MR. CLAMPETT v. BIGOT-JOHNSON (2018)
This recent high profile libel case immediately captured the public's interest and attention , as it involved the plaintiff , namely the chief executive of an infamous private parking company , taking umbrage at one of Bigot-Johnson's blog postings. The defendant had described him as an " evil " money grabbing bastard who was morally bankrupt , and who epitomised " the dildo " that fitted the sphincter ring of the private parking industry ".
The following extract from the trial's transcript covered a critical stage in the proceedings as Bigot was clearly gaining the upper hand.
Counsel for the plaintiff : Bigot ....these comments you made about my client have clearly damaged his good reputation.....possibly beyond repair
Bigot : Evil bastards have no good reputation to protect......such people , like Mr. Clampett , have become infamous over time.... because of their vindictive , mean, evil , dirty practices.
Hitler was an evil bastard.....and so are all the people who manage cowboy parking companies , the worst of which is Excel At Scamming
CP : My client is a respectable business man who runs a legitimate business trying to manage the traffic flow into and out of his car parks , trying to achieve traffic space maximisation for the benefit of all motorists
B-J : What a load of bollocks. His business model is all about customer exploitation, demanding money with menaces, and persecuting the old and vulnerable in particular , who are too frail and feeble to stand up against highway robbers like him
CP : In a modern capitalist society you are allowed to make whatever profit you can...
B-J : But not by dirty practices , deception , inciting fear and blatant intimidation
Judge : But what about the comment that described in effect Mr. Clampett as a dildo ?
Can you justify that ?
B-J : Too right I can. The man is a prick....a complete knob.....someone who is only interested in shafting motorists.
Judge : Clearly an appropriate analogy
CP : Objection....we have not established any truth behind these vile andmalicious comments......my client has often given money away to good charitable causes
B-J : You mean his passed on a tiny fraction of his ill-gotten gains no doubt in an attempt to earn himself a knighthood....and of course to deflect a mounting tide of criticism so often coming his way
Judge : So Bigot I take it you are not relying on truth as your defence
B-J : Not entirely . Although it could provide a complete and absolute exoneration for my actions, I realise the onus is on me to prove the truth. This could be done but only by getting statements from the tens of thousands of motorists who have been shafted by this mean, vindictive , evil-minded prick. No..... my defence relies on honest opinion , which has replaced the phrase fair comment. These views are my honest opinions , all of which have an apparent basis from the shared beliefs within the motoring community.....opinions which all right-thinking, decent, law abiding motorists currently hold
Judge Yes...I too am a motorist who believes that parking cowbugs are total scumbags
CP : I object...
Judge : Object all you like....... because criticism of Mr. Clampett is a matter of public interest , especially in light of the fact that a newly proposed Parking Bill stems from widespread condemnation of the dirty practivces tossers like your client have been allowed to get away with for far too many years.
CP : But ...I have many more questions for BIgot to answer
Judge : No further questions fullstop. Case dismissed. There's so such thing as a person of good reputation who operate this appalling racket of extorting money from innocent motorists. All costs to be met by your client .....someone no doubt who is known to his criminal associates as possibly..... Percy... John Thomas...... Dick.......
B-J : ...But more likely Rod or Nobby.......