If Victor Mollo had chosen birds instead of animals to demonstrate the absurd and peculiar characteristics of bridge players, then the opportunities for lampooning them would be endless.
So let's look at just a few species of well known birds, picking out their special qualities or behavioural traits , many of which we have come to recognise in players we so regularly encounter.
Magpie - only turns out when there's silverware to be won
Crane - stretches out his/her neck to glance at opponents' cards
Gannet - eats up anything that is handed out for free
Puffin - never misses an opportunity for a fag break
Owl - wisdom personified
Eagle - swoops down on unsuspecting prey, usually from a great height
Tit - a below average player
Bluetit - a below average player who gets really down about losing
Crow - likes to boast about his/her achievements, and ridiculing others in the process
Heron - feeds mercilessly on little fish
Albatross - a weak player who becomes a dead weight around his/her partner's neck
Hawk - a predator who selects weaker players to unleash nasty psyches and super-light pre-empts
Peacock - all show and no substance
Lark - always reverts to fooling around when losing
Parrot - only echoes the views and opinions of others
Cuckoo - makes the same irritating noises at each table
Phoenix - a player who rises up from the bottom to a position at the top
Partridge - a soft target for poachers, game hunters and shooters
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