Saturday, 24 March 2018


SMART ARSE PARKING SOLUTIONS v. BIGOT-JOHNSON  (2018)

One important hospital visit . A most unusual parking violation. An unforgiving PCN. But another resounding court success for Bigot.

Counsel for the plaintiff (CP) : Bigot......as co-driver and owner of the vehicle BRN 65 ZTX you violated the parking terms and conditions by blatantly obstructing access to an available bay......to the detriment of other motorists seeking to find one. Indeed , we have an aerial photograph of you sprawled out in an unoccupied parking bay. This was taken by one of the many on-site drones........such is the extent and capability of big-brother technology now used in modern day car parking sites 
B-J : I was saving the bay so my daughter ,,,,, who took over the driver's seat...... could at last park up. We entered the hospital car park at 10 am and had been driving around in vain looking to snatch an available space ...,,,but others kept jumping in before us. My wife was in great pain and was in need of urgent and immediate medical attention
CP : Yes....yes.....yes.....my client has heard all this clap trap many times before. These sob stories don't cut any ice with Smart Arse Parking Solutions you know 
B-J : Had we not got her to A&E as we did....... she might well have died.......a burst appendix is both serious and life-threatening
CP :  Well....it's my client's contention that....if other motorists play by the rules and are able to meet our terms and conditions without difficulty , then why should you be exempt from this transgression
B-J : A life was at stake..... goddamnit
CP : Yes....that may well have been the case.....but our business model relies on targeting types like you who fail to adhere to my client's complex rules and procedures at his facilities
B-J : Your Honour......this company operates an extortion racket the scale of which is growing at an alarming weight. Their current business model  which involves expanding into hospital sites has become an invidious attack on thousands of hospital patients and employees. Not only that .....these car park pirates then intimidate motorists with debt collection firms , who threaten usurious fees in pursuit of highly questionable parking fines.....all backed up with additional threats of court hearings and expensive legal costs. 
CP : LIsten Bigot....there is nothing wrong with my client acting as judge, jury and executioner. It's all stated quite clearly in their parking terms and conditions
Judge : Hold on.....I'm the judge here......and as a believer in natural justice , I believe your client's iniquitous business model is one that offers no justice whatsoever to the motorists that use their site facilities. It is repulsive and repugnant. It stinks infact....and It is on those grounds that I find for the defendant.  The claim is manifestly unreasonable and therefore unenforceable
CP : But what about the Supreme Court ruling in the Beavis case ?
Judge : That case has no relevance to this one , which can easily be distinguished on the facts. Cases like this will always be judged on its merits......and it is the defendant which merits the court's protection from Smart Arse's litany of dirty practices. Case dismissed.










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