COMMENTS CLUB COMMITTEE MEMBERS WILL MAKE ABOUT THEMSELVES BUT WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN....( Article by Carp  ) 

We our renowned for our visionary thinking : We spend most of time at committee meetings thinking up imaginative and far-fetched excuses
We enjoy excellent relationships with one another : We're a right bunch of sycophantic creeps
Our chairman is a born leader : A little Hitler
We conduct our affairs with openness and transparency : We operate at all times behind closed doors , ensuring that the only information released to members is either harmless or of no real significance  
We strive to be tactful and diplomatic at all times : We know how to keep our gobs shut 
We believe our duty of confidentiality is sacrosanct : We have shoot-to-kill policy on whistle blowers
We are always willing to take calculated risks : It's only when the members lose out that we don't give a damn  
We seem to be popular with the ordinary members : It's amazing how ignorance equates to bliss  
New committee members have never chosen to rock the boat : They know their place
We have certainly helped turn this place around : This once successful club is now going to the dogs
We are above reproach : We excel at being able to stay one step ahead of our critics
We have the respect of all the members : We've scared the living daylights out of them
We are all blessed with great communication skills : The way we can fob off awkward questions is truly remarkable 
We've made sure that all our members behave impeccably  : We've successfully imposed martial law
We operate in a highly effective way : We use cunning, deception and devious practices to get things done and dusted  ( long before anyone realises what the hell has been going on )
Our honesty is beyond reproach : We cover our tracks exceptionally well