THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY REVISITED........

• Tactical bid : a polite name for a nasty , filthy psych
• Optimist : a player who has yet to experience the harsh reality of competitive bridge 
• Advice : unsolicited words of wisdom offered by those who clearly need them the most
• Ability : what is needed to secure your place in the national team unless of course those mega rich sponsors get there first 
• Bridge : a game viewed by the uninitiated as boredom made complicated
• Credit : what most players try to take in post-match discussions , despite the fact it was their partners who pulled off all the successful coups
• Vague bid : one which is , erm , hard to put a finger on on , or define , sort of , well , a rather wishy washy call , one which you might spot when you see it
• Experience : the ability to recognise a mistake when you make it again
• Pushing the opponents : a highly recommended practice should you catch the smug bastards gloating over their success at the top of the stairs
• Flyer : ( a ) a wild , speculative bid,  or (b) a term given to a fast moving airborne bridgemate