Thursday 23 February 2012

TWELVE SUREFIRE WAYS TO GIVE YOUR BRIDGE CLUB  A " HOME FROM HOME " AMBIANCE FOR ITS AGEING MEMBERS
( Recommendations by Bigot-Johnson , many of which are based on Charles Dickens'  wonderful description of Miss Havisham's house in his novel , Great Expectations )

  1. Board up all the windows to stop natural light entering the building
  2. Leave doors open to allow stray dogs and cats to wander freely in and out
  3. Paint  luminous arrows on the floor to help guide them from room to room
  4. Scatter slippers and socks all around the landing
  5. Leave piles of unopened letters on a table by the front door
  6. Keep the central heating system permanently switched off no matter what the weather conditions outside
  7. Dampen many of the seat cushions with water spray 
  8. Regularly blast large amounts of dust onto floors, shelves and furniture  
  9. If finances allow, restore the decor to that of the 1950's 
  10. Immerse sets of false teeth in glasses of water, placing them on all toilet room shelves
  11. Under no circumstances whatsoever must cobwebs or dead flies be removed
  12. Encourage members to play while still wearing their hats and coats    

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