LAW REPORT  : PANTOPOD v. WALNUT TREE ALLOTMENT SOCIETY BC & BIGOT-JOHNSON ( 2013 )

Lady Prunella Pantopod had sued the bridge club and the co-defendant for substantial damages , having been hit on the head by a weighty flying projectile. This injury caused partial but permanent hearing loss on her left side. The villain in this incident was none other than Bigot-Johnson , who was required to pay 70% of the £200,000 damages award , while the other 30% had to be met by the club. Both defendants appealed , denying liability and arguing contributory negligence due to Prunella's failure to duck. Furthermore , Bigot submitted that if both defendants were liable , then the club should bear a greater proportion of the liability. A short extract from the trial's transcript can be seen below .  

Appeal Judge ( AP ) : Normally...this court would not interfere with the apportionment of damages awarded by the judge at first instance.....but in this case I'm prepared to do just that....
B-J : Praise be The Lord !
AP :  Yes....I am concerned about the correctness of the judge's apportionment , the basis of which he had not explained...
B-J : Yes....Yes...the man was a complete numpty
AP : In my opinion he had not taken into account the significant fact about the warlike practices which certain undesirable members of the club loved to engage in....
B-J : You mean throwing heavy objects at members who get up people's noses
AP : Indeed....for years this club has been blighted by thuggish members such as yourself....but has for far too long turned a blind eye to your outrageous tantrums and vicious attacks. Although the majority of law abiding members remained vigilant and alert at all times , new and inexperienced members were always likely to be caught unawares. Moreover, the risk of such an injury was always that much greater when these poor unsuspecting souls sat down at the table where you were playing. It seems clear to me that the club were fully aware of the potential danger you posed to others , especially when results weren't going your way...
B-J : Yes....yes....yes....that night opponents were turning me over board after board..... I was ticking time bomb ready to explode
AP : The fact that the club took no measures to warn unsuspecting players  was without doubt a significant oversight by them.....and this failing was of a different magnitude from your failing to control your temper
B-J : Absolutely.....I couldn't agree with you more...
AP : So while you , Bigot , such a vile , vulgar and violent man .....the likes I've have never come across before....was clearly in the wrong , the lion's share of the blame should rest with the club
B-J : Too bloody right....
AP :  I would say a revised ratio of about 80 % to  20%.... in your favour.... would be far more appropriate 
B-J : Hold on a mo .......can that 20% be reduced to zero on account of that Prunella's contributory negligence.....the stupid woman didn't even bother to duck
AP : NO .... because she was hit from behind....
B-J : So she was....
AP : And the message for all clubs is clear. If dangerous practices are allowed to continue, then warnings are essential, and that all players need to be made aware of the risks. Therefore, members of the managing committees need to carry out immediate and urgent risk assessments, together with the erection of warning signs, and the issuing of safety helmets. This way the future risks can be minimised..... 
B-J : Hold on a minute...such intrusions might cause members to panic unnecessarily,  or look insanely ridiculous
AP : No more ridiculous than you look wearing that silly mariner's outfit and sporting that grotesque black moustache
B-J : Oh......
AP : And on a final note ....what this case hopes to establish more than anything else is to broadcast the fact that the primary function of all clubs and their committees is to develop policies which sustain the long term future of the club . My decision follows a recent precedent set down in the case of Phee v. Gordon (2013). Clubs should not put at risk the club's future by recklessly disregarding their responsibilities , especially if six-figure claims can be envisaged. This might well result in them not being able to maintain their financial viability, which will in turn lead to their total collapse, or burdening all their members with sizeable liabilities......
B-J : Can we go home now.....you sanctimonious old git.....