LAW REPORT :  PEREGRIN PANTOPOD v. BIGOT-JOHNSON AND OTHERS                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Peregrin wasn't taking his life ban from the Slaughter House  lying down. Determined to seek justice he decided to sue for damages for wrongful expulsion, alleging  amongst a whole load of things breach of the club's Constitutional rules, along with breaches of natural justice.  By falling victim to what he described as a kangaroo court set up, Peregrin was in no mood for compromise. Bigot of course elected to take on the role of defence counsel. A short extract from the trial's transcript appears below.

Counsel for the plaintiff (CP) : My client ....Peregrin Pantopod is suing for £10,000 damages for wrongful expulsion from a club where he was a well respected and fully paid up member

B-J : We were right to sling him out.....that man's presence  made a lot of people feel a little jumpy....if not hopping mad

CP : But is it not the case  that you ran this charade of a disciplinary process like a kangaroo court ?

B-J : Absolutely not....

CP : So please explain to the court why all the committee members.......including yourself ........dressed up in kangaroo suits .....as seen in this photo ( exhibit no 3 )

B-J : We were celebrating Australia day......

CP : But what on earth  possessed the committtee members  to address each other with names like Bruce, Joey and Sheila ?

B-J : It was important we maintained our anonymity......... in keeping with our earlier decision to conduct all our sordid business in secret  behind closed doors

CP : But isn't that one of the classic hallmarks of kangaroo court proceedings ?

B-J : How dare you insinuate that kangaroos run corrupt courts .....that amounts to unfair discrimination against these incredibly cute animals

CP : Well, let's look at the way you all sprang into action.... to bounce this expulsion through by jumping straight from a guilty verdict to immediate punishment....... poor Peregrin never got a chance to present his side of the story, to defend himself properly, to challenge the verdict or make a plea for a lesser punishment

B-J : There was no  point ..... my decision to get rid of him had already been made up long before that meeting   .....hells bells ...you don't need to have a trial to find a man guilty of murder, if he was caught standing over a dead body, wafting a bloody knife above his head, shouting " I killed the bastard ".

CP : Ah...but the charge against him  was far from clear cut.........this was one that needed to be proved...

B-J : Well....he made lewd sexual innuendoes about my name in front of two very old, very delicate and extremely prudish ladies..

CP : Or so you claim.....but let's consider the fact that many other committee members also harboured prejudices against poor Peregrin..... all brought along to the meeting  inside their little pouches. One member, I believe,  had made it known to the world at large that he was all for slinging him out ....and that was months before volunteering to head up initial  investigation team  required to look into the complaint against my client

B-J : True.....but prejudice against him was everywhere you cared to look.....

CP : But prejudice on that scale simply adds up to prejudgement......and that is the crux of my client's case where he is alleging bias. It is such a roo-dimentary obsevation to say that the disciplinary process was flawed,  completely lacking in any objectivity and impartiality. Indeed, the life ban itself was an extreme punishment for such a minor incident

B-J : That man ought to be thankful that he wasn't taken outside and shot....

CP : But the final nail in your coffin is that you brought the charge knowing it would carry more weight with the committee who were clearly allied to you from the day they swore an oath of personal allegiance .......Moreover,  to act as prosecutor and judge is a caveat that needs to be avoided at all costs if you were to argue that  real justice took place....as opposed to the mock justice my client received

B-J : You sir are beginning to annoy me.........

Judge : In the same way Bigot, you are beginning to annoy me .....why even my roo-matoid arthritis is starting to play me up .....and so I'll not beat about the bush...... you sir have condemned yourself with flippant remarks and unacceptable answers. Moreover, your outrageous contempt and ignorance of the law beggars belief. Therefore I have no hesitation in finding in favour of the plaintiff .....  damages asked for will be awarded, and  all costs to be met by the defendants

B-J : Bugger....bugger.....bugger....