Friday, 30 March 2018

                                                                                                                                                     EXCEL AT SCAMMING v. BIGOT -JOHNSON (2018)

Low level car park. Heavy thunderstorms. Exit impassable. Cars stuck. Overstay PCNs issued in the hundreds. Bigot adamant he wasn't going to pay.  Yet another day in court.

Counsel for the plaintiff : Your Honour...this man....Excel's nemisis.....overstayed his 2 hour parking ticket by 27 hours and 14 minutes. His provocative behaviour and blatant defiance justifies the parking charge the company imposed upon him. Motorists like him cannot be allowed to flaunt the rules and repeatedly breach parking terms and conditions.
B-J : Allow me to point out I had returned to my car........well within the 2 hours ......only to find the car park flooded......and the exit area under 4 foot of water
CP : Come on.....get real......they was a heavy thunderstorm that day.....a few inches of water......nothing that a car couldn't overcome. You and hundreds of other drivers decided against returning to your cars because you didn't want to get your shoes wet. I have photographic evidence here .....your Honour.....that shows the depth of water in the car park barely reaching the wheel trims
B-J : It was a deluge.....the situation was getting worse by the minute....
CP :  The ticket clearly stated you  were to exit the car park by 3.13pm.....which you didn't
B-J : But the site has ceased to be car was a bloody big pond.......the terms and conditions don't apply to a pond
CP :  Don't be was still a car park albeit one under a few inches of water
B-J : But the photo shows ducks happpily swimming ........indeed the flooding was a direct result of the nearby river overflowing its banks......why I even saw one motorist sitting on top of his car catching fish with his nearly purchased rod......the whole place was awash with pond life......the site had become .....on that fateful day......part of the river
Judge : I've heard enough.....this subsequent and unforeseen event had clearly made it impossible for Bigot.....and hundreds of others to fulfil their contractual obligations. In other words the contracts were frustrated by the physical impossibility of getting to and driving their cars way. Case dismissed.....and what's more....... drivers who had ben bullied into paying these £100 parking charges  must be immediately reimbursed 
CP : My client is going to ape-shit when I inform him of this ruling
B-J : That's music to my ears.........
Judge : And mine too...

Wednesday, 28 March 2018


Decent honest private car parking companies operate a sensible, fair and just system to the benefit of all motorists. There is an entry barrier by which a ticket is acquired to gain access. No need of any requirement to enter vehicle plate registration details.  There is no looking around for an available parking bay because when the car park is full the entry barrier cannot be activated.
Moreover , the motorist does not have to predict what number of hours he needs to purchase. Predictions are real profit generators for the company : either they are over generous which inevitable leads to overpayment , or they are under-estimates leading to overstays and nasty savage PCNs. Motorists are therefore on a hiding to nothing. 
In respectable car parks , the motorist only has to pay for the actual time of his/her stay , by entering his ticket on his/her return into a machine which then calculates the tariff, takes the money and validates the ticket to activate the exit barrier. Beautiful , fair and involving no loss to both parties.
Why this barrier system is not adopted by the parking pirates is obvious. The potential loss of revenue from saving the motorist from over-payments, overstays and miskeying in car registration details is huge. This customer-focussed system does not generate sufficient profits. Motorists are error prone and this human condition needs to be exploited , Forcing them into into making bad or wild predictions , and careless mistakes when keying in car registratiuon details ,  is a what their evil business model is all about.
Ticket systems need to be simple and fair , having the customers' interests in mind.  They should not be designed to exploit the motorist out of their unsatiable greed for profit. Rogue parking firms are nothing more than vindictive , ruthless, money-grabbing bastards , which I hope and pray will be brought to task when new parking law legislation comes into force.
In the meantime , my advice is to overpay rather than overstay. Take great care when keying in those seven characters. Challenge each and every PCN where injustice can be established, and if feel you were in the wrong..... only pay a reasonable sum , which clearly equates to the actual loss the company could legitimately claim. 

Tuesday, 27 March 2018

                 PARKING NOTICE

 A modern progressive private parking company have 
 taken up the option of £30,000 per annum rent on a 25 
 year lease to convert and use this scrubby piece of land
 into a 100 bay parking lot. And boy do we at Nightmare Parking Services intend to get our money back PLUS MORE.

 A parking tariff of just £1 an hour will earn us in a 
 typical 10 hour day ( 50% occupancy) around £500 ,
 and over the year well in excess of £180,000. Happy 
 days indeed.

 But the best bit is with minimum outlay and overheads 
 we can install 
  •   big brother camera surveillance
  •   difficult to use ticket machines  
to boost our earnings considerably , from simply issuing our customers with nasty PCNs. These bogus fines are expected to represent a mouth-watering 75% of our total revenue. Unbelievable isn't ? And it's all down to you motorists being error-prone , dumb and stupid.  

