Saturday, 4 January 2014

BIGOT-JOHNSON'S GUIDE ON HOW TO BE THE IDEAL COMMITTEE MEMBER

The perfect candidate should possess all the following attributes and character traits : 

  1. An ego capable of inflating itself to the status and size of the job
  2. An ability to distance yourself completely from the riff raff that foolishly voted you in
  3. A zealously guarded belief that life on the committee is an " us and them " situation 
  4. Never a person to rock the boat, preferring instead to develop the art of arse-licking to new unprecedented highs
  5. An unshakable resolve to adhere to the principle of collective responsibility , even when the proposals put forward by the chairman stick in your craw 
  6. A refusal to let guilt feelings undermine your desire to enjoy the perks and privileges that come with the post
  7. An ability to interpret compliance , passive submission and sycophantic behaviour as positive support for the chairman and/or his chief lackeys
  8. Never one to divulge what goes on the committee room , despite the club's well publicised pledge that openness and transparency should never be compromised
  9. A willingness to turn a blind eye to cover ups , falsification of minutes and any other shenanigans orchestrated by the chairman or his second-in-command
  10. A desire to be a loyal albeit fringe member of the chairman's close-knit family
  11. An innate ability to ignore one's conscience or moral compass 
  12. Never one to bear grudges even when the chairman decides to kick you out                                                                                                                               

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