( In this recent High Court case Bigot was doing the suing. The defendants were mainly members of Slaughter House Bridge Club, but in amongst them were so- called family and friends. Bigot was on a 4 week bridge holiday, cruising around the coastline of Canada, when disgruntled passengers and bridge players took it upon themselves to " do him in ". So a cunning plan was hatched. One night as Bigot was strolling along the upper deck, out of the shadows they pounced. Knocking him senseless they threw his limp body over the railings into the freezing Arctic sea. Presumed dead, his club immediately decided to dedicate a special one-off newsletter, to cater for all the obituaries that came flooding in. Then two weeks later, to every one's shock and dismay, Bigot turned up out of the blue . Quick to notice what had been said about him, he was convinced his reputation had been permanently damaged by the defendants' libellous comments . A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below .)
B-J : As you know, I had a miraculous escape. Like the prophet Jonah, I was fortunate enough to fall into the open mouth of a surfacing whale. Although living inside the gut of this whale was an awful experience ..... its interior warmth was far preferable to the freezing grip of the ocean. Resigned to spending my remaining days in total darkness feeding off small dead fish, I suddenly realised the whale was being hoisted out of the water and onto the deck of a fishing vessel. Thankfully, once the fisherman heard my screams for help, they hacked their way into the whale's stomach to find me....... and many other indigestible items.
Judge : Amazing......
B-J : But what a shock I had upon my return to the club, where partying had been going on for 14 days solid. Death may come unexpectedly to most men, but at least they never get to see their own obituaries......and what others really think of them. Well, I bloody well did.....and what I read was far from pretty. Mind you....not that I claim the defendants' comments were deliberately offensive......but they were, to say the least, thoroughly disparaging and uncomplimentary.........and in some instances far removed from the truth.
In particular, I object to the suggestion that my masterpiece of a blog " completely lacks imagination and humour ". I also feel libelled by those who claimed my " self-portrait photograph was so repulsive, it was enough to make them throw up ". Others even had the audacity to say my articles were "scurrilous, vindictive, and the rantings of a deranged homicidal maniac " ....
Counsel for the Defendants (CD) : Yes..yes....but my clients firmly believe ....that in law.... it's impossible to libel someone who is dead, or was believed to be dead at the time they put pen to paper. My clients therefore acted in good faith on the information received about Bigot's death. They only published the newsletter obituaries on the assumption that Bigot would never get to read them.......and that no one else would ever find the content upsetting or distressing.
B-J : Hold on there....I cannot see how my being alive or dead at the time of publication has anything to do with it. A libel is a libel. I have a basic right in law not to be defamed in any way, or have my name and people's memories of me, tarnished by wicked lies.
CD : Your honour....this man is the compulsive liar......a man who will do anything to win publicity and fleece people of their money. This ridiculous story of the whale is nothing more than a preposterous publicity stunt......designed to lull the defendants into a false sense of security.......by coming out into the open and revealing what they thought about this shyster, rogue, bully, and all round nasty piece of work.
Judge : Yes...I too find myself unable to accept the story of the whale, given the manner in which it was told. Moreover, I have read his blog and been so incensed by its puerile content and grotesque vulgarity, I now feel compelled to write an article exposing Bigot as a rotter and a scoundrel. Therefore, I declare there is no case to answer......this trial is at an end.....and all costs to be borne by the plaintiff.
B-J : Bugger.....
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