Looking forward to emptying your wallets

Monday, 26 March 2018

Parking Outside Bays  
                                                                                     NIGHTMARE PARKING SERVICES v. BIGOT-JOHNSON (2018)

Bigot has just bought himself a new very expensive top-of-the-range car.  This was his pride and joy. However he had to spend well over £4000 on an urgent respray , following an earlier visit to the site , when the car had got badly scratched. This time he was determined not to suffer the same fate. The solution was simple : take up 4 parking spaces. Not surprising surveillance photos captured this alleged violation and so came the inevitable PCN. 

Counsel for the plaintiff  (CP) : Your honour.....I have photographic evidence here of this outrageous bit of parking. Four bays this selfish man used up.....severely limiting the opportunities for other motorists to park up. Behaviour like this needs to be client has every right to issue Bigot with this £100 PCN .....and justice demands that the money should be paid
B-J : Hold on here......just look at the photo .....the bays are no narrow it is impossible when the car park is full to open any door without banging it into the vehicle next to yours . 
CP : Look at the size of this man your Honour.......he's far too fat to slide in and out of a parked car. These bays are wide enough to cater for people of normal height and weight
B-J : Well , I have a right to protect my car from criminal and/or accidental damage. The bays are deliberately designed to be small for obvious reasons. Firstly , more bays equal more revenue potential. Narrow bays enable vast sums of money to be made by issuing PCNs for double parking..... a violation which is not always the fault of the driver.
CP : But you used up four bays 
B-J : That's because the bays aren't long enough either. OK for Minis perhaps but not for cars like mine
CP : I'm sorry..... but these excuses wont used up 4 bays.... but only purchased one ticket
B-J:  Ah.... but I paid for all four bays
CP : No you didn't ...... one ticket entiles you to use one bay only 
B-J :  Sorry to correct you here......I believe your AVRC records show I stayed for one hour 
CP :  Yes....that's correct
B-J:  Well , I had a choice .......either I bought 4 one-hour tickets .....or just one 4-hour ticket.
Expediency suggested the either way I used up just 4 hours of bay time ....and  please note...... I paid for that time in full
Judge : How clever of you Bigot......your logic and your maths cannot be questioned.....and as a classic car driver myself I fully recognise and understand your concern over your pride and joy. Judgement it seems must go in favour of the defendant. Case dismissed......
CP : can that be right ?
Judge : Your client was not out of pocket. No loss had been incurred by Bigot's inventive solution to his problem. So why not tell Nightmare Parking Services to provide bigger and safer bays to cater for all motorists .............especially those who have bought shiny new expensive cars......... making sure that cases like this will never crop up again


  • Overpaid by virtue of paying for more hours than they actually needed
  • Overpaid by not having the exact coinage when purchasing a ticket
  • An appalling sense of time having overstayed by just a few minutes
  • An inability to read and/or understand the terms and conditions listed on our notice boards
  •  An inability to key in the correct registration plate details at our ticket machines
  • No backbone or guts whatsoever to challenge PCNs no matter how unjust these demands for money are 
  • Continued to keep revisiting our site knowing full well the risks involved

                                HOPING TO ALL YOU AGAIN VERY SOON


Saturday, 24 March 2018

                                                                                        SMART ARSE PARKING SOLUTIONS v. BIGOT-JOHNSON  (2018)

One important hospital visit . A most unusual parking violation. An unforgiving PCN. But another resounding court success for Bigot.

Counsel for the plaintiff (CP) : co-driver and owner of the vehicle BRN 65 ZTX you violated the parking terms and conditions by blatantly obstructing access to an available the detriment of other motorists seeking to find one. Indeed , we have an aerial photograph of you sprawled out in an unoccupied parking bay. This was taken by one of the many on-site drones........such is the extent and capability of big-brother technology now used in modern day car parking sites 
B-J : I was saving the bay so my daughter ,,,,, who took over the driver's seat...... could at last park up. We entered the hospital car park at 10 am and had been driving around in vain looking to snatch an available space ...,,,but others kept jumping in before us. My wife was in great pain and was in need of urgent and immediate medical attention
CP : client has heard all this clap trap many times before. These sob stories don't cut any ice with Smart Arse Parking Solutions you know 
B-J : Had we not got her to A&E as we did....... she might well have died.......a burst appendix is both serious and life-threatening
CP :'s my client's contention that....if other motorists play by the rules and are able to meet our terms and conditions without difficulty , then why should you be exempt from this transgression
B-J : A life was at stake..... goddamnit
CP : Yes....that may well have been the case.....but our business model relies on targeting types like you who fail to adhere to my client's complex rules and procedures at his facilities
B-J : Your Honour......this company operates an extortion racket the scale of which is growing at an alarming weight. Their current business model  which involves expanding into hospital sites has become an invidious attack on thousands of hospital patients and employees. Not only that .....these car park pirates then intimidate motorists with debt collection firms , who threaten usurious fees in pursuit of highly questionable parking fines.....all backed up with additional threats of court hearings and expensive legal costs. 
CP : LIsten Bigot....there is nothing wrong with my client acting as judge, jury and executioner. It's all stated quite clearly in their parking terms and conditions
Judge : Hold on.....I'm the judge here......and as a believer in natural justice , I believe your client's iniquitous business model is one that offers no justice whatsoever to the motorists that use their site facilities. It is repulsive and repugnant. It stinks infact....and It is on those grounds that I find for the defendant.  The claim is manifestly unreasonable and therefore unenforceable
CP : But what about the Supreme Court ruling in the Beavis case ?
Judge : That case has no relevance to this one , which can easily be distinguished on the facts. Cases like this will always be judged on its merits......and it is the defendant which merits the court's protection from Smart Arse's litany of dirty practices. Case dismissed.

