THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY REVISITED.......

• Sponsor : someone who quickly realizes that having buckets loads of money gets you many more selection opportunities than having real ability and talent
• Committee room : a place where the buck rarely ever stops
• Errant partner : a player who represents the death of all hope 
• Hog :  ( a ) when partnering such a person you're in for a pig of a time ,  ( b ) a swinishly selfish or bourishly reckless player who insists on being declarer
• Common sense : practical wisdom and understanding ,  an attribute exceedingly uncommon within the bridge playing fraternity 
• Dossier : a record of a player's misconduct in which the content is a mixture of both truth and fiction
• Unbelievable : a word often used by declarer whenever a suit breaks badly for him
• Happiness : a pleasant , hugely satisfying feeling experienced by players when heaping misery upon their hapless opponents
• Expert : someone who tells you a simple thing in a highly complex way
• Sign off : a bid often used by those who have got tired of thinking