THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY...... ( Based on an incident at the Slaughter House Bridge Club )

Bridgemates : A mythical concept,  given the beastly beatitudes of most of the players
Vulnerable : how a player feels when making one almighty cock up in either the bidding or play of the cards
Red : What one sees when your partner has made an almighty cock up
Push : the start of a typical argy-bargy at the table
Face : the part of your partner's body that becomes the subject of an attack
Duck : the evasive action usually taken when a blow is aimed toward's one head
Point : what a player wants to see at the end of his pencil
Splinter : a small broken sliver of wood which is left under the skin after the pointy pencil was buried into partner's exposed arm
Below-the-line : a swift kick to the solar plexus
Kickback : a retaliatory action of some force designed to inflict serious pain to the groin
Closed hand : what a player needs to do to convert 5 delicate fingers into a lethal fist
Knockout : what each feuding player now seeks to inflict upon the other
Uppercut : an upwardly mobile fist aimed directed towards an opponent's jaw
Crack : the sound of a broken jaw bone
Exit : what one has in mind for partner after getting a broken jaw
Short club : a handy weapon to have now that the feud has moved onto a new level
Small slam : a hefty whack to the back of your partner's head when using a short club
Grand slam : an even bigger whack in an attempt to finish him off
Round : one of many stages in a prolonged fight
Fork : another handy object one uses to shove right up your partner's arse
Elimination : the final objective
Bullet : one of many small metallic missiles a player will load into a gun
Shoot : the action of pressing the trigger now that the gun is loaded
Face down : the position your ex-partner ends up in after being shot
Stiff : the term of reference now used to describe this lifeless body 
x : the exact spot on the floor which is marked out by the police as the crime scene