21 THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A BRIDGE PLAYER SAY.................... ( Article by Carp )

• Sorry, that defeat was all down to my bad play
• The next round is on me
• Bigot-Johnson is a gentleman and a scholar
• There are far more able players than me, who should be taking my place in the team
• When TDs rule against me I take all their decisions with grace and disciplined approval
• Yes, I would love to volunteer and help out the committee 
• Partner, you were right after all
• I haven't got a clue as to what you're talking about
• There's no way I could do a better job if I was running the club
• Partner, thanks for being so understanding and tolerant
• Our opponents deserved to win
• Yes, I know of the convention but I don't really understand it 
• You choose partner where you would like to sit
• My success had more to do with luck than ability
• I respect and value the views of all club members
• I always rely on my partners to carry me through
• I welcome criticism 
• I never criticise players when I'm guilty of making the same mistakes  
• How much do I owe the driver for petrol ?
• I often prick my ears when players make comments about boards coming my way
• My only chance of winning is when I'm up against against clueless rabbits