Friday, 23 March 2018


  • The business of issuing PCNs is a monstrous bluff , which requires us to hold our nerve when motorists have the cheek and audacity to challenge them. Being committed and determined to take every case to court helps maintain the impact and effectiveness of the bluff 
  • Chasing up PCNs requires dedicated and devoted staff committed to hitting non-paying motorists with a barrage of intimidationg and threatening letters
  • Transferring PCN debt to an associate debt recovery firm to ratch up the amount of the claim is a highly effective way of persuading many more motorists to throw in the towel
  • Letters from our agents need to maximise the fear factor by including terror-invoking words such as " bailiffs " , " CCJs ",  " loss of credit rating " ,  and  "  substantial legal costs "
  • The business model requires us to play the percentage game in keeping with Pareto's 80:20 rule. This states that 4 out of 5 motorists will pay up immediately , usually out of apathy, ignorance , self-blame and fear 
  • Even motorists who initially resist , 4 out of every 5 will capitulate well before the case goes to court . Of those who are left 4 out of every 5 will lose in court  because  (a) they are unable to prepare a decent defence , and (b) they lack the funds to afford a legally qualified lawyer to represent them  
  • In rare and exceptional circumstances it may be prudent and wise to cancel a PCN or to reduce the charge to £10-20 as a goodwill gesture, in order to avert negative , adverse publicity , and to avoid an inevitable drubbing in court
  • The business needs to stay in line , and toe the line,  with all the others operating in this highly lucrative market. The industry needs to operate as an all powerful oligopoly ensuring the total absence of competition 
  • Out of spite the company will adopt a policy of a shelving an unresolved PCN claim for up to 4-5 years only to spring a court summons on the motorist as a nasty unwelcome surprise , taking full advantage of the six year time limit alowed for civil claims
  • an appropriate percentage of the company's huge profits must sensibly be put aside to finance top-notch barristers to fight high profile cases in the higher courts : the risk involved in losing such cases has to be minimised no matter what the cost  
  • A strong ongoing PR campaign is essential if the company wants to deflect the public's anger and outrage over the dirty practices which may well come to their attention: donations to hospitals and well known charities need to well publicised in the press to gain widespread approval   

Thursday, 22 March 2018


Private parking companies operate in a moral vacuum. This is evidenced by their highly unethical business model , the key elements of which are listed below :

  • Our true mission statement needs to be kept under wraps. No one must know that it contains two primary objectives :  namely " customer exploitation " and " legitimate fraud " 
  • A PCN must be perceived by gullible motorists as a statutory " fine " : motorists must be kept ignorant of the fact that a PCN is nothing more than a speculative invoice or a claim for liquidated damages  
  • PCNs must have no bearing whatsoever with being genuine pre-estimates of loss : their one clear aim is to return an 80% profit from receipts in keeping with Pareto's recommended ratio
  • Sites must be set up like " honey traps " , inviting motorists in at their peril 
  • The irresistible lure of much sought after parking spaces creates a captive market . one to be fully and ruthlessly exploited
  • Motorists must never be viewed as " customers " : they are simply a means by which the company can make easy money 
  • It matters not that the pretext on which a PCN will be issued is trifling or absurd : what matters most is that the pretext is inventive or imaginative
  • The greater the number of contractual obligations imposed on the motorist the greater the likelihood of catching them out
  • All contractual terms and conditions imposed on the motorists must of course be strictly adhered to by them : no exceptions or excuses permitted
  • All manner of obstacles must be put in the way of motorists at every turn , if only to ensure a contractual breach becomes a regular and repeated occurance. These obstacles might well include :
                                 1. lack or absence of signage
                                 2. use of misleading and/or ambiguous words
                                 3. unreadable small print
                                 4. ticket machines that don't work properly
                                 5. restricted width of parking bays
                                 6. unclear parking bay boundaries

  • Overstays represent the best source of PCN revenue to the business , since motorists find it impossible to predict their intended length of stay. Therefore payment for tickets on leaving the site with ticket-operated exit barriers are a complete no-no

