever ", " Bigot My Hero " or " Bigot The Fuhrer "  as a gesture of  his " no hard feelings ", goodwill, re-directed loyalty and respect. 

12. Remember to use , throughout this long protracted process , exaggerated gestures ,   dramatic and  expressive facial and body language, to send out powerful signals of a person well in control : a chairman who now has absolute power and authority.. Clenched fists and pointed fingers are a must, alongside sneering smiles, penetrating stares, and a body in a constantly leaning forward position ( if only to expose the number " 666 " recently tattooed  onto your shaven head. )