Saturday, 22 March 2014


I have always wondered why madness and hysteria only seem to penetrate and pervade the minds of bridge players.
Well now , I believe I have the answer. Nuclear scientists have already demonstrated that the splitting of an atom releases powerful short-wave radiation , which can alter genes and chromosomes in animals and plants leading to the creation of unusual off-spring or mutations. Indeed , many years of my life has gone into ground breaking research , which seems to suggest that the splitting of personalities also causes short-wave radiation to take place , adversely affecting those in close proximity.
Having established beyond all shadow of doubt that bridge clubs are overrun with players with split personalities , it came as no surprise to see other players falling victim to their explosive reactions. As soon as clouds of negative energy were released into the air , a chain reaction phenomenon would then take place. Players who were once mild mannered Dr. Jekylls suddenly turned into monstrous Mr.Hydes. Madness and hysteria would radiate once again turning victims into another batch of explosive bombs , and so by the end of the session dozens of players found themselves as demented as those who originally came in with split personalities. 
Moreover , I have irrefutable proof that bridge clubs members are constantly being bombarded by tiny particles of misplaced schizophrenia , using the same apparatus by which nuclear physicists were able to identify dark matter in underground tunnels deep down inside the earth's core. But what was most alarming was the fact that at the Slaughter House BC , the emanations from the chairman Bigot-Johnson alone  could bleach muslin at a distance of 25 yards. Not surprisingly , that in such dark , dank , chill , morbid surroundings as  this infamous club house , the genes of other members were always going to be adversely affected. They were. And after incredibly short periods of gestation new breeds of Mr. Hydes were being created week after week.   

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