REASONS WHY VARIOUS PLAYERS HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM THE BENIGN BC ( USA ) IN RECENT MONTHS....... ( Research by Toxic Ted Bateman )  

1. Calling in a rent boy as a " ringer " for the team
2. Listening to loose table talk to notch up an 80 % score , contrary to his status as " being
     utterly useless at the game "
3.  Losing control of the trump suit , his temper and then his bladder midway through a 
     prestigious pairs competition
4.  Snitching to the ACBL regarding the committee's misuse of club funds with regards to
     the costly matter of issuing every member with a 1000 page document on " appropriate 
     conduct and best behaviour at bridge " 
5.  Discovering that the " professional " sponsored to make up the team was in fact a call girl
6.  Being seen at the bar purchasing an alcoholic drink when claiming to be a devout teetotaller 
7.  Emphasing the word " niggers " in a very loud voice to the shock and dismay of players in
     close proximity ( despite the fact the context of the discussion was a book review of an
     Agatha Christie novel )
8.  Being unmasked as a 4th generation descendant of the man who first introduced " finger
     signalling " to the game of bridge 
9.  Picking up a bridgemate without the permission of its registered keeper
10. Revealing to members a few hard truths about the committee's behind-the-scene 
      shenanigans 
11. Telling a few " porkies " to members about what the committee might be getting up to
12. Saying nothing at all to anyone, which this overly proud and self-righteous committee  
       viewed " unresponsive and unhelpful " :  behaviour obviously redefined as " conduct
       unbecoming of an ordinary member "