Wednesday, 21 March 2018


- I take it you're the chief executive of this highly lucrative business
- Indeed I am....and an extremely well paid one at that
- So tell are things going at present ?
- Up and down ?
- What's on the "up" then ?
- The number of PCNs we issue every see they now run into thousands
- And the " down "
- Oh....that's the number of cases we win in the courts 
-  Why's that ?
-  Well ...our business model works on a complete bluff.......but when savvy motorists call 
   our bluff the company still needs to take the dispute all the way . because if the word gets
   out that we throw in the towel many more motorists will refuse to cough up.  Thankfully,
   the majority of motorists don't want the hassle and agree to pay  ....such is their fragile 
   state of mind
-  But don't you feel for motorists who.... for instance.... are asked to pay a parking charge of
   £100 having already paid the money for a ticket
-  No....these numpties probably broke the rules regarding data entry regarding their car 
   registrations..... or failed to display their tickets properly
-  So you're happy to treat motorists like shit
-   And why not......if they made mistakes they need to be punished
-   Then I assume these parking charges are really about punishment ?
-   No.....our primary goal is all about making huge profits
-   By ruthlessly punishing motorists in the process ?
-   Yes..... it's a double whammy effect
-   But you're a motorist yourself aren't you ?
-   Yes....but not one who breaks the rules
-   But what if you.. inadvertantly.... did incur a PCN from another parking company ?
-   Well , I would sort it out with a quick phone call . In this industry all the companies 
    work together as one big happy family, looking after each other's interests
-   Honour amongst thieves ?
- could say that........but in reality it's all about privilege , mutual back scratching 
    and doing one another favours.  In business... oligopolies work a treat. We don't compete
    against each other. We adopt the same business model......we impose the same fixed 
    extremely high parking charges , along with a ruthless, unforgiving attitude towards 
    whinging motorists , who constantly bleat out pathetic excuses expecting to be let off.
  . Moreover , we apply the same terms and conditions to ensure consistency and certainty 
    in our dealings with those we see as a soft touch
-   I'm appalled at what I'm hearing
-   Do I give a fuck about what you and your readers may think about me. One develops an
    extremely thick skin when wallowing in vast sums of money I pay you can
    sod off now....... and let me revel in spending my ill-gotten gains


Sunday, 18 March 2018


With so many private car parks operating AVPR systems there is no opportunity for the motorists to question , query, challenge or amend the terms and conditions imposed upon them. This form of automated contracting enables these mercenary companies the to exploit their unfettered bargaining power to the full. The severe bargaining inequality that currently exists has of course been relentlessly abused , so much so the whole situation has become increasingly inconscionable. Motorists have been screwed in their tens of thousand again and again.
In the USA these imposed agreements are known as Contracts of Adhesion. Motorists are stuck with them. They must accept their terms and conditions if they wish to park there. With street parking spaces not available as an option , motorists have no choice but to park in the one and only site available. In such circumstances the weaker party finds him /herself with Hobson's choice , which is having no choice at all. So how do the private parking companies go about abusing their extreme bargaining power to such unforgiving extremes ?
  • dressing up the PCNs to look like proper fines ( suggesting criminal liability )
  • never coming clean about the fact that a PCN is either a speculative invoice and/or claim for liquuidated damages 
  • parking charges are never about recovery of actual losses cause by alleged breaches; they are purely penal and punitive in nature designed to earn the these money grabbing companies vast profits
  • every dirty trick imaginable is repeatedly put into practice to snare and entrap unsuspecting motorists into making mistakes , by which breach of contract is then alleged 
  • PCNs are issued even though the alleged/technical breach causes no  actual loss whatsoever to the company
  • no matter how serious or petty the alleged breach is  , the same excessively high fixed sum parking charge is applied
  • in cases where a there is 5 minute overstay as opposed to a 5 hour overstay the parking charge does not reflect the fact that one motorist is far less guilty than the other
  • even when motorists are faced with the this take-it-or-leave-it choice , only to choose the latter , they will still receive a PCN having entered and left the car park without paying any tariff
  • parking companies know full well that the motorist hasn't the will or the financial muscle to challenge an illegal PCN in court , and so it is easy for them to bully the motorist into paying up 
  • even when County Court judgements go in favour of motorists these evil companies will still continue to issue the same kind of PCNs , knowing that these court decisions do not set binding precedents
  • no excuses or mitigating circumstances are accepted , even when the motorist has a genuine , honest and innocent reason for his/her transgression
  • cancellation of a PCN is an absolute no-no 
  • appeals can only be made to non-independant bodies , who are closely associated with or in cahoots with the private parking companies 
  • difficult questions and/or requests for further information by motorists contesting PCNs have and always will be be completely ignored

Indeed , despite all the worthy aims of consumer law and safe-guarded princilples of contract law , private parking companies ride roughshod over hard-pressed motorists. Corporate power in this despicable industry has crushed the opportunity for the individual to negotiate fairer terms. Why the law has not recognised the need for "unconscionability " to be a complete defence beggars belief. Certain terms should by rights be declared void in order to bring about a fairer balance of bargaining power. Motorists if asked whether their assent is willingly given , the answer would be a resounding " no". They are always hit by the unfair surprise of a £100 parking charge when the breach has caused no actual loss to the company. They are often astounded by the lack of notice , or the number of important terms which are deliberately misleading...... or which so often appear in small print.                Motorists should be entitled by law to enter privately managed car parks with reasonable expectations , but what should these be ? Well , firstly not to have the parking rules applied in the strictest way. There will always be circumstances which warrant a far more lenient approach , especially when the transgressions involve minor or innocent mistakes ,  made by motorists who are genuine and honest. When a person receives a £100 parking charge in circumstances which seem grossly unfair , it comes as a shock to one's conscience. It 's perceived as unjust.......and rightly so.
Moreover , it is totally wrong for motorists to have to wait for... and fight for..... justice in the courts. Private parking companies  should from the outset treat customers with goodwill, consideration and respect. But hey....that would be like asking the Devil Incarnate to adopt Christian and altruistic values. Fat bloody chance ! 

