Wednesday, 4 November 2015


Dear Bigot ,
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Roger M. Knightley and to put it mildly I'm a buccaneering, womanising, fun loving bridge player ,  who always sets out to speak his mind and ruffle a few feathers. As yet I have not found a club happy to  accept my talents and cavalier attitudes.
Indeed , I am writing to you in a state of profound despair. Every club I have ever joined has slung me out ,  claiming my presence had a severe negative effect on the social harmony and friendly atmosphere , committee members were keen to promote. These puritans were all obsessed with cleansing the membership of undesirables , a category into which I unfortunately fell.
Having heard so much about the Slaughter House Bridge Club , I felt this could be the place where I truly fit in. I want to leave behind all the polite bullshit pleasantries, false bon hommie , holding my tongue , walking on eggshells , pious attitudes , blind obedience , doing what I'm told , best behaviour rules , zero tolerance policies , stepping back from conflict and confrontation , benign compliance and submission , all of which have squeezed the life and character out of my very being. I want to play bridge in a place where anything goes , reminiscent of Sir Francis Dashwood's Hell Fire Bridge Club which first came to prominence in the early 18th century.
I know that as a seasoned campaigner , with my colourful personality , outrageous behaviour , and immense talent at bridge I can make a meaningful contribution to the bridge experience enjoyed by your members, You Bigot must recall how important it was for you to escape from the straitjacket of conformity and be true to yourself. Look at you now . You're chairman of the most infamous bridge club in the world and one of selectors for the national team . probably netting £50,000 a year or more from backhanders and bribes.  
So by joining this inclusive,  amoral society of like-minded men and women I would surely be in dream land . Please find the enclosed cheque to assist you with processing my application , and I hope to hear from you very shortly.

The Devil be with you also ,
                                 Roger M. Knightley


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