AS AN  AGEING BRIDGE PLAYER YOU KNOW YOU'RE OVER THE HILL WHEN.....

- instead of tutting at players who are incredibly slow you start tutting at those who show
  their impatience over your prolonged deliberations
- stayman starts to appear as an over complicated convention  
- finding a player who is prepared to be your partner becomes a forlorn and hopeless quest  
- the chances of finding a partner who can actually play bridge are less than zero 
- living on the same street as your local bridge club becomes a priority in that the time gap
  between toilet visits is sufficient to enable you trouble free journeys there and back
- getting a sitting seat nearest to the toilet also becomes a top priority
- your preferred bidding system reverts back to basic acol
- you often find the pattern on the backs of the playing cards more interesting than the shape ,
  points and distribution of the hand
- with the central heating full on you find yourself saying " Is it cold in here , or is it just me ? " 
- given a choice of clubs you could play at , the one with superior parking facilities becomes
  the automatic one
- on being dealt 432..432...5432....432 ...hand , you struggle to work out the losing trick
  count
- instead of analysing your scorecard in order to learn from your mistakes , you quickly rip
  it up before leaving the club
- you start interpreting the " x " card as  " this marks the spot where all the other bidding
  cards go "