So welcome to the hellish and nightmarish world of private parking companies. 

Thursday, 15 March 2018


Another post delivery. Another letter . Another PCN . Another "  Why don't you stick this PCN right up where the sun don't shine " reply. Another court case. Another chance for Bigot to do what he does best. 

Council for the plaintiff :  This reprobate Bigot-Johnson entered my client's car park and then left after 50 minutes ......but true to form he failed to purchase a ticket . Non payment in my book equates to theft : receiving the benefit of being able to park a car but then opting to do a runner. It's time for Bigot to face the full force of the law and pay the PCN in full plus all our costs for bringing this dispute to court.
B-J :  The £100 charge can only apply if I had parked my car in one of the bays.....however this proved impossible because the car park was full. I spent the whole 50 minutes driving around looking for an available parking space but to no avail. So I gave up and left the site.
C-J : Your Honour.......this is a monstrous lie. No one drives around a car park for that long.
B-J : Well I did..........since I'm not one for giving up 
C-J :  It's obvious he must have parked up . Our records show other cars entering not long after Bigot did and they had no difficulty parking up and purchasing tickets.
B-J : Yes , all these bastards kept sneaking in and beating me to the few spaces which suddenly became available.  On two occasions drivers actually crashed into me to get their noses infront. Not surprisingly.... fierce verbal altercations followed , whereupon I felt compelled to get out of my car and throw a massive tantrum. 
CP :  Your Honour......just listen to the man. He's a maniac..... and a thief
Judge : But can you prove he actually parked his car in one of the bays ?
CP : No........but he must have........ given the time he was there. Anyway ,  the terms and conditions stipulate that a ticket must be purchased within 20 minutes of entering the site. A requirement that cannot be ignored.
B-J :  Well , I couldn't see the point of leaving the car park only to re-enter the site to try again
Judge : That's makes good sense
CP : But surely on the balance of probabilities he must have parked up ?
B-J : Your Honour.....I have brought with me to court the two drivers I threw a wobbly at to vouch on my behalf that I was actively looking for a parking bay  . They were more than happy to do so since they hate private parking companies more than they do me....... especially after picking up PCNs from this scumbag of a company..... for not correctly displaying their tickets on the dashboard. 
Judge : Well, it seems to me were telling the truth. Therefore I cannot see that a charge for driving around a car park in any way can be a genuine pre-estimate of loss , as opposed to actual parking. Since no parking space was used , Smart Arse Parking Solutions cannot prove they incurred any actual loss of income. Case dismissed.

Tuesday, 13 March 2018

                                                                                      EXCEL AT SCAMMING v. BIGOT-JOHNSON (2018)

Bigot was on a crusade. He wanted Excel to drag him back into court simply to humiliate the company yet again , and expose their fraudulent practices to the world at large , such was his fervent desire to pursue justice for all motorists. This time he decided to purchase an orange ticket , despite having parked up in a blue bay. Inevitably he received the PCN demanding £100 for this gross violation of the company's latest addition to its parking terms and conditions.

