Friday, 15 June 2018


GOTCHA PARKING SERVICES v. BIGOT-JOHNSON (2018)

Another day. Another wretched money grabbing private parking company. Another PCN.
And another day in court for the intrepid Bigot-Johnson who was prepared yet again to humiliate these corporate arseholes for all the world to laugh at and smile.

Counsel for the plaintiff: Your honour.......it is an undisputed fact that Bigot parked his 2 seater car without paying for a ticket. This type of criminal behaviour needs to be stamped out immediately using the full force of the law to do so. How else can my client earnan honest living.....a crust to feed his family? There was a total failure of consideration which in my mind justifies the imposition of a £100 fine. How else can this mischief be stopped ? If my client loses this case..... all bloody motorists will be at it in their tiny little cars.... 
Judge : Is this true Bigot......... that you deliberately chose not to pay ?
B-J : Yes.......but why should I ?.......you see my wife and I have identical cars and on that particular day I followed her into the car park where it became apparent we could both park our vehicles within the same bay. So my wife purchased a 3 hour ticket for a single bay, which easily accommodated both our cars.
CP : Hold on.......that can't be right ?
B-J : Well......nothing on the signage says that this space saving manouevre wasn't an option. A bay was paid for in full.... so therefore the company can't complain of any loss of income.
CP : No.....it has to be one ticket per car...
B-J : I'm afraid that is not the case.....it's one ticket per bay......and until you change your signage we shall continue to double up so to speak
Judge : Yes.....small is beautiful without a doubt  and  I must say how much I admire your cheek and creative thinking. Case dismissed.
  

Saturday, 9 June 2018

          EXCEL AT SCAMMING v. BIGOT-JOHNSON (2018)

Bigot was livid when Excel had decided to narrow the bays in order to squeeze in more parking spaces. By doing so the company was encouraging motorists to park outside the lines or risk being unable to open the car doors fully.  But Bigot had other ideas. Once parked up ,  he enlisted the help of other sympathetic motorists to heave the car over onto its side This way the car was well inside the designated parking area, but Excel were having none of it. They issued Bigot with a PCN for parking a vehicle in an illegal fashion,  not in accordance with its rules. As expected the dispute went to court. 

Counsel for the plaintiff :  Your Honour......
as you can see from the photographic
evidence......Bigot had parked his car in
an improper fashion , contrary to the terms
and conditions ....all of which were clearly displayed on the company's giant noticeboard sited right beside the ticket machine. The man is a nuisance and a 
bloody menace.....
B-J : I strongly object to the use of the word "bloody"......it's an unwarranted expletive ...a term which should not be used in a court of law
Judge : I agree.......but you're happy with the two labels " nuisance " and " menace "
B-J :  Yes indeed....the fact that the company sees me in this way is truly wonderful......but nowhere in the signage does it say that vehicles have to be parked up on four wheels. The use of the "word " improper implies many things but not when a car is parked in such a way as to give motorists , who might park in either of the adjoining bays, the maximum space possible to enable all 4 doors to open fully........so they can exit and re-enter their cars in an easy and comfortable way.
Judge : I admire your altruistic attitude and the sacrifice you have gone to to provide a more pleasurable parking experience for the users of this site. I myself drive a Hummer .....which I might add is a bummer of a vehicle to park ........even in sites which provide generous spaces. Deliberately narrowing the bays smacks of selfishness and vindictive greed. Case dismissed.......claimant to pay all costs
CP : I protest.....Execl's boss is going to have my guts for garters
Judge : Oh dear..........but that's life when you choose to represent and work for intolerant , unsympathetic and nasty organisations like private oparking companies.  Good day to you sir. And Bigot.....how about meeting up with me  ( and Sir Greg Knight ) for a pub lunch and pint at the usual watering hole ? It's my turn to pay.
B-J : Yes.....looking forward to it.......see you both soon



                 








                                        

Monday, 4 June 2018

THE GREAT PCN RACKET : FAT  CAT EXECUTIVES REVEAL THE  SHOCKING TRUTH IN A MOST ASTONISHING PHONE CALL CONFESSION 

- Hi Simon.....how's things ? Still making shit loads of money ?
- Oh yes........motorists in general are like lambs to the slaughter. The great majority 
  fall victims to all our well conceived scams.......paying the fines without a whimper
- The numpties 
-  Yeah   but  we still get the few stubborn ones who refuse to roll over ......quite prepared to
   fight us all the way
- Then nerve of these people........depriving us of " fines " which help pay for the bread on
   our table......along with the luxury yachts for us to enjoy extended mediterranean holidays 
- Too true....so our only course of action is to take these buggers to court come what
   may.....just to make them quirm and suffer throughout the long protracted process
-  Absolutely.....but doesn't it piss you off that these unwavering sods often win their
   cases in court ?  It makes me wonder why we bother with these arseholes ?
-  Off course we bother. I don't give a damn about these unfortunate outcomes. The fact of
   the matter is that county court judgements are not binding and never will be. So we 
   can keep hammering away until we find a judge who hates motorists more than us. What 
   really matters is that we must never give up on harassing , intimidating and threatening 
   these toe-rags,    What is a few thousand down the pan in relation to the hundreds 
   of thousands we rake in from the compliant majority. This great and monstrous bluff must 
   be kept in place....... and taking non-payers to court does just that. Motorists  need to
   know.......at all times.... that we will never give up on demanding our pound of flesh 
-  I agree..... we cannot afford to throw our hand in.....and expose the bluff. God forbid such
   an insane act. We have the financial clout to hire the best lawyers and take cases to any
   appeal court and beyond. Look what happened to Beavis.....when good lawyers were on
   the case 
-  Yeah......Parking Eye shafted him good and proper ......charging him £85 for over-staying
    in a car park which offered its customers  2-3 hours of free parking......bloody amazing
-  Yes.....what a racket we're in.....especially when one considers that most motorists 
    understay.....which more than compensates for the isolated incidence of an over-stay.  No
    negative impact there as regards the so-called traffic space maximisation objective
-   Well got to go now.......thousands more PCNs to send out these week.....so I need to
    recruit more staff today
-   Bye now.....I'm off shopping for another top-of-the range Merc to add to my collection
-   Good luck with that SImon....bye
    .