DR. JOHN'S CASE NOTES : FMD ( APHTHAE EPIZOOTICAE )
FMD is a rare form of foot and mouth disease affecting humans , where victims are often referred to as foul mouthed devils. Bridge clubs unfortunately are notorious for being the breeding grounds for this particular human strain of the virus. Victims develop devil like characteristics, along with cloven-hoofed feet , such as spewing out bile and abuse to anyone who dares upset or annoy them.
Infected players develop an unwavering desire to put their feet right in it , by opening their mouths once too often , screaming obscenities and accusations to all and sundry. As a consequence of relentless screaming and shouting , victims' mouths become badly blistered. In some cases the constant foot stomping results in ruptures and acute lameness.
FMD is beginning to have severe implications for the club's finances, since being a highly infectious virus it causes widespread fear and panic to those who free of any symptoms. With clubs seeing unaffected members leave in their droves , table numbers have plummeted well below their break-even points.
The virus responsible for the disease is a piconavirus , the prototypic member of the genus aphthovirus. Infection occurs when the virus particle is taken into a cell of the host. The cell is then forced to manufacture thousands of copies of the virus , and eventually bursts , releasing the new particles into the blood. The virus can be transmitted in a number of ways , including body-contact with carriers , handling contaminated cards , and being over-powered by blasts of hot-air abuse bellowing out from victims' mouths
Control measures involve vaccines and quarantine. In extreme cases sufferers need to be put down or banished completely from the bridge playing areas. Government compensation schemes are in place to help off-set the costs incurred.