Counsel for the plaintiff (CP ) : This time Bigot... Excel has got you by the short and curlies.... 
B-J : In your dreams......
CP : You failed to purchase a blue ticket which was necessary for parking up in the blue zone ? An orange ticket only entitles you to park up in one of the orange bays. 
B-J :  This scam is a complete con.....all Excel needs to know was that a ticket was bought for the correct money .....all this orange and blue nonsense is yet  another requirement solely designed to entrap motorists.... and in particular colour blind ones...... into making mistakes........ given the fact there were 24 colour zones each requiring the purchase of a ticket at a particular designated machine.    
CP : But you broke one of the contractual conditions, the moment your money entered the coin slot
B-J : An irrelevant transgression ......
CP : This was a grave and serious violation which puts the staff on site to a great deal of trouble and inconvenience having to register the hundreds of cars  which have parked up incorrectly
B- J : But does it matter where a car has chosen to park up ? I think not. This is a pointless term and condition which no decent private parking company would ever consider introducing ....let alone enforce 
CP True......but Excel have a right to intoduce whatever terms it likes.......especially those which will boost the number of PCNs issued each and every week ........Moreover the company has a right not to act in a sympathetic and lenient way be an out-and-out stickler for the rules
B-J : You mean.... the right to go about the illegal business of ruthlessly extorting money from innocent unsuspecting motorists .........whose transgessions cause no loss of income whatsoever to the company
CP : Yes could put it that way........
B-J : Well , demanding  £100.....using threats and intimidation......amounts to fraud.  Firstly , each colour specific ticket machine should be conveniently sited as opposed to being miles away from where it should be. Secondly , Excel clearly set out make its greens and blues almost indistinguishable from each other ......also its yellows and well as making it almost impossible to distinguish its pinks from purples. 
CP : Colour charts were displayed all over the site along with detailed maps of the car park..... each colour zone was clearly marked out along with the exact location of the particular ticket machine that had to be used 
B-J : But all the small print was unreadable......and making correct colour identification was virtually impossible 
CP : Such excuses don't cut any ice with Excel....motorists ought to carry magnifying glasses on their person..... and concentrate harder on what they are meant to be doing........if they lack map reading skills that's not Excel's fault 
Judge : I'm shocked and appalled by this utter nonsense  ......for Excel to argue that charging a motorist   ( who has paid the correct fair ) an additional £100 is completely unjustified .... it all beggars belief. Therefore this £100 parking charge is without doubt wicked and demand such money in these circumstances is tantamount to a fraud. Case dismissed
CP :  But my client needs £20 to cover the costs of manning the car park and issuing the PCN
Judge : Then perhaps the claim for damages should have reflected this much smaller sum  and not be set at extortionate level of £100.  So just tell your client I have no time or sympathy for his greedy, money grabbing , thieving , racketeering operations...... indeed Excel's business model is one that the devil himself would been proud please leave the courtroom..........and let me get on with giving Smart Arse Parking Services their comeuppence...... since their case is next on my hit list

Monday, 12 March 2018


Cowboy parking companies by any notion of justice ought to be prosecuted under the 2006 Fraud Act . These highway robbers commit contrary ss 1 (2) (a)  and 2 in that they falsely claim they are entitled to tenfold the actual losses resulting by an alleged breach of their terms and conditions. Not only do they falsely represent this crucial fact , which in most instances involves no loss whatsoever, they also use misleading and deceptive practices to intimidate motorists into paying.... what they are led to believe are... fines. The PCN's are deliberately set out to mimic those issued by local uuathorities in order to hoodwink the motorists into believing that they are genuine fines , which under criminal law have to be paid.  Moreover,  private parking companies not only commit fraud , but their actions also border on theft , in that money is obtained by deception and/or menaces and threats. 
Why this dirty practice has been allowed to continue for so long beggarslief. Perhaps previous governments have a dislike for motorists , happy to turn a blind eye to how this corrupt unregulated industry operates. But one thing is certain : the DVLA on behalf of the government pockets milions (£)  given the vast number of requests made by these fraudsters to obtain the personal details of motorists'  names and addresses. With each request costing £2.50 really big money is involved,  and the DVLA seems complicit in their illegal shananegans. Perhaps the motto of never bite the hand that feeds you is one which the government has seemingly taken on board.
A PCN is without a doubt a " lie ". It is not a notice or a parking charge. It is in most instances a speculative invoice. In other cases it is a claim for damages resulting from an alleged breach of contract. It is in essence a document that sets out to punish alleged transgressors , whilst generating huge profits at the motorists' expense. A breach of contract is purely a civil matter, not a criminal offence. In situations like over-staying , parking companies should be entitled to recover the lost revenue involved,  plus the small cost of a DVLA enquiry and sending out a claim by post. So why the Supreme Court introduced the notion that a claim can also include a " deterrent element " seemingly contradicts all previous legal precedents on unenforceable penalty clauses , along with a whole raft of important  "protections " found in consumer legislation. This departure from the basic principle of not allowing the injured party to make a profit from a breach of contract only seems justified , when serial long-term overstayers have a profound negative impact on the parking company's traffic space maximisation objective.
Nevertheless, although this authorative precedent has helped the cause of these fraudsters  the essential principles of contract law , alongwith the cardinal protections found in The Unfair Contract Terms Act ,  still remain intact , Thankfully , because cases are often judged on their merits , many will be distinguished on the facts from the appalling precedent laid down by the Supreme Court in Parking Eye v. Beavis. 
What motorists need to be aware of is that private parking companies are in the business of implementing a very persuasive and convincing bluff.   These rogue outfits use or threaten to use the County Court system as a monstrous bluff , with the sole aim to dishonestly milk unsuspecting motorists of their hard earned cash.  Moreover, should a dispute go all the way and end up in court, these companies are simply hoping and praying decisions go in their favour.  Thankfully CC judges have recognised the damages claimed  often go way beyond actual losses incurred , especially in cases which involve motorists paying the correct parking fee but failing to adhere to rules , which lead to no actual loss ever being incurred. 
Sadly , all CC decisions lack binding authority, which means in effect that going to court is like taking part in a lottery.  Of course , these multi-million pound bully boys are very aware of this fact , and have the financial muscle to pursue more and more cases in court to keep this. monstrous bluff alive.  
As yet the law has failed to declare their dirty practices as illegal , although they clearly are.  So despite these fraudsters receiving bloody noses in the past , they relentlessly carry on ignoring these defeats , knowing that they are at liberty to continue their racketeering operations with impunity. 
Motorists , quite understandably , don't want the hassle, stress .misery and expense that goes with challenging these illegal fines. The easy option is to pay up , and to berate themselves for their foolish mistakes and misfortunes. And these parking cowboys rely on such fear , cowardice and apathy to their financial advantage. Motorists in their eyes are like sacrificial lambs to be butchered and slaughtered repeatedly , to be ripped off over and over again. 
The Parking Prankster has attempted to do a job which the government should have done years ago  : and that is to help the small motorists take on the big evil money-grapping goliaths of the parking industry. The man is a true David with a sling in every sense of the word. Now it is time for the government to step in and kill these goliaths for once and for all. Why should a motorist , who is wrongly harrassed for money , and who in reality owes these companies nothing , be obliged to risk his savings by having to stand up alone against them. Surely it is the responsibility of the government to act on the victim's behalf. Thankfully , Sir Greg Knight is one politician who is now willing to take over the baton from the legendary Parking Prankster. ......the original knight in shining armour .


