AS AN AGEING BRIDGE PLAYER YOU KNOW YOU'RE OVER THE HILL WHEN..........

- you ask a passing player to help you cross your legs
- your ears are hairier than your head
- your bidding gets you into contracts your brain is incapable of making
- nobody remembers or cares about your results
- a dull evening's duplicate is the highlight of your week
- bridge has become less of a sporting hobby but more of a mental illness
- having a good raise for partner has lost all its meaningful significance
- your diminishing IQ , expanding waist line and average score all co-incide on 44
- having told your life-long partner to act his age he simply dropped dead
- an announcement for the next movement sent you quickly rushing off to the toilet