AS A BRIDGE PLAYER YOU KNOW YOU'RE OVER THE HILL WHEN .............

-  you start to wax lyrical about about any score over 50%
-  all kinds of " accidents " occur at your table
-  " grumpy " has become your permanent default mode
-  you get the same sense of excitement from scoring tops that you used to get when
   scoring with women
-  the only reading that turns you on is when a good result appears on the bridgemate display 
   screen
-  the time taken to count your hand works out at five seconds per point
-  you spend 3 minutes on a plan to trap a missing queen only to discover it is in your own hand
-  you've been told that paying subscriptions in advance would be an act of folly on your part
-  bidding has now become the only thing in your life where it's safe to be bold and daring 
-  your knowledge of all the bridge clubs you visit relates solely to the location of the toilets
-  you only put up with the new technology as it's the very thing that is keeping you alive 
-  you are pretty sure bridge has provided " trophy winning celebrations " but can't quite 
   remember whether you were ever involved in them or not 
-  you get worried that the excitement at pulling off a difficult contract might just finish you off
-  seeing out 24 boards without falling asleep becomes the highlight of your life
-  you can't even put a name to your partner's face