Saturday, 10 March 2018


No one disputes the fact that there are selfish, inconsiderate, cheating motorists who inflict mischief and distress on others , not to mention defrauding car parking companies of their essential ticket revenue. Indeed , these companies provide a valuable service enabling motorists to park up in areas where street parking is very limited or non-existant. And yes , these car parks need to be managed properly , especially in relation to tackling the problem of repeated and/or long-term over-staying , so that free spaces are quickly made available to cater for other motorists hoping to park up.  
Nevertheless , motorists also need to be treated with consideration and respect and to have their custom welcomed and appreciated.. In makes good business sense to build up customer loyality and to have a reputation that encourages motorists to revisted these sites, often to the benefit of the local shops and community. Customers provide an important and lucrative income stream to private parking companies, but one which is clearly not enough. The loss of repeated custom appears to be of no consequence given the vast number of potentially new , unsuspecting customers ready and willing to use their sites.  
The reality of a £100 PCN is that it represents 50 customers in one foul swoop ,  by simply isuing a speculative invoice.  With no further loss of parking bays involved, a motorist therefore can be made to pay for a his/stay 50 times over , because of some dodgy pretext on which to raise a highly suspect PCN.  
I can think of no other business that treats its customer with such distain and contempt. To these companies,  a motorist represents a sacrificial cash cow to be butchered and bled dry. No room for compassion , sympathy and understanding : just relentless intimidation and harassment until they pay up. Using the same business model as loan sharks , firms like Eccel Parking Services and Parking Eye keep increasing the debt and of course the severity of the threats,  until their victims eventually give in. 
Why much needed legislation to curb the dirty practices carried out by rogue parking operators has taken so long in coming is beyond me. The racket has be going on for years without any proper form of regulation and control. The BPA is a joke , along with POPLA. Their priority is to protect the interests of their members , ie. private parking companies , and they do that with great zeal and relish. The fact that a large majority of motorists have been exploited by these dodgy PCNs goes unnoticed and unaddressed. Just a few token appeals are allowed.
These companies have no moral compass , no guiding ethical values to adhere to , no soul and certainly no conscience. Even when a motorist wins in court to establish a precedent that a PCN was wrongly issed , does the company elect to refund the money already raked in from all previous victims of this outrageous scam ?  No bloody chance. In fact these bastards will ignore that ruling in the hope that tomorrow's motorists remain blissfully unaware of it.... and dutifully hand over money for the same scam. 

Welcome to the world of modern day racketeeering. 

Wednesday, 7 March 2018


This recent high profile libel case immediately captured the public's interest and attention , as it involved the plaintiff , namely the chief executive of an infamous private parking company , taking umbrage at one of Bigot-Johnson's blog postings. The defendant had described him as an " evil  " money grabbing bastard who was morally bankrupt , and who epitomised  " the dildo "  that fitted the sphincter ring of the private parking industry ".
The following extract from the trial's transcript covered a critical stage in the proceedings as Bigot was clearly gaining the upper hand.

