THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY REVISITED.............

Spade : 

1.  The boss suit
2.  A club member of afro-caribbean origion  ( a rare spectacle indeed )
3.  A handy item to have in the boot of your car when wishing to bury the charred remains of your ex-partner before a missing persons report is filed , or an item which is sorely needed when digging up the dirt on club members you have come to dislike 
4.  The surname of a  seedy-looking player you once knew called Sam 

Club :

1. The place where most male members go to escape their wives 
2.  A highly useful item to have on your person when seeking to end an altercation with a troublesome opponent in a robust and triumphant manner 
3. What you are likely to put your female partner in when playing away , perhaps succumbing to temptation and/or premature outbursts
4. An inferior suit which experts like to put to better use by employing a whole raft of artificial bids ( see the prepared club , two-club openers, stayman , gerber , landy )
5. Capable of having magical properties when opened at the one level by the Northern Pro