Thursday, 20 February 2014


Dear Bigot , 
The other evening when I generously stepped in as an emergency stand-by ( because your regular partner had failed to turn up ) , you stormed off in a right huff seconds after the last board had been played.
I was so desperate to get your opinion on my evening's performance ?

Yours still in the dark ...........Binky Bowles

Dear Binky , 
Oh yes , I remember that evening's debacle very well indeed. Who needs words to describe how bad you were . For pity's sake man ,  couldn't you pick up on my body language ? If you were unable to , please allow me to recap on all my signals :

- my slumped body with my head resting on the table
- the tearing up of my scorecard after board 6
- regular trips to the toilet to throw up
- the numerous exits from the building to scream into the muffle-cushion kindly provided to me  
  by the bar steward
- my facial expressions which ranged from utter disbelief to abject despair
- my steadfast refusal to watch you play as declarer , preferring instead to engage in self-
  mutilation with my pocket penknife
- one urgent visit to the bar to telephone my dealer to bring over some anti-depressant tablets
- constant pulling out of my hair which has now left me with a rather large and embarrassing
  bald patch
- constant texting on my mobile phone in a desperate attempt to fix up an appointment with
  my psycho-analyst , regarding the acute anxiety and panic attacks I was currently experiencing   

Surely , you must have got the message.........that your crap play was doing my head in

Yours not wanting to be rude but don't ever ask me to partner you again , Bigot

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