Counsel for the plaintiff : Bigot ....these comments you made about my client have clearly damaged his good reputation.....possibly beyond repair
Bigot : Evil bastards have no good reputation to protect......such people , like Mr. Clampett , have become infamous over time.... because of their vindictive , mean, evil , dirty practices. 
Hitler was an evil bastard.....and so are all the people who manage cowboy parking companies , the worst of which is Excel At Scamming
CP : My client is a respectable business man who runs a legitimate business trying to manage the traffic flow into and out of his car parks , trying to achieve traffic space maximisation for the benefit of all motorists
B-J : What a load of bollocks. His business model is all about customer exploitation, demanding money with menaces, and persecuting the old and vulnerable in particular , who are too frail and feeble to stand up against highway robbers like him
CP :  In a modern capitalist society you are allowed to make whatever profit you can...
B-J : But not by dirty practices , deception , inciting fear and blatant intimidation
Judge :  But what about the comment that described in effect Mr. Clampett as a dildo ?
Can you justify that ?
B-J : Too right I can. The man is a prick....a complete knob.....someone who is only interested in shafting motorists.
Judge : Clearly an appropriate analogy
CP : Objection....we have not established any truth behind these vile andmalicious client has often given money away to good charitable causes
B-J : You mean his passed on a tiny fraction of his ill-gotten gains no doubt in an attempt to earn himself a knighthood....and of course to deflect a mounting tide of criticism so often coming his way
Judge : So Bigot I take it you are not relying on truth as your defence
B-J : Not entirely . Although it could provide a complete and absolute exoneration for my actions, I realise the onus is on me to prove the truth. This could be done but only by  getting statements from the tens of thousands of motorists who have been shafted by this mean, vindictive , evil-minded prick.  No..... my defence relies on honest opinion , which has replaced the phrase fair comment. These views are my honest opinions , all of which have an apparent basis from the shared beliefs within the motoring community.....opinions which all right-thinking, decent, law abiding motorists currently hold
Judge  Yes...I too am a motorist who believes that parking cowbugs are total scumbags
CP : I object...
Judge : Object all you like....... because criticism of Mr. Clampett is a matter of public interest , especially in light of the fact that a newly proposed Parking Bill stems from widespread condemnation of the dirty practivces tossers like your client have been allowed to get away with for far too many years.  
CP : But ...I have many more questions for BIgot to answer
Judge : No further questions fullstop. Case dismissed. There's so such thing as a person of good reputation who operate this appalling racket of extorting money from innocent motorists. All costs to be met by your client .....someone no doubt who is known to his criminal associates as possibly..... Percy... John Thomas...... Dick.......
B-J : ...But more likely Rod or Nobby.......

Tuesday, 6 March 2018


The quest to issue more and more PCNs continues as these rogue outfits look to dream up another raft of parking violations , just simply to increase their already considerable profits. The more scams they can get away with on unsuspecting motorists , who are more than willing to pay than fight, the bigger and better the salaies and bonuses the directors can look forward to.
So here are a few ideas these highway robbers have ( as yet ) overlooked :

Parking a car

  • in a skoo-wiff position
  • that is in need of an urgent clean
  • with the radio still on
  • with its wing mirrors still out
  • that is hideously painted ( an eyesore )
  • for the purposes of sex or any other forms of questionable behaviour
  • with the handbrake not properly on 
  • simply to have a nap
  • with an unattended animal or child left inside
  • that is leaking oil 
  • in any open space or unmarked area 
  • that is unroadworthy   ( eg bald tyres or defective handbrake ) 
  • which lowers the image and up-market reputation of the site 
  • with the lights on
  • in an unsatisfactory and/or dangerous manner causing a nuisance to others
  • with tasteless fluffly dice dangling over the dashboard
  • in a blue bay with a yellow ticket or vice-versa
  • too close to an adjacent car 
  • on a lovely warm day when one should be walking to the shops

Friday, 2 March 2018


A hurriedly convened meeting of the rogue cowboys took place at The Ritz in London as worried executives were now having to face up to the reality of having a multitude of legal restrictions placed upon their highly suspect business activities

That tosser Greg Knight ought to be shot
- Too bloody right......what the hell is he doing intoducing this Parking Bill ? Hasn'y he got
   any feelings for us ? This Bill could put an end to the numerous scams we've getting away
   with for years. 
-  How many scams might be under threat of being scuppered ?
-  About two dozen were mentioned in the debate 
-  About half the number we currently operating at the moment
-  My God this is a disaster
-  Greg reckons this Bill will mark the beginning of the end of these which
   of course he means us
-  The bastard
-  And what's worse he wants the contract motorists enter into with us to be reasonable
-  Ahhhh ......that's awful
-  Ahhhh ......that's obscene 
-  Involving a consistent process,,,, with poor signage, unresonable terms , exorbitant 
   parking charges, aggressive demands for payment....all to be consigned to the past
-  Ahhhh.......what god damn planet is this man on
-  Yes....I too feel your acute pain...... but all is not lost
-  Why's that ?
-  We have a valuable which is in short which is 
    ideally located and desperately sought after by motorists who cannot find enough parking
    spaces on the street . In short we have a captive market which enables us to exploit 
    motorists to the full
-  Yes......I see where you're coming from.......since demand greatly exceeds supply .....we
    can damn well charge what we like
-   Which we certainly will .....say £5 an hour for a starters 
-   And in the event motorists stay away..... screaming shopkeepers will be up in arms and 
    therefore more than happy to subsidise any reduction we then introduce to our parking
    fees ........desperate to see their precious customers return
-   A win-win situation
-   Yes.....because it is a racing cert that this Bill will not include any provisions concerning 
    pricing policies or prescribed tariffs 
-   Praise the Lord for that