DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES: VERBOSA NALL DYRITIS: This rather disturbing psychological disorder tends to affect many bridge players who, despite their limited ability, seemingly succumb to overwhelming delusions of grandeur. All too often they portray themselves as "experts" of the game, looking for poor unsuspecting but willing listeners to off-load non-stop explanations on how hands should have been bid and played. Victms of this disorder are easily recognised by their booming lecturing voices, and by their inability to pick up on all the social cues telling them to shut up. Inevitably, most of their analysis is flawed. Indeed, the verbosa label was first coined by Dr. Sigmund T. Schukelgruber, when he overheard a comment about an acute sufferer as someone who " talks through his arse". Most victims display the symptoms of pre-programmed automatons, endlessly spewing out the same bridge rhetoric to each group of listners. Tragically, they fail to see that these listeners do not choose to absorb, or acknowledge as useful, anything they say. All known treatments and therapies have been tried but to no avail. The process of self-delusion is irreversible. However, some enterprising bridge clubs have been prepared to invest in stocks of ear-muffs, made available to any members who wish to escape from... and avoid..... verbosa nall dyritis sufferers.