REASONS WHY VARIOUS PLAYERS HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM THE BENIGN BC ( USA ) IN RECENT MONTHS....... ( Research by Toxic Ted Bateman )
1. Calling in a rent boy as a " ringer " for the team
2. Listening to loose table talk to notch up an 80 % score , contrary to his status as " being
utterly useless at the game "
3. Losing control of the trump suit , his temper and then his bladder midway through a
prestigious pairs competition
4. Snitching to the ACBL regarding the committee's misuse of club funds with regards to
the costly matter of issuing every member with a 1000 page document on " appropriate
conduct and best behaviour at bridge "
5. Discovering that the " professional " sponsored to make up the team was in fact a call girl
6. Being seen at the bar purchasing an alcoholic drink when claiming to be a devout teetotaller
7. Emphasing the word " niggers " in a very loud voice to the shock and dismay of players in
close proximity ( despite the fact the context of the discussion was a book review of an
Agatha Christie novel )
8. Being unmasked as a 4th generation descendant of the man who first introduced " finger
signalling " to the game of bridge
9. Picking up a bridgemate without the permission of its registered keeper
10. Revealing to members a few hard truths about the committee's behind-the-scene
11. Telling a few " porkies " to members about what the committee might be getting up to
12. Saying nothing at all to anyone, which this overly proud and self-righteous committee
viewed " unresponsive and unhelpful " : behaviour obviously redefined as " conduct
unbecoming of an ordinary member "