Friday 16 November 2012

DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES : PARTNER DERANGEMENT SYNDROME

This rather disturbing condition affects nearly all bridge players to some degree or another. In extreme cases the victims of this disorder will experience the acute onset of paranoia. Although perceived as normal people, their reaction to any suspect bidding and play of their partners becomes both volatile and unpredictable. They have been known to even accuse their partners   " of batting for the opposition " .
Nevertheless , the classic symptoms center upon 4 rather commonly held, albeit irrational, beliefs :
1. That any bad play on their part is all down to the previous mistakes and cock-ups made by their partners : these painful thoughts and memories immediately eat away at both their composure and patience
2. That their error-prone partners do not know how to play the game, keep to a system,  or think in a logical and reasoned way 
3. That their partners are both inept and stupid, despite the fact that they are regarded by  others as top class players
4.  That the Devil himself may be at work here,  by " turning " their partners into demons and monsters
In short,  the Partner Derangement Syndrome is nothing more than the total loss of the capability of rational thought. This loss can be displayed throughout the whole session, and can well carry over into the next. Some observers put down the symptoms to the onset of old age, senility and Alzheimer's, but the reality is that all bridge players are predisposed to this disorder  irrespective of any brain cell deterioration. 
Sufferers in all cases develop this desire to blame partner for their bridge woes as soon as they master the basics of the game. Someone has to be held responsible for the victim's adverse state of mind, mental health, mood swings, lack of concentration and focus. Indeed, at its extreme manifestation  sufferers have begun to question whether their partners are intergalactic  alien time travellers,  claiming that they are " on another planet " or " in a world of their own " . 
On a final note I once came across a player who blamed his partner for everything. This included extensive damage to his car by a falling tree close to his home. " If my partner had played properly I wouldn't have needed to give him a severe 30 minute bollocking after the match. This delay of course meant that I got home late,  missed my usual parking place, and was therefore forced to park up right underneath my neighbour's rather large over-hanging oak tree . "  
  

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