WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES THIS BEAUTIFUL GAME OF BRIDGE SO UNAPPEALING ?............... ( Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber's poem offers one possible answer )

I go to my club
And who do I see
Off putting players
As mean as can be
Those who sneer
Those who peer
Those who moan
Those who groan
The big-headed
The pig-headed
The reckless
The feckless
Those who bleat
Those who cheat
Those who lurk
Those who smirk
The officious
The malicious
The moody
The broody
Those who ponder
Those who squander
Those who brag
Those who nag
The elitist
The defeatist
The humpy
The grumpy


Such a great shame
They spoil this game

BRIDGE BOOKS WHICH PUN RECKONS ARE ABSOLUTE CRACKERS...........

• If He Makes This Slam The Match Is Lost.........................O. P. Fayles
• That Gift Of A Top Handed Us The Trophy.........................Evan Scent
• Yes I Admit That Every Seat I Vacate Is Always Wet..........I. P. Hallot
• I Can't Stand The Way He Looks At My Lady Partner........C. D. Auldman
• Many Bridge Players Cheat To A Lesser Extent..................Eve N. Mee 
• That Was The Only Decent Thing Our Ex-chairman Did....Stan Downe 
• We Need To Rid This Club Of Cheats Permanantly............Ann Mia Gunn
• He's Always Peeking At The Opponents' Cards................. B. D. Hyde
• You Need To Shout Out Loud To Call Over A Director .......Jess Holler
• If He Claims To Have Won Trophies Then He's Lying.........Fuller Bluster
• There's Something He Likes Doing More Than Bridge.......Roger Ringbuoys
• Anyone Guilty Of Cheating Deserves A Good Whipping.... A. T. Lashes

THE NORTHERN PRO TELLS HIS PARTNER THE HUGELY SIGNIFICANT FERTS PRINCIPLE BEHIND HIS INCREDIBLY BRILLIANT BIDDING SYSTEM......

WHEN IT COMES TO PLAYING CARDS AND MAKING LOVE......BIGOT IS ALWAYS IN A RUSH