BACK AT THE SLAUGHTER HOUSE BC.......

( Bigot-Johnson had convened an emergency disciplinary hearing to deal with an anonymous letter of complaint about Pellegrina Pantopod ,  regarding an incident where she removed and replaced her false teeth during the play of a hand  )

B-J : As you know , one careless mistake by us and we could be subjected to a costly law suit .  This disciplinary hearing must be carried out in a just and proper way. Therefore , if there are any members here who feel they might have even a suspicion  or hint of bias towards this dreadful woman , then they must declare their personal interest straightaway , with a view to stepping down and abstaining from subsequent discussions and votes. This committee is required in law to be impartial , objective and fair..... at all times..... throughout the whole disciplinary process.....which I might add needs to be done and dusted within the next 15 minutes....

Committee members :   Yes...yes...yes

B-J : Well then....does anyone want to declare a personal interest or prejudice before voting on expulsion begins

Ist CM : Yes I do.....that bitch of a woman continues to bug me just by being in the same room. I hate her picky attitude.....especially when she catches me out cheating.....and her abrasive tongue when she has the cheek to scold me off . In fact just recently I've started to poison her cups of tea brought to her during the evening....

B-J : Thank you for that.....but I've see no problem whatsoever with you voting the right way

2nd CM : Well , I'm afraid I must confess to harbouring an intense dislike for the woman. For years I've tried to organise petitions to have her slung out of the club , but to no bloody avail. Far too many dim witted members couldn't be bothered to sign.....others utterly refused too....despite countless bribes , threats and impassioned pleas. Why...if I had my way I would kick the whole bloody lot of them out in one go....

B-J : Dear ....dear.....please don't get too upset.....you're quite right to feel aggrieved and annoyed by their lack of vision and short-sighted stubbornness......but by jingo... do we need your commitment and level headedness on board to steer the forthcoming discussion and voting down the right path...

3rd CM :  Let me tell you .....that Pellegrina is nothing more than a old wizened bag of puss.......who once  cruelly and with malice aforethought  ran down my cat in her over-priced Rolls Royce . For years I've been planning my revenge......and it's only just recently I've handed over £10,000 to a rather unsavoury man.....with a history of arson and violence....to torch her property and to rough her up a bit...

B-J : Very understandable indeed......for I too believe in biblical justice....but sadly , I feel we could have spared you the money. Nevertheless , I see nothing wrong with you remaining here to cast your vote.....................anyone else ?

4th CM : Hang her....

B-J : An admirable sentiment ...but is that your declaration of personal interest in this matter ?

4th CM : Yes....I am a firm believer in capital punishment
B-J : Any final declarations of personal interest ?

5thCM :  Yes ....but please forgive me.........I'm so sorry.... I must confess to liking and admiring Pellegrina.......she's been god send to my family.....helping me out when I was seriously ill........and loaning my husband £50,000 to keep my his business afloat when the economy was in crisis.....I feel I owe this wonderful lady a real debt of gratitude....

B-J : WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU SAYING !.....Declaring a prejudice like that is both shocking and shameful. There's only one sensible thing you can do.....and that's to clear off.....we can't possible allow deep rooted obscene bias like that to undermine our efforts to see this disciplinary process through to a proper conclusion....and oh yes.....while you're at it I would to have your letter of resignation in by the end of the week....