YET ONE MORE NEARLY TRUE BRIDGE STORY..... ( As told to Bridgemeister Gibson ) 

In a bold attempt to model itself on the Benign Bridge Club USA , one enterprising club in Britain decided to ally itself to the local church in order to clean up its act. Members were asked to embrace the faith and engage in prayer before sitting down at the bridge table.
Each and every week before the start of duplicate play , a prayer would be recited by all as part of an indoctrination process to rid them of " anti-social " attitudes and behavioural traits.
As a visitor ( I'm buggered if I'm ever going there again ) I was required to participate in the following communal prayer :

Dear Lord ,
I am so anxious
My mind is full of worry and fear
Please be with me
Calm me down , and
Help me to trust that
You will take care 
Of my mental welfare
By reminding partner
To respect the club's 
Zero Tolerance Policy Rules
Through Jesus Christ Our Lord
Amen

The evening's bridge was indeed played in an emotion-suppressed vacuum , where silence and pious protocol were in ascendancy. I almost choked on death on it.