R v BIGOT-JOHNSON (2018)

( This landmark case involved numerous incidents of criminal damage , carried out in the dead of night by the accused , to the ticket machines and cameras used by private car parking companies . Bigot of course elected to conduct his own defence.)

Counsel for the prosecution (CP): Your Honour.....this man is on a crusade to punish all private car parking companies that have issued him with PCNs for breaching their terms and conditions.
B-J : Where's the evidence ?
CP ; Well, on one occasion a CCTV camera caught Bigot leaving the Excel's roof-top car park in Sheffield carrying what look to be a paint-ball gun. Minutes earlier the camera had been taken out of action with paint squirted onto the lens. One can only conclude that Bigot was the culprit.
B-J : Pure conjecture based on flimsy circumstantial evidence. I'll have you know that it is impossible to recognise anybody wearing a balaclava hat
Judge : How do you know the culprit was wearing a balaclavea hat ?
B-J : Just guessing.......
CP : Moreover .....all the ticket machines had super-fast hardening foam injected into them via the coin slots , which rendered them permanently out of action......plus the fact that all the buttons on the machines had been sprayed with black paint . 
B-J : Now who the hell would do a such thing like that ?
CP :  People like you who bear a real grudge against private car park operators.
B-J : Where's the evidence for that accusation ?
CP : Well......when the police came knocking on the your door you answered it ......with traces of black paint on your clothing .....and there...... in the hallway inside a bag was a half-used can of spray foam nestling alongside a paint-ball gun and a balaclava hat
B-J : Co-incidence upon co-incidence.
CP : Ah....... but the real give-away was a map flagging up several of the city's car-park locations with dates designated for when the attacks were to take place, The date  and time marked out for the roof-top car park co-incided exactly with reported date and time of the incident. Indeed , all these listed car-parks had  over the years issued you with dozens of PCNs
B-J : Yes .....but thousands of other unfortunate and angry motorists like me could also qualify as potential suspects 
Judge : Might I add that all this circumstantial evidence does seem to be stacking up against you Bigot
B-J : Too true......but the jury thank God will need the prosecution to prove that I am guilty beyond all reasonable doubt.....and circumstantial evidence alone cannot do that
Judge : I agree with you entirely.....and I shall therefore direct the jury to find you not guilty.
B-J : Thank you ....thank you.....and oh....  by the way..... are there any car park operators you would like to see pay the price for extorting money from innocent motorists ?
Judge : Well ......leave that one with me....... and I'll contact you later......