A BLAST FROM THE PAST : A VERY UNUSUAL DISCIPLINARY HEARING AT THE PORTLAND BRIDGE CLUB ( September 19th 1933 )

Up before the committee was Humpty Dumpty following a complaint from Alice , who was extremely annoyed, and damaged, by one highly misleading and unethical bid. A short extract taken from the hearing's transcript can be seen below.

Chairman ( C ) : Humpty........your young opponent  Alice didn't know what your 2S overcall bid meant....... especially when she had a 6 card spade suit opposite a partner who opened 1NT
Humpty Dumpty ( HD ) : Excuse my contemptuous smile.....but the truth is......of course she didn't......till I told her later on after the hand had been played. I decided to make a bid which would give her something to really think about
C : But in this case your " 2S bid " didn't mean " Partner,  I have a genuine 1NT overall with a five card spade suit 
HD : When I make a bid.......it means just what I want it to mean.......neither more nor less !
C : The question is surely whether you can make a bid mean different things ?
HD : Surely the more relevant question is whether I can invent a bid of my own choosing....... especially when I am a master in the art of deception......that's all ?
C : So what did you mean by that 2 spade bid ?
HD : In this particular instance....that I had exactly two spades......how more accurate can any bid be ?
C : But none of the other three players at the table understood that to be your meaning of this deliberate psych
HD : Well, that is their misfortune....not mine.....and the fact is because that marvellous bid worked out a treat it was glory for me
C : Well excuse me, but I don't know what you mean by " glory "
HD : Ah yes....of course you don't..... because , as I have said before , when I use a word it means just what I want it to mean.......neither more nor less
C : So please me what do you mean by that word ?
HD : A thumping, well deserved , that-really-stuck-it-up-my-opponents' arses, galactic top 
C : You sir are a man of no moral substance.....an empty shell in fact....someone who should be placed on top a very high wall...... and then pushed off !

( Footnote : So yes, it was Humpty Dumpty who first introduced the psych into the world of bridge. However , his success with this devastating bid was short lived when other victim didn't take too kindly " to being had ". She proceeded to give him a severe verbal lashing ,  which he was unable to handle or forget. In fact it rattled poor Humpty's so much that he broke down into pieces there and then. Psychologically damaged , he was taken to the Kings Psychiatric Unit in Bedlam, but all attempts by the men in white to repair his shattered ego were in vain. Although he never played bridge again  his contribution to the world of bridge , and the art of deceptive bidding , lived on forever. )