LAW REPORT : R v.BIGOT-JOHNSON ( 2013 )

( Once again Bigot-Johnson found himself on the wrong side of the law when he was brought before a Crown Court judge for an offence under The Sexual Offences Act 2003 , namely soliciting. A short extract from the trial's transcript can be seen below. )

Prosecution counsel ( PC ) : Do I take it Bigot that you recently sponsored a top class player...... in a desperate attempt to win a prestigious pairs trophy at the Walnut Allotment Society bridge club 
B-J : Yes....but what is wrong with  that......morally reprehensible may be.....but never a crime
PC : Well , we will let the court rule on that distinction
B-J : But this soliciting charge is utterly preposterous !
PC : Tell me Bigot ....is it to correct to say that you hired the services of this expert player on more than one occasion ?
B-J : Yes
PC : And payment to this gentleman for his services could be equated say to paying rent for the use of a car ?
B-J : I suppose so ...
PC : So you are  happy to say that you paid rent for his services ?
B-J : Yes
PC : And how old is this person ?
B-J : Fifteen....in fact he's the youngest grandmaster in Britain today.....and a junior world champion in the making
PC : But in legal terms he is still a boy ?
B-J : Of course....he's only just started his GCSEs at school
PC : So to put all this in a nut shell you rent the services of a boy
B-J : Yes
PC : For your personal satisfaction and gain ?
B-J : Yes...
PC :  And you solicited the services of this rent boy in a public place
B-J : Yes
Judge : Disgusting !.....I heard enough....I'm going to direct the jury to find you guilty as charged
B-J : Well, I'll be buggered
Judge :  The very same words I noticed... used by the boy in his witness statement