Bigot’s great escape : a true story when a complete stranger became my saviour...... ( as told by the man himself )

After another complaint about my behaviour I genuinely believed my  membership at the Walnut Tree Allotment Society BC was about to be terminated.  The first thing I remember is sitting on a low stool in a committee room , cleverly made over to look like a courthouse. Then through a side door entrance doors in marched several stony–faced committee members.

As I looked around I then saw my latest accuser : he was a villainous looking so-and-so who snarled, when his evil eye caught mine. He definitely was the most obnoxious person I had ever encountered. I sat down and looked to my immediate left and there sat a strange looking man, who claimed to be my legal representative. Nevertheless , his appearance seemed very familiar to me. The last person to arrive was the chairman , a man with an agenda and a mission on his mind. He commanded an awesome presence as he moved across the room. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. As he took his seat behind the bench, he said “Let us begin.”

My accuser rose and said “ My name is Mr. B.L. C. Bubb ,  and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell.” In a flash he started to rattle off a catalogue of lies about defamatory statements I had made, terrible things that I done at  the table , and a great deal about my past when I cheated him, and many others. He told the committee of other horrible perversions that I engaged in outside the club, and the more he spoke the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t look at anyone, even my own legal representative, as this demon prattled on about my countless sins, many of which I knew nothing about.

As upset as I was about all these wicked allegations and lies , I was equally upset at my representative who sat there silently not offering any form of defence at all. Although I might have been guilty of a few petty misdemeanours,  I had done some good in my life —  at least equal and possibly more in relation to the harm I may have done to others. Nevertheless my accuser finished his tirade with a final and furious outburst :  “This man belongs in hell. He is guilty of all charges  and he is not a person who can be trusted to say otherwise. Justice must be served upon this scoundrel and reprobate this very day.”

When it was his turn, my legal representative first asked if he might approach the bench. The chairman was compelled to allow this request , despite his own suspicions and the strong objection of Mr. Bubb. He beckoned my counsel to come forward. As he got up and started walking , I was able to see him in his full regalia and flowing robes. Now I realized why he seemed so familiar. Goddamnit it was Jesus Christ himself who was representing me : my Lord and Saviour.  He stopped at the  bench and softly said to the chairman, “ Judge not a book by its cover,” and then he turned to address the committee.

“ Mr. Bubb was correct in saying that Bigot is a man who has had sinned. I won’t deny many of these allegations. And yes , many would argue that the wages of sins should warrant the termination of his membership , and this man should certainly be punished in some way”. But then Jesus took a deep breath and turned to the chairman with outstretched arms and proclaimed, “However, I died on the cross so that this person might have be saved, and he has accepted me as his Saviour, so he is mine ….a valuable new member to my flock……His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from me. Mr. Bubb has failed to grasp the reality of the situation. You see my client , Bigot-Johnson , is nothing more than a pathetic , wayward , misunderstood man , who should be not given justice.... but as a saved sinner he is entitled to receive your mercy and undying love  .”

As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at the chairman and concluded, “There is nothing else that needs to be said..... I’ve said it all.”

The chairman , clearly moved by this defence , lifted his bulbous hand and slammed the gavel down, and the following words bellowed from his lips — “This man is free — he is now in the hands of the Lord.....case dismissed.”

As Jesus led me away I could hear Mr Bubb ranting and raving, “I won’t give up, I’ll win the next one ”. So while Jesus was giving me my instructions on repentance and reparation, I quietly ask him  “Have you ever lost a case?”

Christ lovingly smiled and said : No …..never.... and as such all my successful clients , who have received through me salvation and redemption , get the same bill , which simply demands  ” payment in full “. And as a direct consequence , a divine miracle then takes place in which every pound coming into their bank accounts immediately disappears into mine. “